I learned this semester that there’s a big difference between being nice and being a pushover but I didn’t know how to break out of that.
Until today…
I guess all of my bottled up anger exploded today when I, once again, casually went up to my sons football practice to watch their game (well, sorta… football makes me sleepy). Again my BBDD had his girlfriend there. No big deal. She always comes to things. I have no problem with that.
What I DO have a problem with is when she waits until no one is around, then she comes up to me and says all kind of nasty things to me. It startles me because I’m not expecting it, nor do I ever say a WORD to her, unless she speaks to me first.
So the first couple of times this happened, I was like..you need to chill out. I’d look at her like she was crazy and then I’d ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
I asked my BBDD to tell her not to speak to me and he said he would. I called the house to speak to my sons and she yelled at me and hung up in my face. I asked her once to have my kids call me back after their nap, she didn’t let them.
My kids even came to me one weekend and said, “Mommy, we wanted to call you back last night but HyperChick told us we couldn’t. Another time my son came to me and said, “HyperChick is mean, she told me I was fat.”
So everytime something goes down, I don’t call her, I call my BBDD and I try to talk to him about it. He calmly explains that he doesn’t believe me, because I’m full of lies and he says he will talk to her about it, or tell her to stop speaking to me.
Now, can one guess WHY she finds it important to talk to me in disrespectful manner when NO ONE ELSE in the world has probably ever heard her shoot venomous words like that before?
I’ll tell you.
I allowed it.
I would let her say all kind of fucked up things and just shake my head and say, “Bless you.” or just call my BBDD and tell him to control her.
He hasn’t. I guess he can’t.
But today I was sitting on a picnic blanket with my notebook out, dialing a phone number for a source to do a quick interview during the boys football practice. She was sitting about 10 feet away, while BBDD was standing next to her, watching the field.
I heard the phone ringing for my source and out of the corner of my eye I saw my BBDD walk away. Something in my spirit said, “She is going to start with you RIGHT NOW.” This is what she does when he walks away.
As soon as my spirit said that I saw her turn toward me, wrinkle up her face and start hissing an insult to me. Phone in hand, not on mute, oblivious to everyone around me I CURSED HER ASS OUT. I called her all type of bitches and hoes and told her that if she has something to say, COME SAY IT IN MY DAMN FACE.
She sat up straight in her chair, obviously surprised that i said something to her and tried to look at the field as though she had not said anything to me at all and that I was crazy. She shot me the middle finger like a little kid and I turned around, breathing heavily to try to salvage my interview. My source was on the phone like, “Tee, do I need to come out there?”
When BBDD walked back over, I shouted, “You betta control your girlfriend. IF she says one more thing to me, it’s not going to be pretty.”
To which he threatened to call the police on me and I was like, “So? These are MY KIDS.”
A few seconds later, he asked her to move to another spot. As he walked away, she lagged behind, turning to me with the most WIDE smile and grinning happily as though she was saying, “Ha! I got you!”
Yeah..you got me bitch. But you also got HIM. What a prize!
I hate to allow anyone to control my emotions like she did today, but in hindsight I’m glad that I did that. And I’ll do it again. Tomorrow if she likes. It was fun. It really was. I ain’t scared no more. I’ll do it everyday that she asks for it. All she has to do is speak to me again, and it’s on.
I don’t care what anyone thinks. I am not going to allow ANY FUCKING BODY, to talk to me any kind of way. FUCK THAT!
I don’t want to do that whole, “Be the bigger person shit anymore.” If she wanna play, I’ll play.
If she wanna take it to the next level, I can too. If she wanna call her friends, I have friends too. My sister alone could handle all of her friends.
I already been to jail. I have no fear. Let’s do this.
And then I got home and I kinda felt bad but my sister was congralulating me and asking me if she could come and curse her out too. I told her if she’s a good girl, I’ll let her do it.
Now..you know me..trying to figure out why people act a certain way.
Why does she act in that manner, always stirring up trouble when I never provoke her because I’m too busy enjoying my life. How could she be feeling?
Ohh..I know. INSECURE
If you are insecure in your relationship you try to make the relationship between others miserable. If you are miserable in your life, you try to make others miserable. The only time you will radiate happiness to everyone around you is when you are happy yourself. No, I’m not talking about putting on a happy face and faking your mood, true happiness is displayed in your spirit. Most people can’t recognize the difference..I can.
So, I’ve analyzed the reasons why she may be insecure and I’ve come up with several.
Would it be mean of me to post them here?
Well, I’m in that kind of a mood today.
1) I’m prettier than her.
2) I have two kids from the man she loves, who won’t have any kids with her, propose to her or even live with her after almost 6 years of them being together.
3) I’m more creative than she is.
4) She will never be me.
So today…I just enjoyed the emotion of anger and allowed my mind to come up with the worst thing that I could wish on her life.
Pretty evil, huh?
And the WORST thing I could think of…
I WISH..with all my heart…
That HyperChick and my BBDD…
GET MARRIED…
HAVE 10 KIDS…
STAY TOGETHER FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES…
~smile~
That will give me the BEST satisfaction knowing that justice was served.
Really…I think they deserve each other.
They make a great match!
Ok, I’ll be back to my old self soon..but first I have to do a love spell so that they will become engaged this year!
~fingers crossed~