Author: TPatterson

I’ve had a hard day today.

But because I love God and I know He is taking care of me I choose to trust Him.

In light of my dissatisfaction with my current job, I am stepping out on faith and starting my job search again. This time I am not limiting my search to the Gainesville area. I have attacked Monster.com viciously sending out resumes to over 10 companies tonight. I know that I am talented in communications. I know that I am driven and hard working. I have a vision that God has given me and I must believe that it will come to pass even though I cant see past my frustrations right now.

I just have to breathe deep and stay firmly rooted in Him. I pray that He will open only those doors that He has for me to walk through. I am quite unhappy with my current situation and I figure I can be unhappy anywhere. I dont need to limit myself to this one town.

I ask that you pray for me to be sensitive to God’s voice and to control my emotions during this rough patch.

God’s desire is to give life abundantly.

Abundantly. He doesnt desire for His children to be stuck and unmotivated. He didnt give me this gift to sit on it. He wants me to use it to glorify Him and I will, if given the opportunity.

I have finally realized the truth about ppl. And it almost drove me to the edge. I quit my job last Friday, for two hours.

But let me back up. Ive been working at my office for about a month now. And since day one there has been so much tension and rudeness directed toward me that I have dreaded going there everyday. Im not pulling the race card just yet but I am the only black person who works there full time.

Ive been reported for humming on the job. Yes I said HUMMING! child please! People have rolled their eyes at me and made rude comments and not invited me to office functions. The one person who introduced herself to me as a sister in Christ was the main one who was trying to encourage me to leave and get my boss to fire me. I didnt even know it. She would sit in my ear all day and plant seeds of negativity about my happiness, the job and my boss Neale, all the while pretending that she had my best interests at heart. She complained about him all day, saying that he was incompetent and that no one respected him and she had to speak the truth to him. She would say that she recognized talents in me that were not going to be nurtured at this job and that Neale made a poor decison when he hired me.

I began to feel sad for him and even worse for myself because let her tell it, everyone resented me for being there because I wasnt hired under normal circumstances. I began to feel like a loser. I took all this into my heart because I trusted her because she said she was a Christian. I realize now that the title does not certify, the condition of the heart does.

And after I spoke with my Pastor about it, he reminded me that with favor comes persecution. Ofcourse no one there understands how I got that job. It was FAVOR. Ofcourse they want to try to run me away. I dont look like them, Im not old like them and I’m not into kissing anyone’s behind.

I’m still hurting though. this has been one horrible experience. I havent even mentioned what this one lady said and did to me, but you know what, its all good. im not gonna let this make me revert back to the old days when i blamed an entire race for what a few had done. I wont go back there. This is a test. And Im gonna pass!

And guess what, until God moves me out of that place, I dont care what anyone thinks of me- I AINT GOING NO WHERE!

~rolls eyes~

I told you my friend Tamara was a little off. WHy did this chick call me two nights ago telling me that she getting ready to go to the club and that she wasnt feeling well at all. She said the only reason she was going out was because she heard that a shot of vodka can cure a cold.

I sat, stunned. And I laughed. People say the craziest things.

I must admit I like that guy, you know the guy who sang ‘She Bang’ on American Idol. In fact, that was the only time I have ever watched that show and for some reason his performance stuck with me. His name is William Hung.

Yeah, he was really bad and rhythmless but he actually thought he could make it on American idol, THAT is what is amazing. Its always those cute, clueless guys that seem to get next to me. Their innocence is very appealing. I hear that hes got some fame now. People recognize him everywhere. Well, thats good! I hope he makes some money off of this thing. He wasnt afraid to stand up there and look stupid. He didnt even know he was bad. He just did his thing, the best way he knew how.

And thats admirable.

Meet Will Hung

Well the Lord knows how much longer my car will hold out. And he knows my credit score too! LOL So, come on God, if its your will, make something happen. I trust you.

Well, I was approved for my car loan, but I redid my budget and it seems as if I dont have enough to pay the car payment AND pay my tithes. So, obviously Im not getting a car anytime soon. I’m not worried. God says “TRY ME!” when it comes to tithes and offerings. If you are faithful with your tithes, He will open up the heavens and pour out his blessings on you.

You wonder why some people are stressed financially? They arent faithful tithers. Ever since I heard this promise and actually got a job so that I had some income, I held on to the promise that no matter what, as long as I tithed I would always have enough.

ANd Im not rich, but I get to go to Walmart whenever I want and buy my babies clothes and I get to buy accessories when I have somewhere nice to go, and I love buying little chokers, earrings and necklaces. I dont ask for much, just enough to make me feel safe.

If my car gets worse, its already limping, then I guess Ill have to go get a cash car. Which wont be that bad. I guess.

Anyway, Im finally getting into the flow of things at my job. If you show me something once, I have it down, it doesnt take me much time, you just have to show me and not expect me to figure it out for myself.

I got a treat this week. I got to speak to Anna AND Tamara! All in one week! That never happens. Anna lives back home in Miami and Tamara is in Tallahassee. Anna broke her foot so she’s home instead of finishing up her internship. Strangely enough shes not stressed about it. But you know, Anna was always like that, where I would expect the worse to happen, she expects the best. When I asked her how she was doing, she just said, “I guess God is trying to slow me down. I know He’s protecting me from something.”

Im glad she’s pursuing her relationship with God. It’s amazing when the friends you used to go buck wild with, want to turn it all over to Christ. The strange thing is, my other bestfriend Tamara is doing the same thing. I never thought she would. It never really crossed my mind but here she is, praying more, reading her word and attending a Bible study.

I just pray that I dont push them too much. You know how it is, when you been doing the saved thing for longer and you try to force your friends to do everything exactly like you do it? Thats wrong. And it actually pushes them away from God. It makes them feel bad about what they have already accomplished in Christ. Everyone has their own place, dont encourage them in their sin, but dont beat them up because they are not convicted the same ways that you are. They will have to answer for themselves one day. All you can do is be a light. Live right in front of them and share, SHARE, SHARE what God is doing in your life.

i’m not a perfect disciplemaker nor am I a perfect disciple. ~sigh. Though I wish I could get it right. I wish my heart would change. Im so obstinate about relationships with people.

This must be THE LORD!

Ok, my Pastor hooked me up with a book editor/writer/publisher that goes to my church (YAY!) and he asked me to assist him on some of his projects. FAVOR!

So far Ive written one book review for a magazine and Im working on transcribing some notes for a book that he’s working on. You wont believe how blessed I was when I read the book I had to review. It was called Leadership by the Book. It taught me how to emulate Jesus and be a servant leader and still achieve earthly success by focusing on helping others to achieve their dreams and goals. It was a great book!

Now, Im transcribing these notes from a man who is teaching about Negative Capablity, which I dont quite understand yet but he said something that stirred me even as I was typing it.

He said:

Why are you wasting time in worry, doubt and frustration wondering why you are facing obstacles? Instead you should focus on the positive possibilities for OVERCOMING them. You refuse to allow the negative forces in the environment to control your emotions.

That speaks to my situation RIGHT now. On my job I was so stressed, even miserable because of the negativity I was experiencing there, but I need to just focus on the possibility of my overcoming them and rejoice in the promise of God that I WILL overcome them and not allow my temporary situation to ruin my joy.

Aint that powerful?

And Im actually getting PAID to read this stuff? Isnt God amazing?

Hey Everybody!

~yawn~

Im sleepy. But i had to get my daily writing fix in. I always have a story in my mind that Im just bursting to tell. Sometimes I walk around all day looking forward to coming home and writing about something that has happened. I re-tell the story to myself over and over, using different words, different approaches, feening for the chance to sit down and share.

But alas, after I made the boys dinner, gave them a bath and put them to bed. I had to work on these projects and now that Im done im pooped. Instead of sharing my heart, Im gonna snatch the Fudge Brownie Icecream out of the fridge and call my mama so she can make me laugh until I fall asleep.

Things are going so much better at work though, yall. You know Im not that friendly, but Im really enjoying what Im doing now. Its very emotional though, knowing that the subjects we are studying are REAL PEOPLE with diseases and ailments and some of them have died or about to die.

I cried so much at work today. My doctor Neale came up to me and asked me if I was okay. “Neale,” I cried, blowing my nose. “He’s dead.” I said pointing to the data that i was entering into the computer. “It’s like Im reading his journal of his last days. He’s dying before my eyes.” I sobbed.

Neale walked away and came back. “I dont want to seem cold-hearted but this is a study. I realize that our patients are REAL but you have to seperate yourself from that emotion, which I know is harder said than done.”

And just think, I dont even have any contact with the patients. All Im doing is helping out a little by entering data. I usually just edit the results of the study. Imagine if I had to actually interview the patients like Charlene does or call them like Erica. And then in this particular study that we’re working on now, everyone has Cancer. So they have to be interviewed right after they get their chemotherapy.

I feel so sad, knowing that every patient in our study is about to die. And they know it and they still want to help us by letting us study them.

OK. OK. I have to admit. Im starting to really like my job. Im so busy and Im doing fun stuff like designing posters and Im on an award-winning research team and this medical stuff is starting to make sense to me. Who knew?

I still have a hard time when I have to go into the actual hospital and I walk by patients, I feel so bad for them, they look so worn out and to think they fought in wars and defended this country and some of their illnesses are a result of that.

I have a new respect for men and women in the military. Veterans are important people, they are doing something that I could never do. While most of us sit in our cushy offices and email back and forth and complain because our lunch breaks are never long enough, they are out there doing the unthinkable, risking their lives for us. We should be more grateful.

For all the men and women out there who continue to enlist and serve—THANK YOU!

Just one of dem days….

Every once in a while I figure I deserve a treat. And after a great week, finally relaxing at my job and the fact that I got PAID today, I decided tonight is one of those nights.

The recipe for Ms. Tee’s night of fun is quite simple:

2 movies

1 Smirnoff Ice Triple Black

Crab legs

Mix and ENJOY!

I’m kinda making fun of myself but Im being serious too. This is actually what I do when I want to have a fun night. I enjoy it. What do you do to relax on a Friday night?