LAUGH FOR THE DAY!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
She was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,”You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off thedrunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?
The drunk replied: “Cause you’re ugly.”
Step to the left…
Step to the left, step to the right
Spin around and bring it down tonight
Bring it on up, move in close
Let me see you and your partner stroll
R. Kelly ~Happy People
I was leaving the barber shop with my boys on Saturday afternoon when Anna calls me and tells me that her brother-in-law is having a 40th birthday party that evening and I’m welcome to come.
I think about it for a minute cuz I know I have to persuade Lil Redd (my mama) to watch the boys for me. I call her up and tell her I want to go out with Anna. She says she’ll think about it, which means she’ll do it so I call Anna to get the specifics.
She tells me it’s a Black & White party and everyone is going to be too precise so go and get fitted. I’m smiling now because Anna’s sister and her husband are pretty well off financially and I know that anything that they do is going to be BIG and lots of fun.
My mind starts to go through my wardrobe like a roledex.
Hmmmm. What do I have that is black and white and is off the chizzain? Oh yeahhh… Just last week I pulled out a dress I bought four months ago and I showed it to my mother. A white linen dress that fits just enough to show off my curves, but not enough to reveal too much. It flows to my ankles and is nice enough to wear to church or a nice date. I had been saving it for something special.
I turn my car around and my boys and I are off on a mission to find the perfect pair of shoes and some black and white accessories.
It’s so hard shopping with two little rug rats. They like to run of and grab stuff and I end up having to spank my little one in the accessory store for pulling down an entire rack of scrunchies. ~sigh.
When we finally get home it’s almost dark and I feed the boys, dunk them in the bathtub and put them in the bed so that I can begin THE TRANSFORMATION.
Getting dressed to go out is almost as much fun as going out. I hang up my dress in the bathroom so that the steam from my shower can loosen up any wrinkles and I get out my new accessories and choose what color eyeshadows I want to wear. I consider wearing some fake eyelashes, which definately make a big difference on my eyes because i have short lashes but i remember what happened the last time I wore fake lashes. After an hour this guy came up to me and said, “Your eyelash is coming off.” How embarrassing!
Shower first. Lotion down. Paint my toes. Apply my make-up, being careful not to overdo the silver shadow that I chose. Eyeliner, Berry lip liner I got from Mac Cosmetics, thanks to Ruby, and Grapeful lip gloss from Mary Kay.
I’m sweating myself hard and I’m only wearing a t-shirt. Dang girl u look good!
I call Anna to see where she is in her process.
“I’m leaving Overtown to come get you right now, I’ll call you when we get off the expressway,” she says.
Come on, you know I wasn’t going to drive myself. Anna and her boyfriend are coming to pick me up for the party. I don’t mind being the third wheel. With Anna it’s always been like that. Me, her and her boyfriend rolling deep.
She calls me and I slip on my dress and new shoes and I feel like I’m going to the prom. I had just gotten my hair done earlier that day and while the boys were getting haircuts I had the barber touch up my eyebrows, so I was ready to go!
We drive out to Hialeah where her brother had rented a hall. I’m feeling good as i watch everyone step out of their cars wearing different variations of Black and white.
This crowd was not your typical club crowd. This was officially a “grown folks” party. Nowhere in the room did I see a man that I felt needed a haircut. No pants hanging off their butts. All of these guys were too precise and smiling at me like, Wazzzzuppp.
I tell you it really resembled that R. Kelly video. You know the one where everyone is wearing white and stepping on the dance floor. I wanted to dance but you all know I can’t dance and I hate to be on the dnace floor and have to turn all of the guys down. I have rythm. Yes I do. But my stamina is really low. I can shake a lil something, but only for a couple of minutes. After that I get tired and want to sit down.
I’m getting old.
I never had so much fun sitting down before. I sat in my seat throughout most of the party dancing and singing loud and having a good time by myself. I know, I’m such a nerd. Anna’a mom was sitting with us and she was just laughing and laughing at me. Anna’s mom is so beautiful. And she knows it. She had the nerve to wear a dress with a peephole in the front! I just shook my head and laughed.
If you aren’t from Miami you ain’t gonna feel me but if you grew up round my way you know what a Miami bass beat does to you.
As soon as you hear that beat your butt immediately starts thumping. It’s like a heartbeat that radiates through your entire being. Looking back it all started with the song Doo Doo Brown. Those booty shaking boys that like to get down and slang that thang get the party started like no other. There were quite a few of them there. But most of the music they were playing was old jamz that i had never even heard before. All the old people were on the dance floor, shaking their bellies and sweating their curls out.
There are a few hundred people at the party and more are arriving as I leave. There is a picture booth set up in the corner, lots of free food and the DJ is hot! Anna’s family knows how to do it right!
I’m home by 2:30 am and go right to sleep. My boys wake me up at 7am as usual and I try to persuade them to go back to bed. Yeah right. They want breakfast. They want to play. They want to go to the park.
I’m in the kitchen making their breakfast with my eyes half-closed. I know that in a little while I have to get ready to go and visit another church in pursuit of a place to fellowship and worship.
I haven’t given up on that. It’s a bit frustrating as I continue to visit church after church but I know one will be right for me and my sons. This church isn’t. It’s full of old people and I had been at the church for over an hour and they STILL hadn’t gotten to the WORD. I already was tired and feeling like my energy level was on E.
What ever happened to the church services that last less than two hours? There doesn’t seem to be any churches like that here. I’m not complaining about spending time worshipping God but unless it’s sincere worship it’s really a waste of time. Sometimes I think some churches waste a lot of time making noise so they can appear to be hyped up. I miss my church service in Gainesville.
But as Ruby would say, I digress. I just have to remain faithful in looking. I’ll let you know how it goes.
You’re in for a treat!
My girl Mina has sent me all of my old emails, stories and poetry that I have been sharing for over a year and I will share some of them with you as I go back through time. Ya’ll didn’t knwo I did poetry did you?
Well I do.
Check this out. It was written while I was battling with racism issues.
Labeled
Black & White
Wrong & Right
Dark & light
Who started this fight?
Contemplate
This discourse
It originated
Although perpetrated
As a simple
Definition
But who defines
The worth of my life
By a color
Of pigment
Websters says
I am
Dismal
Wicked
Evil
Flip quick
It’s a trip
White means
Quite the opposite
Pure
Honorable
The color of pure snow
We were labeled
Disabled
To boost their self-esteem
To make the tragedy seem
Less significant
As they rose to the top
My back, a footstool
What fools
To think
That by their words I am confined
No more shackles
But still in bondage?
Never that
Cuz I got
A new definition for Black
Black is the color of forgiveness
Black means infinity
Black means a struggle
A strong back
A strong mind
The color that compliments everything
Kings and Queens
Though they make it seem
As if my image
Is a tragedy
Don’t believe it
I won’t
It’s all up to me
The label you’re stuck with
You choose to receive
What’s within me
A desire to see
My colorless world
Seep through
To you
If you choose
To dismiss
Their definition
And define yourself
For yourself
By Ms. Tee
Listen Up
I realized that you guys can hear my little news report online. If you are up early on Wednesday morning the news program called Morning Glory begins at 8 am. My report, which only lasts about a minute comes on about 4 minutes into the show. So, if you go to the bathroom you’ll probably miss it.
Tune in! Laugh at me while I enjoy my one minute of fame. LOL
Go to www.wmbm.com
Let me know if you get a chance to hear me.
Later
Brenda, you’re really a comedian! Smart aleck!
Ya’ll I’ve been so busy all week. My younger son has been sick too. Being a manager is not glamorous at all. I basically spend my time taking care of the needs of the staff. The maintenance man called off today. And since my publisher had a meeting with the mayoral candidate and then another meeting with the county manager, guess who had to clean up the conference room and get it ready? That’s right, me.
The light bulbs blew in our editor’s office. And guess who was standing on top of his desk screwing in new lightbulbs? Me.
The receptionist quit. So guess who has a five hour shift answering the main line? You got it.
But through it all. I love it. I see that my publisher is not a tyrant like some people make her out to be. I’m learning so much from her about running a business and you all know I’m very eager to learn. It’s like she told me when I first started. “The Miami Times takes care of those who take care of The Miami Times.”
It’s a lot of work and very hectic, but I love it.
On another note, my baby daddy finally got his web cam hooked up so he can chat with the boys online. It’s so weird looking at his face after all this time. I keep thinking, “Do I know you? DId I really spend YEARS of my life with you and bear your children?”
Since we started having kids we have not done anything together as a family. So it is unusual for me to see him interact with the boys. We keep very seperate lives when it comes to our children. We don’t fight anymore, but it’s like he’s a distant cousin or something.
I always thought true love lasts forever. That no matter what happens, if you TRULY loved that person, you could always be friends. Romantic love is so fleeting. It is based on emotions.
Real love is different. Real love allows you to forgive and move on. Real love allows you to overlook a person’s quirks.
I’m hot. Not sexually hot. Not “it’s hot in Miami” hot. But I think I have a fever. My body aches. I have too much going on next week to get sick. I’m still planning the job fair at my office. I’m still trying to make sure that everyone is made aware of the new policies and procedures. But I’m so tired ya’ll.
My fantasy is to sleep in for two days in a row. In my own bed with fresh clean sheets and no kids kicking me in their sleep. I want some privacy. That is what I miss most. There’s no where for me to go to be by myself. This is hard living but I know I’ll appreciate it more when I get my house. That is my goal. To buy myself a house instead of moving out and renting an apartment. Why waste all that money on rent when I can just stay here with my Mom a little longer and save up for my house?
It makes sense to me. I’ll just have to endure.
Anybody wanna come over and hook a sister up with a massage?
I’m just tired. I need a break.
Wow.
Life is:
Full of surprises
Ever changing
Hectic
Joyful most days
Fun
Crazy
Scary
Life is…what you make it.
I’m ok everyone. Just going through a rough patch but still remaining upbeat about things knowing that every adverse situation creates an opportunity.
I’ll let you know where this opportunity leads.
Stay tuned…
Love,
Ms. Tee
Well, well, well.
This has turned out to be an interesting weekend so far. My sons are actually GONE for two days with their Dad and as usual I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so used to just sitting here playing on the net and talking on the phone.
But yesterday I called my girl Dianna and told her I wanted to go out. Dianna says, “Well, I have a date tonight, but I’ll ask him to bring a friend for you and we’ll double.” I kinda laugh and shrug cuz I don’t really believe I’ll be going out with a guy. After all, you all know, I DO NOT date.
In fact, for the past two years, dating seemed to be the biggest sin to me. I was waiting patiently for a husband to appear out of thin air and I figured any attraction to a guy would absolutely mess that up. So I just chilled by myself believing that God had someone all picked out for me who would just show up at my door like the pizza delivery man and offer me a ring. How naiive I was.
So Dianna calls me around 7 pm and tells me to be ready at 8, she has a date for me. I kinda laugh to myself and have fun getting ready, you all know getting dressed to go out is so much fun. When Dianna comes to pick me up she is looking ravishing in a smart pair of jeans and white top. Chocolate brown belt, purse and matching 3 inch heels accentuate the outfit and I roll my eyes at her. She’s very tall and thin and since I’m only 5’1″ i feel like a little kid next to her.
But ofcourse I’m looking cute too. So, Im not worried, well, not a lot. On the way to Broward County to meet the guys I turn down the radio and say to Dianna, “Girl, I’m scared. I haven’t spent time with any new guys in so long, much less a date. I’m just gonna be quiet and not say a thing, and if he’s ugly, after we eat, we can make up an excuse and go home.”
Dianna laughs and agrees, “Fo sho chick. If that nicca don’t pay for your plate, we’ll get up and walk out of there and leave them to take the bus home!”
Dianna’s phone rings and it is her date, Demetris, questioning her about me. I just sat there laughing. Dianna is starting to get annoyed, “Don’t worry about how she looks! She is fine, you better make sure your boy is presentable…..She’s 25. How old is he?…21?….Ohhhh….Well, we’ll be there in a minute.”
So, we pull up in front of this cute little house and my blind date is standing there to greet us. Surprise, surprise! Brother is fine! He’s all dark chocolate and muscular with a nice smile. He looks kinda shy. I smile at Dianna. Damn girl… Is that for me?
I step out the car and extend my hand. “Hi. I’m Ms. Tee.” I say. “Hi. I’m Greg. Come inside.”
Ofcourse once we get inside Dianna’s boy Demetris comes out to check me out and say Hi. Lights get turned on and I’m standing there like a model on a runway, just posing. I know I’m cute. LOL
But I’m still nervous. When I first moved to Miami I was out with Anna and this guy named Chilly Willy tried to talk to me. Anna encouraged me to call him and I did but it was so awkward that I never called him again. I mean, what am I supposed to talk to you about? I don’t even know you.
That’s why I don’t give out my phone number to anyone. If I don’t already know you, you’re pretty much out of luck.
But anyway, we all pile in Dianna’s car and ride out to do the typical first date thing: miniature golf. 18 holes later, we’re all laughing and talking and I’m feeling very comfortable with Dark Chocolate. I love me some black men! In fact I’m very surprised that he pretty much fits the mold of the guys I like. He’s young, (21 is a prime age), well-built, dark-skinned and in college. He’s also a sweety, carrying my club for me, making all kind of nice compliments and basically saying all the right things. It turns out that he plays football for his college.
After playing around the golf course, Dianna’s date, Demetris got the lowest score so he had to wear Dianna’s heels and parade around the lobby of Boomer’s. Everyone was laughing at him and we made sure to whoop it up to draw attention to this crazy guy in heels and football socks!
We then drove to Downtown Hollywood and enjoyed the music coming out of the cafe’s while we ate some pizza and chatted a bit.
One of the most uncomfortable parts of the night was when I was asked, “Do you have any kids?” I honestly haven’t dated anyone since I had my sons so I don’t know how men would react to me telling them that I have two sons. I sometimes feel like it takes my stock down, but I can’t be dishonest. Maybe there is someone out there who won’t mind being with someone with children. I don’t know. But I’m not looking for a man, just a little fun while my sons are away.
We end the night on Hollywood Beach. Greg and I are talking and enjoying the beautiful scenery. I’m giving him my usual dose of encouragement about life, school and growing up. I like younger guys because they are so eager to please and Greg is no exception. At the end of the evening I give him my phone number and he promises to call soon.
I get home around 3am and I miss my wake up call to go to my girl’s graduation in Tampa. When I finally wake up, I call my girl Nadia and she tells me that she and our sorority sister Sandra have been on the road for two hours already. Man…
I sleep most of the day. I didn’t realize I was so tired. I awake to my phone ringing and it is William. Let me tell you about William.
I’m at work at the newspaper and I get this phone call.
“Hi. This is Ms. Tee.” I answer.
“Um… I hope I’m not being too forward but is this the Ms. Tee that graduated from Miami Jackson, class of 97?”
“Yes, and who is this?”
“This is your prom date.”
Ohh… “Um, Koala Bear?”
He laughs. “Yes, it’s me William.”
It turns out he saw my name in the paper and called me up to say Hi. He said he had often thought about me over the years and he is glad I am back in town. Koala Bear was the name I gave him back in the day cuz he was cute like a little Koala Bear.
Koala Bear was really cute. Even before everyone went afro crazy he had this amazing afro. He is mixed with Dominican and Black and he is adorable and younger than I am. We chat a bit and he asks for my number so I give it to him and we promise to get together soon.
I don’t know if I really want to do that though. I remember he liked me a lot but I was too busy to give him much of my time. We sorta went to prom together and he wrote in my yearbook that he loved me.
Actually, a few guys wrote that in my yearbook in some sort of last ditch effort to get my attention. Oh well…
Dianna just called me to come meet her at her house so I have to go get ready. It’s a rainy day in the MIA but maybe I’ll have another story to tell tomorrow.
Later…
Kids say the darndest things…
It’s really rainy in Miami this time of year and tonight it started thundering and lightening. My sons ran to my mother and said:
“Grandma it’s thundering.”
“Awww baby,” my mother replied. “Grandma’s gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
My four-year-old son replies, “No.”
“Well. Your Auntie gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
“No.”
“Ya’ll Mama gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
“No.”
“Why not?” My mama asks.
“Cuz we not going to sleep.”
Welcome back boys.
I’ve gotten a few questions about what sorority I was involved with in college.
Well. It wasn’t one of the divine nine. I was a member of Gamma Sigma Sigma National Service Sorority. I met some great women, who were really cute, smart and loved service.
It was a wild experience, but one I do not regret a bit.
Much love to my sisters of the Epsilon Upsilon chapter.
Our experiences together made us who we are today.
Love,
Tee
also known as K.I.A.COM (Know-it-all-dot-com)
#3
Pledge Class 28
A few chants and songs I wrote for us while we were pledging! We had to sing to our big sisters to convince them that we were worthy to be a part of their sorority. LOL My line sisters all thought I was a nut!
Wee-Wee-Wee
Wee- Oop!
Wee-Wee-Wee
We too cute!
They’re sweating us
You wonder why
We’re service and
We’re supertight
My sisters in Maroone & White
Wee-Oop
If you’ve seen the light!
To the tune of Lauryn Hill’s You’re just too good to be true
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my mind off of you
So out of reach I can’t touch
And I wanna be one so much
I’m working hard to survive
Until that day has arrived
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my mind off of you
I love you GAMMA
Oh yes you’ve got it right
I love you SIGMA
That sweet maroone & white
I love you SIGMA
Trust in me when I say I do
Oh GAMMA SIGMA
Won’t let you down I pray
Oh GAMMA SIGMA
Through work, study and play
Just let me
Be down
I’ll wait with patience
Please say OKAY
To the tune of Usher’s You Make Me Wanna..
You make me wanna be a GAMMA SIG
Look at you
Dag, you’re so cool
With sisterhood too
Think about a pin (pledge pin)
And all the things that come along with…
You make me.. You make me…