Author: TPatterson

Today I was sitting here thinking about my girl Anna and I thought to myself, Anna is the only one of my friends who I argue with, get mad at and have drama with.

I wondered why, then it hit me. We arent just friends, we’re sisters. And sisters know they can’t stand each other most of the time, but have a deep loyalty and love for each other that helps them get over any dispute. So Anna, you’re the chick I love to hate.

And yes, it’s all your fault!

If youre sitting there in a situation that you can not see how God will work things out, and youre trusting Him but you just want to know what He is going to do, be patient let me testify that God will make a way.

Back when I was pregnant with my first son I was in a difficult situation. I had no car, no job, no money and my relationshop with his father had just ended. I was living off of my savings and all of that money was almost gone. I had just gotten saved and I knew that if I trusted Him, He would come through but I just couldnt see how He could make it happen beause everyone I knew was broke and I had no means of supporting myself.

I thought I would be forced to go live at home and quit school because I didnt see any other way, but God had a different plan.

One Friday night I was waiting for my ride to Bible study and I thought to myself, “If I had $1,200 I could pay my bills until the summer and then try to get back in school so i could get financial aid.” This thought was crazy to me since my bank account was on E so i shrugged it off and went to Bible study.

While we were there we talked about being hopeless and wanting to quit. I shared my heart about how hard it had been since I came to Christ and the sisters there listened and sympathized. I didnt tell them about my financial situation but I told them that I knew I wouldnt give up.

After Bible study I was out in the parking lot when a sister came up to me and said, “God laid it on my heart that you need some money. How much do you need?” I rejoiced and said, “Girl, if you have $288 it could pay my portion of my rent for the next month and I would be so happy.”

She leaned close to me and said, “How about $1,000? Will that make a difference?” I fell on the ground crying and thanking God, telling Him that I was not worthy to be taken care of so well.

Before i could even get up, another sister came over to me and pressed a folded piece of paper in my hand. I opened it up and it was a check for $200!

I fell out again and praised God. I had not even told anyone about my financial struggle but God had placed it in these women’s hearts and provided for me. Exactly what I needed, right on time!

Another time during this rough patch when I was pregnant and alone, I was going for days without eating real food because I had no money. I didnt want to tell anyone because I didnt want people to feel sorry for me. So one night, I was home on the phone telling my friend that I was expecting a miracle.

There came a knock at the door and I went to answer it and standing there were two of my sorority sisters with bags and bags full of groceries.

Atlhough my life seemed to be falling apart since I came to Christ, God proved that He was real in my life and He would take care of things. I seemed to be losing everything that I had once held dear, but God was stripping me of those things because He wanted to replace them with the people and hopes that He had for me. I felt like I was losing out, but really I was gaining.

Back then I couldnt see, but now I understand. God will shake your life loose and miraculously bring it back together in His will.

See, even when we think we dont deserve it, God is there. Even when we can’t see how, God is there. If you are considering Him in all of your decisions and plans for the future, God will make a way.

Right now I dont see how God will change my situation. I can see what I want to happen but it will take a miracle to bring it to pass. So, I’m believeing God for a miracle because I know He has done it before.

If God has moved in your life in a an extraordinary way, dont forget about it. Write it down and post it somewhere so that you will be reminded of His faithfulness. Just as He has taken care of you in the past, He will do the same in your future if you are diligently seeking Him.

Be blessed and be at peace. He has got you covered.

When I came away to college I didnt have a good relationship with my family. My mama and my stepfather were always at ends with me. I felt like they hated me, sometimes I felt like I hated them.

Over the course of my extremely long college career i got saved and God began to work in my heart, giving me a heart of forgiveness. I have watched as my mother and I have become closer than we have ever been. My relationship with my stepfather, Allen, has gone from painful and scary to loving and respectful. Regardless of the damage that he has done in my life, I just want to honor him for being faithful in providing for me and my brother and sister.

He is a very hard working man who shows his love through his provision, I never realized that. I was looking for a hug or an encouraging word. When it never came I thought he didnt care, but now I see.

My father, Clarence, was never around when I was growing up. My mother wanted it that way. During the last 17 years I have only seen him twice, once last week when I was in Miami and once 5 years ago. This time when I saw him I felt so many different emotions because I now know that he is not my biological father. I couldnt bring myself to tell him or his mother, my grandma. They still had pictures of me all around their house, they were so glad to see me. I want to have a relationship with him. I want to know him and I want my grandma back.

And the kicker is, when I saw my biological father, Russell, I wasn’t mad anymore. I wasn’t angry at him. I dont know where that came from. I sat in their barber shop and watched my brothers cut hair as he played chess with my uncle Curtis. My brothers are cool. I want to get to know them and their families. I want to show them love. I want the family that I had been missing out on all these years.

Russell’s mom died a few days ago. I never got to meet her because I was acting stubborn. She was my grandmother by blood. I dont want another day to go by without showing love to the people who love me the most. I want to experience the love of family.

I have 3 fathers in Miami that I need to get to know and to show some honor and respect. I never had family before now. I want that. I want to show them all this love that i have inside of me. I always give it to my friends, now it’s my family’s turn.

I went to church this morning, ready for God to knock me down and tell me I had to stay here in Gainesville. I expected Him to do that since I tend to think God’s will for our lives does not line up with our desires. I think that I was wrong. I expected things to suddenly change as soon as I walked into the building, to feel joined in the spirit, to feel like I value the people at my church more than I value my family back home. Well, that’s what my Pastor says should be in my heart.

I expected it to hit me like a bolt of lightening, “Ms. Tee THIS IS YOUR FAMILY” and I was prepared to surrender and be obedient to God’s word. It didnt. Nothing happened.

In fact, my Pastor preached a word about doing what you are anointed to do, and going out in the world to touch the people God wants you to reach.

My passion is in writing and sharing an encouraging word. My heart is in speaking and being transparent enough for the next person to see through me and ultimately see themselves. I want my struggles to be the key to victory for you. I want my tears to be the calming force in your life. I want my joys to elevate your spirit. I am annointed to write, speak and uplift.

And I must go after my dreams.

I was so excited when I read that he won!

Mr. Leonard Pitts, Jr. of the Miami Herald won the 2004 Pulitzer Prize for his commentary.

Wow!

His columns are engaging, thought provoking and REAL. I LOVE his writing! I wish I could meet him and ask him to be my mentor.

Thats what I really need, someone who is successful at what I want to do to train me up. Hmmm….

Check him out, he’s amazing.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE dont get mad at me for hounding you all on long distance job search tips.

You know I’m not above asking questions, in fact I rather enjoy it and I don’t want to give this a half-hearted try so be patient with me.

Ive been on Monster, hotjobs, careerbuilder, southfloridaworkforce, miamidade.gov and so many more places posting my resume its ridiculous. I have gotten some contacts but I need more stability than a sales position would allow although I think I would be great given a product that I actually liked, like media sales. Can’t do the commission thing though.

In my search I found this article about young people in the workforce that I thought was interesting. Read it.

It also led me to another site you may enjoy. Its called Quarterlifecrisis.com Its all about people just like me, finally getting done with school and and looking around thinking, “Is this what I did all that struggling for?”

I know its hard to remember dreaming about the magical day you become a grown-up. We were in such a hurry to grow up and finally be able to do what we wanted to do.

Sigh.

What a surprise…What we want to do has nothing to do with what we are actually doing.

I saw my friends Rick and Mike yesterday, we all met when I was just 18 years old. They both looked great! They are both building their first homes in Jacksonville as a result of successful careers in pharmaceutical sales. Mike is about to turn 27 this summer. When I reminded him of his old age he looked at me and said, “How did this happen?”

I dont know dawg. I dont know. This growing old thing is like a marble on a long, winding staircase, it just wont stop. And all we can do is hold tight and hope the bumps don’t break us.

Stay tuned.

I know you’re probably thinking, Whats going on with your blog? yep, hooked up with an old friend Marvin who I coaxed into changing some things around here. He’s still working on it but I GUARANTEE it’s going to be great!

I’ll give his contact info when it’s all done so you an get your web site hooked up too.

I’m going back to Miami this weekend and after some expert coaching from Ruby, I have a gameplan for getting me a job. I only have one interview lined up for Friday morning but hey, one interview, if it results in a YES, is all you really need. LOL

I spoke with my old friends Andrija and Kenya tonight. Andrija is a guy, he lives down south in Miramar and teaches at an innercity school in Miami. He hates kids though. Isnt that funny? He says his home will always remain a kid-free zone.

Kenya is still in Brooklyn living the life and chasing her dreams of being a CEO of a company. She is so creative and encouraging and it always gets me excited just talking to her.

So, I’m feeling great and looking good too. Baby daddy acting like he got some sense. I can’t believe how far we’ve come. No, there’s no hope of us ever getting back together but it’s so good to know that he supports me and is down for me. Finally.

I’m making my plans for some fun in the MIA. I always have my whole weekend booked way before I get down there. This time I’m gonna hang out with Dianna and see Andrija, and ofcourse I gotta scoop up Anna with her broke foot. I hope to be celebrating by the time I get back on Monday.

I’ll check you all later.

Tee

I can’t be drunk cuz I havent drank anything? I must be tired from work or just tired from all this stress I’ve put myself through this past week. I apologize to everyone for taking you on an emotional rollercoaster with me but you know how us Cancer’s do it.

While I’m at a major crossroad in my life I am not afraid. Everyone has to make a life changing decision sometime, or else you’ll get left behind.

I dont expect Miami to be my saving grace. I dont expect it to be perfect. I do expect to get reaquainted with my family. To know them as an adult. To experience Miami with a lot more freedom and from a different perspective.

Who knows, things may not line up for me. I may not get a job at all. I may be sitting right here come time to renew my lease. Whatever happens I am willing to accept it as a part of God’s plan.

I’m not pressed anymore. I’m not pressured. I’m not burdened. I feel like I’m watching a movie waiting to see how things turn out.

Well, I made it to Miami and I know this sounds weird cuz I’m usually so confident but I’m scared out of my mind. I have two job interviews tomorrow that I have to find by myself and I’m not used to driving around Miami. I know I’m whining but I feel like a little kid.

Wish me luck.

Tee

For those of you who haven’t kept up with my blog, let me fill you in. After a long awaited trip to my hometown and being extremely dissatisfied with my current job situation, I decided that I would try to get a job down there to pursue my dream of becoming a writer and motivational speaker. Through my long distance job hunt, I arranged two job interviews and drove the five hours to Miami late Thursday night so that I could spend all day Friday on the hunt for a job. This is the tale of my life-changing weekend.

I arrived in Miami around midnight, nervous and tired, but excited because I knew my Mama and stepfather were gonna be so happy to see my sons. They basically drooled over them and forgot that I was even there, so it was easy to slip out the door around 2 a.m. and go hang out. He, he.

Ahhhh….Freedom.

The next morning I’m over at Anna’s house getting ready for my interview and she’s looking at me like I’m an alien because I’m asking her for directions to the newspaper office that is in my old neighborhood.

“I can’t believe you’re acting like you never even lived here,” she said to me with a stank tone, her eyes wide and penetrating.

“Dawg, whatever,” I responded. I’m just trying to make sure I find the place, I haven’t been around here in years.”

So she gave me the keys to her car and off I went on my way to my interview for a community newspaper in Miami. I had inquired about a staff writer position and they said that they were in need of writers so I sent some writing samples and they wanted to meet with me.

Because the office is understaffed I had to wait an hour before I was even given some attention. I looked around and was impressed. The office was a lot nicer than I expected it to be, given that the paper is 75 years old and it is an independent black community newspaper. The office manager told me where the staff writers office was located and I ventured back to say Hi to my old friend Hansen, who I met when we were both in the journalism school at UF. He is now a staff writer at the newspaper.

A half hour later the office manager calls me to start a series of tests. She tests my copy-editing and my copywriting skills and I am asked to wait another hour while she handles the business of the office. It’s already noon and I’m looking at my watch and thinking, “My next interview is in 2 hours and I don’t even have the directions yet.” I tell her that I will come back later in the afternoon so that she will have time to grade my tests and speak with the publisher, to see if she will offer me a position.

I’m driving back to Anna’s house and it’s soooo hot, a Miami type of heat that I find so appealing. That heat that makes you want to sing, so I sing along with the radio that’s playing all the old joints like, ‘Oochie Coochie, La, la, la” and ‘Booty shake.‘ I’m bopping my head and bank head bouncing all the way back to Anna’s house feeling so alive and so free and so good to be back in the place where it all began.

I just have a minute to grub and get dressed before I’m out the door about to face one of the biggest fears of my life; the expressway.

Look, I don’t mind driving around Gainesville where the furthest I drive is to my church 20 minutes away and the most congested road I travel is Archer Road which takes about 10 minutes to travel from one end to the next, but Miami driving is a whole different story.

I didn’t even learn to drive until I came to college so I ain’t used to those crazy drivers down there and Anna is definitely one of them. They don’t signal when they change lanes, they don’t drink THEN drive, they drink WHILE they drive, they speed like their on their way to perform surgery and I can’t believe they drive like that considering the po-po’s be adamant about filling their ticket quota every night.

So here I am, a gentle baby kitten, making a right turn on 62nd avenue to face the HUNGRY LION, I95 South. My car merges into traffic and I look into my rearview mirror and freeze up. There is a sea of cars all around me, honking, changing lanes and whizzing past. It reminded me of that movie Clueless, when Dionne accidently drove on the freeway. That’s exactly how I felt. I remembered Anna told me that I was going downtown and to follow the signs, but it wasn’t a straight shot like I usually do, if I know that I am going to have to turn right I usually stay in the right hand lane.

But this monster had about six lanes and signs pointing everywhere. I had to check my mirror and move over, check my mirror and move over. I knew I had to get off on Exit 2 but it seemed like these exits had numbers AND letters, I didn’t know what to do. My whole body was shaking, I was gripping the steering wheel at 10 and 2, and I felt tears in my eyes. I took a chance and took Exit 2b, which veered off into a maze of other expressways that felt just like I was riding a rollercoaster, all the huge downtown buildings were towering over me, hiding the sky.

I got off the exit and looked at my directions. I should have been on SW 8th street. I was on Brickell Ave. With no cell phone and no sense of direction I began to cry. This was my biggest fear; getting lost in Miami. I drove around and around until I saw SW 8th street and then stopped for directions at a gas station.

“I’m lost,“I told the gas station attendant, who looked at me like he was amused. “I’m trying to find Brickell Bay Drive.”

“Cojd;lsiwkrm;ajk,— he said in Spanish to his co-worker. He turned to me and said, “You’re on the right street, just go down 5 lights and you’ll be right there.”

I thanked him and drove down past 5 lights and feasted my eyes on the beauty of this area. The buildings were huge and grand. Everyone was dressed impeccably, driving their Beemers and Escalades and Jaguars, looking like they are all on their way to a meeting. You know what, I have to admit, I didn’t see ONE white person the whole time I was in Miami! What a culture shock. They’re everywhere up here in Gainesville, but I did not see ONE in Miami. That’s crazy.

Anyway, I finally see the building I need to go to but I end up parking a few blocks down the street and I have to walk back. The building is huge, and proper. The back door to the building opens up to the beach, literally. You walk out the back door and you walk onto the beach. The elevators are polished and marble. I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors and I frown at my puffy eyes and wrinkled shirt.

I go all the way up to the 29th floor and open the door of Hastings and Hastings personnel service. I take all of these computer tests, fill out a million forms and finally meet with the Vice President of the company who tells me that I am a hot commodity in Miami because of my experience and computer skills. But because I don’t live down there, she can’t set me up on any interviews because most employers want to meet quickly to fill temp positions that usually lead to permanent positions.

“Look,” Jill says, “I’m not telling you what to do, but you need to get down here. It’s job season, you’re well qualified and you will be employed.”

I take all that in just like I took in the marvelous view of the beach that Jill and her staff take for granted. I had not even SEEN the beach in a year and there it was, for their enjoyment and they could care less.

I head back to my car, tired and grumpy but I knew I had to be back in Liberty City, to meet up with the publisher of the newspaper before the office closed at 5pm. It was 4pm so I had a minute but I didn’t know where I was. One thing about Miami, everything is like a grid. Avenues and streets intersect and as long as you can count, you can figure out where you need to go. So, I find SW 7th avenue and figure, “If I ride this bad boy long enough, eventually I’ll end up on the north side.”

So I ride and ride and ride through all of these Spanish neighborhoods, all these chicos staring at me. I’m just looking and dancing in Anna’s car and smiling at my people. A half hour later, I am on NW 54th street back in Liberty City where I grew up.

I go into the newspaper office and am told that the publisher was in a meeting. So I sit and sit and sit. When she finally comes over I am shocked. I expected a little bitty, old lady with glasses and I am greeted by a vivacious redbone who looks a bit like me. She’s precise, nails done, outfit perfect, lipstick fresh even at the end of the day. She sits down and talks to me like we’re homegirls.

“Now, if you had come in a week earlier you could have been on my staff of writers, but honey, I have enough writers right now, but let me see if I can work something out,“ she said.

“Let me say, any need you have in this office, I guarantee I can fill,” I say to her with confidence. “There will be no regrets about hiring me. You have no idea what’s about about to happen.”

She looks at me and smiles and I say, “I’m so serious.”

“Well,” she says. “I was looking for someone to develop my Faith and Family section. That is a very important section that we don’t dedicate enough time to. I need someone to help bring that section to what it needs to be.”

I look at her and smile like I know a secret. “You’re looking at a woman who has made it her mission to encourage and uplift through the written word, not only is it my passion, I love God and I don’t mind sharing what is going on in my heart and encouraging others to grow in the Lord. The fact that I am raising two sons alone, mirrors so many people’s situations that many will be able to identify with me. My readers love me because I am honest, I am descriptive and I speak the words from their hearts, when they didn’t even know they were feeling it.”

“That is exactly what I was looking for. Man, you writers. One minute I’m completely at a loss and the next minute, I have too many of you. But, I see you have some experience in sales, what about a sales position?“ she asks me.

“Well, I can’t work on commission I have two sons to feed.”

“Well, how much plus commission do you want to make?”

We negotiate a price that is EXACTLY what I was hoping to make.

“I just want to make sure that whatever position I fill, that I can do it with excellence,” I tell her earnestly.

“Well,” she says thinking deeply. “We’ll work something out. I have a need in marketing too, but let me tell you, if you give me 6 good months of maybe not doing exactly what you wanted to do, but just getting your foot in the door, you will be in the right position to do exactly what you want to do once the need arises.”

“Well what will I be doing?” I ask her.

“Let’s just say, you’ll be working very closely with me,” she says and smiles. “But let me think about it a little bit and figure out exactly what I want you to do and we’ll iron out the details later.”

Fine with me.

So, I haven’t gotten the final word from her yet but even if she totally changes her mind I still have the personnel agency to fall back on not to mention the other jobs that I have applied for. So, what do you think? Is this amazing or what? Not only am I poised to make EXACTLY what I wanted to make, I’m working in publishing, I have an opportunity to write and I have my family and friends around me.

But wait! I ain’t through yet.

So after this hectic day I go home and relax a bit with my sons and Anna and I decide to hang out. I’m getting dressed when Mimi calls me and tells me that she is coming over.

When she gets there she tells me that she has found a car for me. Her brother is a car dealer and he just bought a nice car from the auction that he wants to sell. We go out and test drive this 2001 Mitsubishi Galant with low miles and she tells me that she talked him down on the price to $4500! Since I had already been saving for a down payment for a car I had almost all of that in my account but she said she talked to him about my situation and the fact that I am moving and he says I can pay $3500 now and the rest when I get settled in.

So, I wrote him a check and the car is parked at my Mama’s house right now waiting for me! A 2001 beautiful car and I have NO CAR PAYMENTS! No DEBT to pay off! I can just drive and be free.

I had been afraid to ask God for exactly what I wanted because I figured it was too much to ask for. But in my mind I said I need to make this certain amount of money and I got it. I said I needed a new car but I didn’t want to make payments and he exceeded that expectation by giving me a true blessing. All I need to hear once I get down to Miami is, “You’re approved to move into your 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment with a washer and dryer” and I will literally FALL OUT!

I think that I am so unworthy of all of this provision. I was so afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I was so afraid to stand up and do what I wanted to do which is go after my passion. I almost let other people’s opinion of me strangle me. It is safe to say, God is lining all of this up for me. The word clearly says, “The steps of the righteous are ordered by God.”

Change means progress, so don’t be afraid. So here begins the next phase of my life. Join me, it’s been a blessing to have you along so far.

I spoke to the publisher of the newspaper today. All I have to say is she’s one tough lady. You know, she has to be to be able to run an operation as important as the largest black community newspaper in the South. The burden of representing the black community of Miami rests on her shoulders.

There is a whole community of people who need to have a voice and she is the vessel for the screaming masses.

She was very demanding during our phone interview. She was very much in my face and candid about what she wanted and my lack of experience in those areas. I just reminded her that I work hard and that I am passionate about the black community and about communications.

She said she wants someone to be her aid, to do what she does, go where she goes. She needs someone she can lean on to get things moving and release her from some of the mundane tasks so that she can tackle the big issues.

“I want you to work with me,” she said in a demanding tone. “Whatever I’m doing you’ll be doing. Whatever my hands are in your hands will be in.”

I think she’s looking for a protege.

Can I be that person who stands next to a woman who is such a vital part of the community and hold it down? Can I actually handle the responsibility of being in such close proximity to the woman who has a grasp on the heart of the black community?

Yeah. I think I got it.

I think I got it. I know I got it.

People, when this lady calls me tomorrow and finalizes the deal, it’s time for me to stand up and walk in my calling. I am a leader. I am an innovator and nothing can stop the motion of my stride. Long, strong and powerful.

Cuz God made me this way.

And you have power too.