The Alternative

I was in the hospital when she called to see how I was doing. I rattled on and on about urinating every 20 minutes and the sucky hospital food and how much I missed my kids. As soon as I took a breath for air she chimed in and said, “I have news too.”

“What news girl?”

“I’m pregnant.”

It took about 5 seconds for it to register. I put down the phone and bit my lip. I replaced the receiver and whispered, “What you gonna do?”

“What you mean what am I gonna do? I’m 27. I’m gonna have my baby.”

I released a small sigh.

Damn. I hadn’t heard those words from an unwed friend in years. My friend Dee is one of those cute chicks with a great body, beautiful personality and a bright future. While all of our friends were popping out kids at the turn of the century, she remained single and unattached.

She’s going to be a mother. Wow.

“So what happened with your boy?” I asked her. “How did he react?”

“Oh, he says he doesn’t want anymore kids and he doesn’t want me to have it. He’s serious too. I told him not to worry about it because this baby is mine and if he doesn’t want to deal with it then I won’t make him.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah girl. It’s not like I haven’t watched all of my friends raise children on their own. All of my friends did it. My sister did it. You are doing it. It’s not impossible.”

She’s having a baby.

The thought made me cry. I’ve known her since I was fourteen years old. Through no particular effort we have managed to remain close friends through all of these years and now…now…I get to be with her as she steps into the most wonderful evolution of her life. I get to see her belly swell and go to her baby shower. I get to visit her in the hospital with flowers and kiss her baby’s toes and watch as she grows.

For the first time ever I realized that Dee and I will probably be friends forever. We’ll probably be old ladies bragging on our children and sipping wine on the porch together. I’m an integral part of her life, just like she is an important part of mine. We’re sisters in a way…fighting the same battles and sincerely hoping for the best for each other.

You never think about that when you first meet someone. You don’t realize how much they will impact your life.

She called me with an interesting update on her situation. Even though she was stuck on STUPID, someone else had been stuck on her. They met a few years back and within a few months of meeting her he professed his love for her.

I remember when she first told me I laughed. She barely hung out with him, never entertained his advances and certainly never hunched him. he was sprung off of her essence, I guess. Although he knew she was seeing someone else, he still made it clear that he loved her and wanted her. She continued to be his friend but she said she didn’t want to use him. She was so sincere and she felt bad that she couldn’t return his affection.

When she told him that she was pregnant he was surprised but not dissappointed. By the end of the conversation he was elated and offered her a solution.

“Marry me. Come live with me,” he told her. “I’ll take care of you and the baby. Give the baby my last name. I love you.”

She wasn’t too surprised by his offer, he had always treated her this way. He always wanted to be her knight in shining armor.

“So what are you gonna do?” I asked her once again, my mind floating back to the man in my life who once loved me like he loves her.

“I don’t know. He’s so sincere,” she said with a sigh. “I think I may give him a chance. I don’t know. I’m just taking it one day at at time.”

Well you know me. I’m on a -Don’t believe him he’s a liar! They are all liars! He’s trying to trap you so that you can never find happiness! He’s out to run your life!- tip.

But I won’t tell her that. If I did she’d probably laugh at me.

My friend Kim always says, “Sometimes it ain’t about love dawg. Sometimes it’s about how much the man loves and respects you. If he treats you like a queen, you can learn to love him.”

Man…I think about the man in my life who offered the same thing to me. I turned him down. We’re still friends and I must admit, of every man I’ve come across in life, he has treated me the best.

I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me, hoping for the worst thing that ever happened to me to turn into a prince. He never did.

Maybe love…that passionate, crazy, out of control feeling is under rated. Maybe love is stability and dedication despite the circumstances.

I remember this newly married woman I met in college. She moved to this country because a friend of mine loved her and wanted to marry her. In confidence she told me, “You know, I always wanted to marry someone I could be passionate about and love so much. But I told myself that if I never met that man, then I’d marry [her husband] because I know he is passionate about me and loves me so much.”

And she did.

And they are still married.

Did she settle? No, I don’t think so. I think she just wised up.

Maybe he is sincere and will treasure her as his prize for the rest of his life.

Maybe…