My life is a miracle.
I had a dream last night where I cussed someone out like I’ve never done before. I was talking DIRTY and mean spirited and..When I woke up I felt so bad.
But I forgave myself and proclaimed, “Today is going to be a great day!’
And it was…
I didn’t stress myself about anything at all today. I told myself that everything that I want to happen wasn’t going to happen TODAY so I didn’t expect it and it allowed me to relax.
I made a few phone calls to get sources for my next newspaper article. I organized my notes and followed up on the requirements for one of the jobs I applied for. I read a chapter for my human sexuality class and then I went to campus to meet my group member. I’m so glad she decided to meet with me because she helped me with my research process.
With just a few strokes of the key, I manged to get most of my research done for my Gender Identity Disorder paper. There was one thing I didn’t understand though.
If Gender Identity Disorder is about people who don’t feel like the gender they have is the one they should have…isn’t that directly related to socially constructed gender roles? I mean, if we are all born HUMAN, should it matter what kind of traits we have, be it masculine or feminine? Who decided that a man should behave in a certain way and a woman should behave a certain way?
If we weren’t socialized to submit to society’s expectations then maybe this disorder wouldn’t even exist.
Hmm…I don’t know. I asked my classmate what she thought and she was like, “I don’t know.”
“So what about the lesbians who dress like boys? Are they doing that because they wish they were boys or because they like women so they think that’s how they should dress?”
My classmate replied, “I don’t know.”
After we met, we had lunch together and she showed me pictures of her ex-girlfriend, who was really cute by the way.
“Did ya’ll used to cuddle and kiss and stuff?” I asked her.
She smiled, “Yes.”
“What happened with ya’ll?”
“She got married to a man her mother introduced her to. Her parents were pressuring her to get married because they didn’t like her lifestyle and he had money. She’s divorced now and wants to get back with me.”
“Will you?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
At one point she asked me if I was going to write about her. I leaned my head to the right and pursed my lips. “Maybe. I guess so.”
“Just don’t use my real name okay?”
After I left her I went to find my advisor but he wasn’t there so I went over to the Writing Center and had the people there edit my story.
There’s a writing competition that is accepting all kinds of entries. I figure I may as well give it a shot. Before the man started correcting my paper, I told him what to expect and I was dead on. My problem in my writing is sticking to one verb tense. I’ll go from present, to past to present progressive and not even notice it.
After that I went to the computer lab to do some more research and I found so much interesting information that I’m considering changing the topic of my paper. I was all up in those journal articles like…”OOh for real? This is juicy!”
I was dead tired by the time I got to class, 6 hours after I had first walked on campus. But ofcourse my class is never boring and I was fascinated as my professor gave an example of a client that he had.
The child’s parents brought her in because they felt she was too shy. Introverts like myself get a bad rap. People think something is wrong with us because we don’t get all excited when we’re around people and we enjoy being alone.
He asked the girl’s parents to leave the room and he sat down with her.
“So you’re shy?” he asked.
“I guess,” the girl said. “It’s just that when people tell me I’m shy, it makes me want to be even more quiet.”
“Well, let’s try an excercise,” he said.
They proceeded to make a list of about 15 occupations that would fit her personality. Then they made a list of occupations that would suit a more extroverted person.
He explained to her that there’s nothing wrong with the way she is. There’s room for everyone’s personality to achieve success in a career, you just have to make a good match. Being a writer, a computer technician, a mathmetician or a therapist are good matches for people who work things out more efficiently in their minds.
See..That’s what I love about being in this program. We don’t learn how to fix anyone’s problems. We don’t blame them for having an issue. We never try to make them feel as though they are doing something wrong, if it IS wrong (like rape, pedophilia, stalking), then we explain how they can channel their desires in a more socially acceptable way.
We help them to come to terms with how the issue is affecting their life in a negative way, if it is at all. Sometimes it’s OUTSIDE influences that have a problem with the behavior and the client doesn’t really see it as wrong.
We help them to become comfortable with their “problem” until they realize it’s not a problem at all, it’s simply a reaction from some negative perception they made up in their minds and can be easily changed once they change their perception.
One case study I read involved a man who loved to masterbate to porn magazines and felt so much shame he couldn’t have an erection when he was with a woman. The therapist helped him to release the guilt associated with this action. Once the man was over the guilt, he felt more normal and his problem went away.
After reading this..I prayed, “Lord PLEASE send me someone with a sex related issue so I can practice my techniques on them!” ~smile~
It’s so funny how people think the things they do are so abnormal. There’s nothing you’ve done that someone else hasn’t done.
I love the fact that the client and the therapist work together as a team. We’re not experts. We co create possibilities for a brighter future for the client.
This program helps me to feel better about who I am and what I want out of life.
I am sp proud of myself because I’m adjusting to the academic life. I’m not giving up. I’m going to do well.