Is it safe to say that I don’t know what I’m doing?
All I know is what feels right and what doesn’t.
As I flitter and flutter trying so hard to get it right, seeing what others are doing but knowing that their path is not right for me but wanting so badly to fit into that box to make the choices that they have made and be alright with it.
I wish that I could wake up from this perpetual dream. The fight for it seems esoteric and I can’t unlock the key to the blissful reality. You see me and you feel for me, but most importantly I feel for me. Not sad. Not mad. I’m just…
Just…
A stupid, stupid girl.
Spoiled rotten at the core. I dare to believe that at all times, in all ways I can have things my way, just the way I believe. This attitude leaves me: single, jobless, directionless, clueless.
Yet, in the most amazing way, I sit and smile, knowing that my future is brighter than the sun. How the hell can I believe that when my TODAY is as fickle as a piano hanging on a tree?
I don’t know. I don’t know. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
If anyone has the pill to make me be…more like the masses, less of a dreamer, an idealist, an inspirational thinker, please, please, pass it along to me.
Cuz really, as adventurous as this all may seem, if I had the chance to be more like you…I would.
I would…
Sometimes I think I’m fucking stupid as hell.
But isn’t that the process of figuring out what life is about?