What’s Going On?

No, I didn’t make much money tonight at work but…I realized that serving others (as a waitress) really humbles me. Like, I’m very much confident in my skills, intelligence and star power but…the simple act of bringing people ranch dressing and picking up chicken wing bones off the floor brings me back to reality.

I love serving people. I love making people feel good about themselves. I love seeing another person’s vision for their life and then giving them suggestions on how to get there. I study EVERYBODY who is doing something unique. I watch them work. I am innovative and creative. I have all the ideas you could ever need and I give them away because I can always come up with more.

I have a lot on my mind lately. School starts tomorrow. I really relaxed this week, did nothing much except lay on my bed and chat with Tamara. I finally persuaded Anna to get on twitter. Geesh! I had to remind her, “You still use the email account I set up for you, right? That was a good idea, wasn’t it? Trust me. Twitter is the shit, dawg.”

I love social media. Do you KNOW how many new ideas and new perspectives on life I come across on twitter alone? Just reading about other people’s lives and watching them travel, go through life changes and vent about relationship frustrations really captivates me and teaches me a lot about my own life. The weird part is, celebrities are on twitter too and I’m not sure if I want to know that much about their lives like that. The mystery is what made them special. Now I’m following Quest Love on twitter and he’s always in some karaoke or comedy show on the late night. I don’t feel the same as I used to about him. Still love Shaq on twitter though!

Ooohh..Let me tell you about my guyfriend Deep. He is one fascinating person. I feel that he must feel the same way about me because we spend a lot of time on the phone discussing shit I can’t talk to most people about. He challenges me and annoys me the same way I annoy him. I’m always reminding him to embrace what the Universe is sending his way and he reminds me not to be fearful and to act with faith and watch miracles happen. “Anything will work if you have faith in it,” he told me tonight after we discussed the different ways that we project energy into the Universe and toward people we love.

He is so different..and he does not want to have secks with me. Shocker. So shocked. Dissappointed even. Not that he’s hot or anything but it’s just…I don’t know of any man who is single and in my life and has not tried to have secks with me. Deep just..well, he just wants to vibe with me on a spiritual level. I love that about him but it hurts me at the same time. I’m not used to men just wanting to be my friend. It bothers me.

I learn so much from him though. He’s younger than I am and into wellness. He’s a Vegan. He eats tofu and shit. LOL! He drinks homemade tea with bee pollen and shit. LOL! I be laughing at his ass all the time!

The wild thing is..he’s celibate. And not ‘I’m celibate but I’ll still eat you out’ type of celibacy but he explained it like this: “To me having secks is like marrying someone. You take a part of every person’s soul with you when you have secks and you give a part of you away too. I’m not giving my soul away like that. I’m straight.”

What an interesting perspective…especially coming from a dude.

Anyway..I’ve been wearing my hair with a headband around it like this picture…

You like it? I think I do. I like the way I look with my hair pulled back from my face. For about a week I was debating HARD about getting a perm and having a more mainstream look but..I just can’t do it. I can’t. Now…if someone offers me some MONEY to perm my hair so I can be on a TV show or something like that..hell yeah…but I like my natural look too much to change it just on the hope that having a more mainstream look will help my career.

I know I don’t want to grow dreads. I see too many people with that look plus my Mama’s hair is locked and I’m not ready to look like her. I still don’t know what I’m doing with it but I LOVE MY HAIR!

I still can’t smile full out like I want to because of my teeth. The tooth on my right side is cracked even more and I look like a fool. ~sigh~ I need dental work badly. I can’t even smile or be confident like I want to.

~sigh~ I’m trying to be confident but I just don’t trust people to handle my work the way I would. I gave the text version of my presentation to this publisher and he said he published it in his newspaper but I haven’t received the print in the mail yet. The deadline for the Pulitzer is February 1st so that means I have 2 weeks to get the copy of the paper (IF he really printed it on time- before the new year) and then fill out the application, take a new picture to send along with it and send it all in. I don’t know this dude at all but he’s supposedly a pretty trustworthy person but I don’t know…I need to see it in print. I hope it came out alright.

And…my horoscope says I will win a contest this month. I’m hoping it’s the essay contest to win tickets to the inauguration. I sent in the text version of my Dragon presentation. My Mama says its probably too deep for them but hey…I can’t help the way I think.

In my mind, if all of my fantasies come true, my sister and I will be in DC enjoying the festivities and maybe I’ll even get to see my essay published in a major newspaper like USA Today. Wouldn’t that be grand?! ~sigh~

I love to daydream about the BEST thing that could happen.

On the romance front..no romance on the horizon. Trini boy calls me sometimes and I meet guys all the time but none of them are a match for me. Maybe it’s me cuz I’m not TRYING to make it match with any of them. I don’t feel I should have to try. Like, if dude doesn’t like the fact that I smoke Blacks then fuck’em! We’re not a match. Or if a dude has two days off each week and those two days are the days that i work then fuck’em! We’re not a match. I don’t wanna be with anyone’s employee anyway… I’m not changing shit for anyone.

Ya’ll need to get on facebook. There was an interesting discussion about women being submissive to their men today that was started by the author of the Alphanista blog. I had a lot of shit to say because you know that although I am dominant all day, I want my man to be even more dominant than me. I don’t want to have to teach him how to be a man, give him ultimatums in order to be with me or any of that. I want him to come ready to serve- me, our family and humanity. I want to relax and be able to trust that…he got it. He know what he’s doing. He is a real man. I don’t have to check up on him or double check his motives. He’s trustworthy. He’s smart as hell. If he makes a decision, I have to back him because he has a proven track record of success. He’s not selfish. He wants the best for me and our family and does not hold anything back in pursuit of providing the best for all of us.

“Pack your bags,” he’ll say.

No questions–just packing.

~sigh~ Wouldn’t that be nice?

Yes it would and…according to The Alchemist theory…everytime we express a desire the Universe pulls out all the stops to give us just what we want.