I had a fantastic day with my boys yesterday. I picked them up by 9:15 and we went to breakfast at Denny’s. Then we headed to the grocery store because they requested that I cook for them. We came back and played around for a little while until it was time for out appointment to take our family pictures and we rode up the street to the Olan Mills studio and used our discount picture session.
By the time we were done, Kim called saying she was on her way to Tampa and wanted to see me. She stopped by and we all sat in her car as I examined her swollen belly. There weren’t too many words for us to say. We rarely see each other so it seems as though each time we do get to hang out its like a check point in our lives.
Where are you now?
Where are you physically? Did you gain weight? Is someone loving you? How’s your progress in your career? What is your home life like? Where are you spiritually?
As we assessed this particular checkpoint we couldn’t help but reach back into the not so distant past and reminisce on the last few checkpoints that we had. Everything is so different from the last time we saw each other. Kim is married now, teaching masters level courses and is 5months pregnant. She doesn’t even have the Beemer anymore. Still in Chicago. Still loving her life and smoothly transitioning on to the life of her dreams.
As she drove away I watched the back of her rental car wondering what will have changed by the time we get to see each other again.
Hmmm…
My boys and I drove through the rain back to my place and I stood at the stove turning it on for the second time since I’ve lived here. They smiled up at me and returned to watch their cartoons. After dinner we all got dressed and walked down the street to hang out on the downtown strip.
The clubs were open, although empty but we managed to sneak inside of one so that they could see the flashing lights and the atmosphere. They were impressed. We stopped by the gelato store to choose a few flavors and giggled down the street afterwards.
Spending time with them is something like magic. We are very affectionate toward each other and we all love to cuddle. They fell asleep in my arms and I woke up a few times during the night, only to kiss them on their foreheads and fall back asleep. I dreamt of all kind of craziness but nothing disturbing.
When my son woke up it was almost 7am and I was shocked that I slept the whole night. I never do that anymore so this was a treat. I am so grateful for where I am right now. I’m realizing everyone’s role in my life and grateful that I can play a role in theirs.
I have a paper due tomorrow and I haven’t even chosen the topic. I’m a whiz with research papers though. After I understood how to format them and organize them, its easy as cake.
I still think about those grandiose hopes and dreams that I once held but they make me smile instead of cringe because I have no idea how to accomplish them.
I mean…it would be nice to taste that kind of success but honestly…I’m okay where I am now. Even with the man hating and the bitterness and the social anxiety…I’m still cool with who I am and where I am right now.
I don’t need anything to happen in order for me to be happy and I don’t need or want a man in my life right now. I’m straight.