Ok. Ok. I’m a stereotype dammit.
I mean.. all these years I have been running away from the stereotype that people place on me when they meet me, they think I’m a poet and I’m conscious and I listen to Erykah Badu. Well, they were right about all of that except I don’t listen to Erykah Badu.
I just never took the time although I admired her looks.
Until last night. My counselor suggested I find a song that relaxes me so that I can play it when I’m feeling anxiety and he told me that he plays Time’s A Wastin when he gets stressed out. I decided to download her CD and when I pressed play I ….felt like…. I was lost in time.
My first emotion was bliss…then it changed to…desire…desire to clean up. I looked around my apartment longing for this shit to be cleaned up so i can really relax and enjoy this music. Then I rolled my eyes and got lost in the music again.
My mind whirled and twirled and images of my best me flashed in my mind. I saw myself as I wish I could be…smiling…settled…prosperous…content.
I wanted to be a better woman…
This album, Mama’s Gun, made me wanna live a different, better, new and improved life.
Then my emotions went from hopeful to longing… Bag Lady…
“I betcha love can make it better…”
Damn…
I wish I was an Orange Moon
I’m an artist dammit.. but even I know that these songs were written in the key of life.
A life I’m not too keen on…but I want to be.
I feel open…
And When I heard Time’s a Wastin and around the 3 minute mark I almost lost myself… I wanted to fuck to this song..I wanted to get married to this song…I wanted to be touched to this song…
And when that shit break down around the 3 minute mark… I just wanna scream! Its like the angels were singing to me…
WHY IS THIS MUSIC TOUCHING ME SO MUCH?!! I want some help with this…
I feel like I felt when I heard Lauryn Hill’s voice for the first time… Like I felt when I heard Heard’Em Say by Kanye West.. It dumbfounded me… Ughh….
I’m so hurt and confused by all of this..
What kind of counselor introduces me to this type of music that grabs me by the soul?
I hate him.