Wanna hear something crazy?
Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna be a world leader.
What is a world leader anyway? I am so not a politician. I am not a doctor or a religious figure or advocate.
I don’t know why but I just had this feeling about it just now and a speech came tumbling into my brain called the New Generation of Leaders and I was sitting here saying the speech with so much authority that it just felt right.
I always said, “If you can imagine it, you can have it.”
Wow. Wouldn’t that be crazy? If ol crazy Ms. Tee ended up being an important leader or some craziness.
I don’t know if I really want that. I really want, to be able to eat at Red Lobster again, to pay off my child support debt and my student loans and to go to the dentist and to be able to really have some fun with my sons without worrying about money.
I don’t know. I’m just rambling I guess.
No anxiety since last Tuesday. Yay! But that’s because I haven’t interacted with anyone in person since then. Still holed up in my studio apartment smoking cigarettes working on my website and getting FULL off the joy of what I’m doing everyday.
I sent out another press release today. I think I’m getting better at writing them. No press has called yet so maybe i’m not THAT good. SMH.
I am so isolated yet I don’t feel like something is WRONG with me because of it.
Like, I have no best friend or no boy friend or no girl friend and I have no friends to call and hang out with so I’m really, all alone.
Yet, even while I’m all alone I still feel okay. It’s okay to be alone. I have fun by myself. I laugh. I do what I want. I’m comfortable.
I am so stress free lately.
I never knew what a weight I had been carrying until it was released.
I think I’m going to cry. I know I am, and its not because I’m scared and I don’t know what to do, it’s because, I’m so happy that for once I DO know what to do and i’m NOT Scared and I’m finally feeling light and free and hopeful even though theres still lots I would like to change about who I am.
I’m not perfect but I make perfect choices.
I am okay.