Do I Still Believe?

Dang! Is it really December already?

I’ve been going over something in my mind a lot lately and it’s causing me some confusion. A couple of years ago I wrote this piece about God having a soulmate for you and waiting on Him to receive His gift of marriage. Basically the piece illustrated my conviction NOT to date, but to trust God to speak to me directly and let me know who He has for me.

Since then I have dove into this belief head first. I developed supporting literature, I gave plenty of talks, found other books supporting this belief and encouraged my friends to stop wasting time and wait on God.

My time on BlackPlanet was specifically dedicated to this endeavor. I figured that since so many people on BP were looking for love, then this message would be a good one for them to read, to give them hope for something that had eluded them for so long.

I received an overwhelming response to my message on BP. Men and women alike all wrote to me sharing how my message touched them and inspired them. They forwarded copies to their friends. They invited me to come speak, to write letters, to encourage. I was very excited that I was enlightened to be able to speak life to a subject that so many people thought was hopeless.

God DOES have someone special all set aside for you, and He is so powerful that He will let you know- or so I thought.

My dilemma becomes, what do I do now that I don’t believe this anymore? The message is still powerful. My page still receives a crazy amount of hits and I still get letters from people telling me that I gave them hope for love.

I hesitate to write them back because what will I say, “Uh, sorry, I wrote that a couple of years ago and I was wrong. Please go back to whatever you were doing before because I don’t think God cares about all that, just make a wise decision and hope for the best.”

I don’t know. It may be my bitterness concerning men that is clouding the truth that was once introduced into my life. It may be the fact that I THOUGHT I heard God clearly concerning this matter- but I was wrong. Or it may be that I am growing and changing and just as my body is changing, my outlook on life is changing.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I would love to continue to broadcast this message. I just don’t want to be a hypocrite.