I Know That He Exists

That’s because I’ve already met him.

All those years of crafting the ideal man in my mind have surprised me by appearing before my eyes. His name is B. He’s younger of course, an import from New Orleans. I met him over a month ago. I was chillin when I saw him with a silly grin on his face. I walked over and said Hi, he smiled. I smiled too. No attraction, no butterflies just two individuals wasting time before the main event.

He slid me his business card, I didn’t pause just threw it in my bag and rolled on. But on the next business day I shot a quick note so say Hey. How you doing? Nice to meet you. What’s up with you? Did you enjoy the luncheon where I met you?

A quick reply, he said Hi. Nice to meet you too. It was very nice meeting so many professionals, that’s where I’m trying to go. That’s who I’m trying to be. I just graduated from college and I’m trying to make it! I wanna live lovely, sip bubbly by the sea. But first I’m getting my head right, being fed right. From Proverbs to Think & Grow Rich, that’s where my head is right, now I’m moving on to a higher level. I gotta get that paper but the basis is this yo, I know that every good and perfect gift comes from God. I’m trying to live hard, the Christ way, it’s my heart.

Oh, is that so? I got something for ya. I slid him some of my words, you already heard but he ain’t know. Take a look at this line. Peep the scheme of this rhyme. Every positive affirmation is my lifeline. I got dreams and visions of living a lavish life and everyone who knows me knows the basis is Christ. God gave me this gift, this desire to inspire. Everyday I use the written word to try to push others higher. You like Proverbs? Think and Grow Rich? Man, that stuff is so good for you. You’re into the same type of writing that I hope to mass produce. This is nice meeting a guy who is on the same page. Answer this. Have you set your vision for today?

The vision has been set and I’m on the right path. I want to dibble and dabble until my whole life has past. I have so many interests, I’m waiting on God to see what to do. I like to call myself a “ubiquitous businessman”, I know it’s going to come true.

Weeks and weeks past and we’re still emailing solely. He lives right here in Miami. South of US1. I’m just a 20 minute ride away, if he wanted to meet and have some fun. But dude is content with emailing me. We exchanged numbers, a few texts but not a single attempt to call me.

Our hearts are the same. We hope to inspire others and help them change their lives in the best way. We almost had a heart attack when we found out we were born on the same day.

Twin spirits, same direction, same path. It’s so hard not to get emotional when what I’ve been praying for appears at last. But we ain’t going nowhere. He’s not interested in me. At least he doesn’t show it like the rest of those guys. No surprise the first time in life a man meets all of my standards, dude doesn’t think of me, doesn’t see me. All he wants from me is friendship, no booty.

It’s crazy I’ve toyed with cutting him off, gotta protect my heart, but his heart is so brilliant. I’d rather just be his friend than have absolutely nothing at all. Whoever snags him will be one lucky bitch. I hate this shit but I’d rather see him happy than succumb to my wish.

I got this other dude in my ear whispering things that I like. I’m digging you. You’re beautiful. No girlfriend though, if I had one she’d be just like you. I look over at him and smile, he’s a cool ass cat. Cutie, professional, nice booty to match.

But I promise it must be a habit. To much I just can’t handle it. He reminds me so much of my baby daddy, geesh! Sometimes I can’t stand it. All those things I loved about him when we first met. How his eyes used to glaze over when he looked at me. How he would kiss my skin so lovingly. He adored me. And so does this dude. I’m looking close for the signs to let me know he’s an abuser. There are none, yet. Am I being unfair? I’m on guard, super tense, ready to sock it to’em. But we chill some. And I like him, yes. It’s just…

On the back end of laughing, huffing and puffing, my thoughts consistently turn to B who I know ain’t thinking about me.

No dilemma, I’m poised to win. I know it! I won’t settle for 2nd best when God already showed me that there is a man on this earth who matches my drive. Maybe there will be another who will be feeling me this time.

I’m okay. Not sad. Just had to release.

I trust that God has the very best and He will present him to me.