Breaking Free

I may have mentioned this before but it’s on my mind again.

I hide a part of myself from this blog. I guess it’s the part of me that I am ashamed of.

It’s the….

The….

high sexual energy part of me. I rarely talk about my desires and fantasies because they are not normal and quite freaky and would probably even run some men away. I am naturally sensual. Meaning, even without trying I exude a sexual energy that is off the heezy. Some people would call it borderline slutty but dammit, I’m tired of pretending I’m someone I’m not.

I wish I could be free to explore all the sexual fantasies that are in my mind. I want to cry and scream and not hold anything back. I want to run around naked and talk as dirty as I want to and even role play with my significant other. I want to do it all the time. Twice a night and once in the morning.

Why can’t we as women admit we have sexual desires too? I feel so bound up by being the nice girl, or trying to project that image. I want to be spanked! YES I SAID IT! I wanna a nice ass whoopin! Is that so wrong?!

I want someone who is willing to allow me to try out everything I’ve ever thought of. And I want to be secure in his love for me so that I can fully fulfill my fantasies.

What would God say about all of this?

I feel so much bondage because I don’t think He would like me to do any of the stuff I have in mind. Perverted, nasty stuff that you have to keep a secret because it’s too wild for TV.

I apologize for the outburst.

I’m seriously going through something right now.

I feel like I’m breaking free… I am so ready to enjoy being me.