Check Your Heart

When I was younger I had a problem with going off on people. I learned a negative communication style from my household and it carried over into my own personality.

As a young adult I promised myself that I would get a grip on this yelling and screaming and telling people off. Ask anyone around me and they’ll tell you, I have seriously changed my ways. But it took a consistent effort on my part to calm down when I am angry and I had to sometimes “lose” a fight in order to win.

“It’s not what you say it’s how you say it,” people would always say to me. I realized that I was saying things IN TRUTH but not IN LOVE. No one wants to hear you pass judgement on them, even if you are right. No one wants to be berated or belittled because you need to make your point known.

Saying things IN LOVE means offering a word of correction in a way that the person will take it as a word of encouragement.

Sometimes it is as simple as checking your motives before you open your mouth.

Check your heart. If you find yourself constantly analyzing someone’s life and finding that they are always messing up, then maybe you have too much time on your hands. Why would you sit there and analyze someone else’s life? How does that benefit you or your household?

Check your heart. If you are prone to “tell a bitch off” because they need to hear the truth then maybe you aren’t as mature as you think you are. Only children say whatever comes to their minds. Grown ups think of the consequences and weigh whether or not their words will be received in the best possible way. Or maybe you don’t care. Maybe you just want to feel like you are superior to the other person involved and giving them a good tongue lashing would satisfy your ego which means your words aren’t really for their benefit.

Check your heart. Gossip is for bored old ladies. Why would you care if Tangela and her man had a fight last night? If Tangela confided in you that means she trusts you and looked to you for support. Don’t abuse her trust by going over all the details of her mishap with all of your friends. What’s the point? How does that help her? But it sure feels good to look at her and think, “I would never put up with that!” Maybe not, but you put up with other things don’t you? And if you don’t, then hooray for you, have a heart and pray for your sister to grow in the area where she falls weak.

Before I consider a person to be my friend, I take into regard how they speak of their other friends. Are they always gossiping about how none of them can get their lives together? Are they always lieing to them and laughing at their misfortune?

I can’t get down with someone like that. I speak well of my friends and I expect them to speak well of me, even during my misfortune.

“I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.”- Benjamin Franklin

Which brings me to my final point. Have you ever met someone who says, “I can fit in with any crowd. I’m versatile. I’m liked by everyone.” And you see that this is true. At work they can hang with anyone reagardless of age or status. They can hang in the streets with the rough crowd. They can be the Pastor’s best friend at church and everyone genuinely loves them.

BEWARE!

How many personalities do you have to have to fit in with EVERYONE? Is this person ever truly being themselves or are they changing their personality to reflect whoever is around them? What kind of a life is that?

As much as I cringe when I don’t fit in and as much as I’d like to find my place in this world, I’m content knowing that I am ME regardless of who is around and I don’t compromise my speech patterns, likes and dislikes to suit everyone else’s preferences.

I am grateful for my friends because I can’t offer anything but a warm conversation. And everyday, we seek each other out, just to brighten each other’s day.

“A friend to all is a friend to none.”- Aristotle