He smiled at me and nudged her forward. I flashed her a smile and I knew that she was his lady.

“You’re beautiful!” I told her and gave her a hug.

He walked away and she stood smiling politely but I could sense there was a burden on her heart.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“Well, it’s him. He’s with me but he doesn’t think of me the way he thinks about you.”

“But you’re with him and I’m not. You’re in his arms, I’m still single. That should count for something,” I pointed out.

“But I wish he would think of me the way he thinks of you,” she said sadly.

He reappeared and gave her a hug and the two of them walked away.

When I woke up I shook my head at the thought. HIM, thinking of ME? Yeah right.

I wonder what he has been up to. I wonder if he’s married yet.

I wonder if he ever wonders what I am up to.

A week later his frat brother hit me up on myspace. After I added him we exchanged a few words and blessings.

My thoughts turned to HIM as they do when I get nostalgic so after taking a few days to think about it, I hit his frat brother up and asked about HIM.

The next day my phone chimed alerting me to a new incoming email.

I almost fell off the bed when I casually flipped open my sidekick and saw the subject heading which read: Donovan Daniels.

My heart jumped and I hurridely scrolled through the greeting. His frat brother had passed along my message.

I put my phone down and smiled the most joyful smile as warm feelings of young love engulfed me.

I was 13 when I met him. I was an 8th grader at Drew Middle and highschool was just a few months away and I had yet to decide which magnet program that I wanted to go to.

I knew that it was time for a new beginning. I didn’t want to go to my neighborhood highschool because I already knew everyone and everyone knew me. I had immense success on the social level that I attributed to pure luck and I wanted to see if I could go somewhere new where no one knew me and attract the same results.

I visited several open houses for highschool programs but none interested me. My Mama and I stopped by the open house for Miami Jackson High’s International Business and Finance program. I wasn’t remotely interested in business but I did like the Latin population at the school.

I listened intently as the speakers explained the benefits of the program and afterwards I walked over to meet a few of the current students when I saw HIM.

He walked over to me and introduced himself. Immediately I could tell that there was something different about HIM.

He was unlike any boy I had ever met. His voice was a dep baritone and he walked with a confidence unlike any boy I had been introduced to. His glasses shined and he greeted me warmly. “Next year when you get here if you need anything and I do mean ANYTHING, let me know and I will take care of you.”

Take care of me?

Wow.

In hindsight I can see why I liked him so much. He was my first introduction to men.

He wasn’t some little boy who wanted to feel on my booty and run and tell his friends. His countenance oozed manliness and I was attracted to that.

When I got to Jackson I ran into him again, he invited me out to lunch and I was so nervous that I could barely hold a conversation with him as he walked me to his car, a gray 1983 Mazda 626.

A CAR!

This was definitely NOT a boy. He could drive!

I was floating on air as I rode beside him in the front seat. His cousin Naiim and another older girl were in the backseat chattering happily.

His conversation was engaging and I knew that he was a leader, intelligent and fine as hell! I wondered if he could like me.

I never found out. He was a senior and preparing for college. All year long I made my interest known by sending him candy grams during holidays and acting silly everytime he came around.

My friends Anna and Tamara teased me because they knew I was in love with a seemingly untouchable young man.

He graduated and went off to the University of Florida. Every year he would come back during the spring break and I would go crazy when my friend Vernon would come up to me to tell me, “Donovan is here and he’s looking for you.”

I didn’t want to see him until I knew that I was pretty enough, tight enough and grand enough that he couldn’t deny me. But he always found me somehow. He’d walk up to me and ask if I was okay. Then he’d smile and pat me on the back and walk away.

When my senior year came I applied to UF and anxiously awaited my acceptance letter.

One day I came home from school and my mother was sitting there looking sad.

“Your sister ran away today,” she informed me and I rolled my eyes. My little sister was only 13 years old but she was wilding out with an older guy and didn’t want to stick to the rules.

“Oh yeah,” my Mama continued. “Donovan Daniels called you today from UF. He said he’d call you back.”

I jumped!

OH MY GOSH! HE CALLED ME!

My Mama looked at me sideways and I forgot all about my little sister’s fast ass.

“She’ll be back,” I told my Mama and went to my room to fantasize about Donovan.

He called me back and I melted as I heard the baritone voice in my ear.

“You okay?” he asked me.

“Ofcourse.”

“Well, I work in Admissions here and I saw your name on one of my lists. I just called to tell you that my fraternity will be in Miami in two weeks. We’re competing in a step show. I hope you can come.”

“I’ll be there!” I assured him excitedly.

For the next two weeks I was on my best behavior. There was no way I was going to give my Mama a reason to tell me I couldn’t go to the step show to see Donovan.

My good behavior paid off. I was allowed to go and even though none of my other friends were interested in going, I called my mentor Traci an she dropped me off to the arena.

This was also the first time that I was introduced to greek life up close and personal.

There I sat in the middle of a gang of college students. The AKA’s sat to my left, all poised and dignified, while the Delta’s sat to my right, wilding out, sexy and having fun.

After the step show I spotted Donovan and nervously walked over to him. He gave me a hug and smiled down at me.

“Guess what?” I said. “I got into UF!”

He laughed. “I know. I knew that when I called you but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.”

I giggled and did a little happy dance.

“I’ll see you in college!” I said and walked away, waving at him.

My first days in Gainesville were unhappy days. My parents didn’t take me up to school. They simply put me on an airplane and gave me $80.

Thank God my friend Kim had decided to take her first semester off and was staying with her grandmother in a nearby town. She picked me up from the airport and drove me to campus for the first time.

“This is it, dawg,” she said. “This is the University of Florida.”

My mouth dropped as we drove through the campus and parked in front of Murphree Hall.

Kim stayed with me as I checked in and was given my dorm room key. When we walked into my room I put my bags down and Kim looked at me.

“Don’t leave me here!” I begged her. “Let me at least stay with you for the weekend. Girl, I’m scared. I don’t know anyone here.”

So we went to Kim’s grandmother’s house and watched in horror as the news reported about Princess Diana’s fatal car accident.

When Monday came Kim drove me back to campus and there I was facing this whole new world alone.

I spent two weeks crying everyday. I would call Tamara, who had started her freshman year at Florida State and cry, telling her that I wanted to go home. She would encourage me by saying, “It will get better Tee. Hang in there.”

One day I ran into a girl on campus who had graduated the year before me from highschool and she invited me to go out with her friends to a party.

It would be my first college party and I had no idea what to wear. In highschool I was on lock down and didn’t get to experience the club scene or anything outside of school activities.

I chose an outfit that I thought was okay. My hair wouldn’t behave. I didn’t even know how to curl my hair properly. I shrugged and walked outside to wait for the girl. When she got there my mouth dropped as I approached her car.

There were 3 other young women inside and these girls were HOT. They looked like grown women. I later learned that they were journalism majors like me and were models for a local radio station. They were all light skinned with perfect hair, halter tops and fitted jeans.

I looked down at my boots and plaid pants and frowned. Damn. I wasn’t dressed right.

When we got to the club I held my breath and walked inside the door. The voice that greeted me made the ground shake. It was Donovan.

He was at the door collecting the money. He reached down to give me a hug and whispered, “Don’t leave without talking to me.”

I almost fainted.

Here we were again. I was now a freshman in college and he was a senior. I was still not hot enough in my eyes to attract his attention. I began to feel bad.

As I walked inside I couldn’t believe it. There was a bar in this club! People were drinking alcohol and mingling.

I backed against a wall to inhale the scene.

One guy at the bar stopped and looked me up and down. I ran to the other side of the room in fear. Why was this grown man looking at me.

I couldn’t shake myself out of my funk and before the tears started to flow I ran into the ladies room and locked myself in a stall. I cried and cried.

I washed my face and hands and left the bathroom. My mind was made up, I was leaving this party.

I went over to the girls I came with and told them that I had to go. I made up an excuse and they watched me walk away as the men fought to regain their attention.

I made a beeline for the door but someone blocked my path. WHen I looked up, it was Donovan.

“Are you okay?” he asked me.

Damn! Not again. I will never get this man to see that I am not a little girl. Fuck!

I cried again in the midst of the party and told him that I didn’t belong there.

“Hold up,” he said and walked over to his frat brothers. “Ya’ll watch the door, I’ll be right back.”

He walked outside with me and guided me to his car. It was much prettier than the one he had in highschool. It was a Camry, my dream car at the time.

He opened my door and I sat inside as got behind the drivers seat and we pulled away.

The words he spoke comforted me. He reminded me that this was an experience that everyone had gone through and that I will be okay.

When we reached my dorm he got out and walked me to my door. He gave me and hug and told me, “If you need anything, make sure to let me know. I will take care of you.”

I floated inside and flopped onto the hard twin bed.

He is so wonderful. He is so perfect. I wish he could see how much I care about him. I wish I could be a real woman right now. I wish he could love me.

I pulled out my journal and began to write; I went to my first college party tonight.

Throughout my freshman year Donovan would check up on me from time to time and I would sigh and assure him that I was okay. He was consistenly playing the big brother role and I hated it because I wanted him to see me as a smart, attractive, desirable woman.

By the time he graduated I had just begin my relationship with my Baby Daddy and we lost track of each other…

Until last week when I received this email: