Love Hiccups In Transition

While I struggled at the newspaper, never quite satisfying my publisher with my work, I would look out over the skyline and stare out at the city of Houston.

I knew that this wouldn’t become my permanent home but I couldn’t live in the hostel forever. So I started looking at places to live but the ones I liked when I called them the people were so RUDE on the phone. I never understood how you can be a leasing department and be RUDE to someone who is trying to give you money.

The people at the hostel were nice to me. They allowed me to stay there long past the standard 10 day rule. It was going on a month and I knew I didn’t want to wear out my welcome. When I received an email from the website I was shocked.

They called me? Huh?

I interviewed over the phone and found that my skills were a perfect match for what they were looking for. I had never been to the city of Dallas before so I asked her, “In relation to Houston, where is Dallas?”

I remember sitting in the hostel bunk bed talking to Ruby on the phone. “Dawg…I think I’m about to leave here. I just have this feeling.”

Ruby was annoyed. “You just got there.”

“I know. I just…have this feeling.”

I never could satisfy the newspaper publisher with my work. I would spend my mornings crying because I felt like I was a failure as a journalist. One of my co workers spoke to me and said, “Just because things don’t work out here doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. You have a gift. You will find the right place.”

That made me feel a little better but my pride was still hurt. I had never been in a job where I didn’t excel. And I received honors in newspaper writing in college. But my publisher didn’t like my work too much which made me feel like I was letting her down and my kids down.

I now realize that I was taking that job way too seriously. If it don’t fit, you must acquit.

Leave.

Once my publisher passed on that bit of advice, I was FREED from that day forward. If you’re miserable at work and what you are giving isn’t good enough then it’s time to find someplace that is a better fit for what you can do.

I desire to be appreciated and respected in my workplace and I have yet to find that balance.

My friends never questioned whether I moved to Dallas because of the Prez because they know me and they know that if that were the reason I was moving, I would openly tell them. I see nothing wrong with moving to another place for the person you love. I think it’s beautiful and romantic and a FAITH MOVE that should be celebrated. If any of them wanted to do something like that I would encourage them.

But at that point, I had not even spoken to the Prez since we had met. In fact, we never spoke again after the day we met. No emails, no nothing. I did email him after my first interview to tell him that I applied to his company and not to be startled if he saw me in his office. I was scared that he would think I was stalking him. Dude never replied. But the point is, if we had not met I would have never had the opportunity to work at the website and realize my true gift.

The 2nd time I saw him or spoke to him, IN LIFE, was the day I started working there and since that day he has been utterly professional in his interaction with me. It was me going all nutty once I realized that I actually found him attractive.

~sigh~ Me and my imagination.

But I guess it’s all over now. I’m trying to move on but…it’s still kinda fun to wallow in the fantasy a little bit. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find my perfect match in a company or in a man.

I just don’t seem to fit no matter where I go or who I decide to love.

It’s a little disheartening but I won’t allow it to get me down too much. The palm reader lady said my soulmate is around me. ~scratches head~

Hmmm…I should have asked her if it was a man or a woman.

Maybe she was talking about one of my friends…