Kim texted me early this morning.
You gotta watch Oprah today.
I shook my head because Oprah is Kim’s idol. Her dream is to go on the Oprah show with me. Yeah, I know. It’s not my dream, it’s hers but I told her that if I ever appear on Oprah I’ll make sure that she is there too.
Why? I texted her back.
Cuz its about the same thing we were talking about last night.
What time and channed? I texted her.
ABC at 4.
So I tried to remember to watch the show. It took a lot since I don’t watch television regularly. I found the right channel at the right time and my eyes grew wide when I saw what the topic was: LOVE STORIES.
How ironic. Angela Bassett was on the show with her husband and they told their love story. I actually came up with the same idea to have Angela and her husband discuss their book as well as a discussion on love in the Black community a few weeks ago. I pitched it to the website along with the idea for my engagement story. They never responded. ~shrugs~ Maybe they didn’t think it was a good idea or maybe I need to leave them alone since I did leave there.
I think I’d make a great producer. I have so many great ideas and no one to give them to. I love to organize features and I’d actually be good at bringing the whole thing together. I began to feel a little sad because I feel like my talent is going to waste. It reminds me of my friend Kenya who is consistently in the same situation that I am in with so much talent and creative ideas and no one to use them or back them.
But when I thought about the interview I did earlier today for my site, I regained my peace. The woman I interviewed is a financial planner, speaker, radio host and author and she loved my website. She shared a few of her principles with me about knowing that God is your source and supply and how important it is to completely trust Him to bring to pass your desired end.
She said that fears come when we depend on ourselves but when we realize that God is working through us, we will have more confidence. She also talked about the flow of God and how He gives us gifts that others will need so there’s an even exchange of gifts for gifts. If we never break the flow by doubting ourselves or stepping out of God’s will, all of our needs will be met.
It reminded me of how I paid my bills for last month. Ross the photographer, needed a writer to tell his love story and I had the gift to do it. It was definitely a divine appointment and I am still grateful for the provision. When I think about that I don’t worry about my rent being due in 2 days and how I have no money for it. God is my supply and He won’t take away the home He gave me. I am through with sleeping in my car. I know that’s for sure.
~sigh~ I told you this journey is breaking me. I’m used to having what I want when I want it and I’m learning patience and focus as I concentrate on giving my gift and allowing God to move on my behalf.
I should definitely look into the producer job though. I wonder who could use me. I wonder if that’s where I’m supposed to go next. I know I’d be excellent at it, I just don’t know if a company could handle me. Damn I work hard when I have a job and no one can deny that. I don’t understand why I get complaints for doing too much, but I guess it’s God’s will for my life.
Mediocrity attacks excellence is the quote Kenya texted me a few days ago. I had to call her to discuss. She said that when people see you doing superior work they try to attack you because they don’t want you to force them to step up their game.
Oh well. What can I do but move forward? I trust that I am right in the palm of His hand and as he changes my heart and leads the way, I’m open to the flow of His divine plan.