My life is a miracle.
Even though today I was crying in the car.
I was crying and crying and crying…
Until I realized the cause of my tears. The radio station was playing those old school Black Christmas Carols like Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas, What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas, Give Love on Christmas Day, Merry Christmas, Baby and This Christmas.
At first I didn’t understand why these songs make me feel so sad until I remembered that every Christmas holiday my Mama played these songs when I was growing up. As soon as Thanksgiving was over, she’s pop in her Christmas tape and…there it was…
Every Christmas the music was the same but every Christmas I noticed that I had changed.
I still feel like that little girl I was way back when I was first exposed to these songs. I still feel like the same ME that looked through those greyish green eyes, except…my body has changed.
I’m still the same person. Isn’t that funny? Over the years we don’t change much. I still feel like I’m 5, 12, 17, 21, 25.
But I’m not.
I’m not a little girl anymore.
I’m a grown-up.
But I’m still looking at the world trying to figure it all out.
I’m still touching the stove to see what will happen.
I’m still evolving.
I’m still laughing, crying and hoping for the best.
And next year… When my Mama pulls out that CD, I’ll be 29 by then.
And I’ll still cry and remember the person I was then and who I am now and know that I will continue to change yet stay the same, every single holiday.