My life is a miracle.
I’m trying to figure out if it’s just the years of conditioning that has made me a homebody because I was raising my sons, or if it’s just that…I prefer to stay at home alone versus club hopping and hanging in the streets.
Maybe I’m getting too old for that stuff.
Tonight I was supposed to meet up with Marsha for dinner but we missed each other and another UF alum and I rode on down to Wet Willies for a drink. After we ended up in Fat Tuesdays but by midnight we were both tired and ready to go. She’s a youngin, used to partying it up but I barely recognize any of the songs that they play so I may not be all that much fun.
All I kept thinking about was how much I miss my boys.
I called over to their Daddy’s house before I left to meet Marsha and my son told me that his Dad was out of town and that his Dad’s girlfriend was keeping them while he was away.
I wish I could keep them. I wish I could have them all the time like the old days. Though we weren’t too comfortable financially, we were always happy together. I know that I left them with their Dad in search of more stable employment but that didn’t turn out well. I found what I was looking for in different cities but in the end, nothing felt right to me.
I don’t regret any of the decisions that I made. I had a helluva lot of wild experiences and learned so much from every single person that I met.
I was telling my fellow alum not to compare her journey to anyone elses. Since her destination is different from others, she shouldn’t expect that her pace and progress should be the same.
While I was telling her this, I was reinforcing the idea to myself.
That’s one of the reasons why I love to encourage others, it helps me to keep focus because I can’t believe the best for others lives if I don’t believe it for myself.
I had such a full day today. I am exhausted from running around. I did make it to Ft. Lauderdale to meet one of my editors and we had lunch together. I asked him to share his journey with me, his professional journey from hopeful journalist to successful editor and he shared the many steps he took. It seems like in order to succeed in this business you have to be willing to uproot yourself many times and seek out opportunities.
I don’t think I want to do that anymore.
I just..want to have a stable career that allows me to take care of my sons and be a part of thier growth process. When I think of stable career, I don’t even know what I mean. If you don’t take risks, you don’t progress and I’d be miserable living in stagnation. Or would I?
No job opportunities have presented themselves to me. Not even McDonald’s or Walgreens have called me back so I’m guessing that this is a time to re evaluate my path and make some new decisions about my career.
I know that being a magazine editor has been a dream of mine, but I can’t just make it happen. All I can do is continue to stay positive and faithful to my pursuit of my goals and hope for the best.
I’m still manifesting on a daily basis and most of my daily intentions have come to pass quickly. Each morning I ask myself, “What do I want to happen today?” and then I reply with simple requests to the Universe and watch as they appear.
Yesterday I asked for a sincere smile and a happy surprise. I got them both.
Today I asked for my finances to be increased and it happened as I expected. I have so many other expectations for my future and I’m praying (focusing) that they will also come to pass.
All I can do is keep trying and learning from my mistakes.
~sigh~