My life is a miracle.
Wow. It’s kind of hot in here, right?
So here’s the final day of my first week’s introduction to grad school. Tonight’s class, Human Sexuality, wasn’t too easy to find in the dark but I found it with 15 minutes to spare before class started.
I chose a seat in the front row and smiled at the middle aged female teacher who grinned back. Once everyone got settled she introduced herself as Dr. “Love” and then smiled at us.
“Pussy, dick, cock, suck, fuck!” she said. “If we are going to become therapists then we have to be comfortable talking about all aspects of a person’s life, even sex.”
I almost choked.
“Before I begin, let’s watch a video. It’s pretty explicit.”
She turns the video on and turns down the lights and we see a couple sitting in a chair. The couple takes turns talking about how their sex life has been pretty boring. Then the scene changes and it shows them in the bed together. he removes her robe and then removes his own. Full frontal nudity ya’ll! I’m sitting there like, OH MY!
He gets on top of her, we can see him put it in and he begins to pump, and pump, for like a minute. Then he ejaculates and rolls over to go to sleep. She’s left feeling frustrated and rejected.
The scene changes to them on the couch again, talking about a course they took that changed their sex life. Once again the camera goes back to them in bed. This time he’s taking the time to fondle her breasts, to suck on each one, to lick her stomache, her thighs, down to her feet, her toes. Then he takes a trip to her vagina and stays there lovingly sucking on her clit for like 2 minutes. NO LIE! I timed it! Two whole minutes we watch him suck her off!
I’m sitting there and my “insides” are churning and I’m like, “Damn, Gotta masterbate…. This is good!”But I’m embarrassed cuz there are 19 other people in the room with me but I’m in conflict because I’m enjoying what I’m watching.
They change positions now. It’s so good! She’s squealing and he’s thrusting and I’m thinking, “Get that pussy…Get that pussy!” OOh!
So my professor turns the video off and asks, “How did watching that video make you feel?”
A couple of hands go up. “Embarrassed,” one classmate says.
“Disgusted,” the girl sitting next to me says.
“Why?” The Professor asks.
“Because I’m a lesbian and that kind of thing disgusts me,” she responds.
I raise my hand.
“How did it make you feel, Tee?”
“Aroused.”
“Did everyone hear what Tee said?” the professor asked the class as they all laughed.
“Yeah, sorta,” someone else agreed with me.
We went on with the introductions to the course and the expectations for our papers (no tests) and group presentations.
Then she hands out a sheet of paper with next week’s assignment on it.
We have to bring in a picture of our family (from our youth) and then be ready to answer the following questions about our family upbringing.
My eyes filled with tears as I read through the questions.
Who in your family taught you about being a woman? How did they teach you?
Did you parents teach you different or similar things about gender roles?
Would your parents agree with your current views on gender roles? About your perception of what they taught you? Who would be more likely to agree?
WHo in your family was most comfortable with touching you? Who was uncomfortable?
What lessons did you learn about your sexuality and your gender roles? Who taught you?
I don’t know why she has to made this shit so damn personal.
I mean…who said I wanted to talk about all that shit anyway?
How does she know anyone taught me anything?
How does she know that anyone said anything to me about my gender role?
What was I told about being a woman? Ahh..That men just want to fuck me and nothing else.
That I was worthless and no one would ever want to be with me.
Am I supposed to say all that in class?
What the fuck?
What am I supposed to do?
This is some bullshit and it makes me uncomfortable…
This is some bullshit man…