Month: November 2010

Ahhh… I miss my friends…

I’ve been adjusting to my new work schedule well. I actually enjoy both jobs so its not that difficult to wake up in the morning to go to work. I just..get a little overwhelmed when I have papers due.

I’m still a bit confused because I have so much going on…

I have to spend time with my sons…
I have to continue to expand my brand by developing new videos, new ebooks, new articles, new techniques to heal in life…
I am working on a documentary about drug relapse…
I have papers to do for school..
I have to find an internship for next semester…
I am applying for this doctoral program…
I have to pay bills…
I want to meet people who intellectually stimulate me…so I decided to start a women’s group…

I have so much going on!

I have a firm grasp of everything right now but I’m nervous it’ll slip away…

Not to mention the fact that I decided NOT to date anyone right now but my physical needs are SCREAMING OUT: I NEED TO FUCK!

I need a hug…
I need someone who is there for ME…
I need physical interactions with people I can trust…

I am still in counseling working on my issues with men…

I am still trying to keep up with the latest in personal development trends…

I am still twirling and evolving and I’m worn out…

But I have to go finish these papers and hopefully go to sleep..

I wish I could manifest a really good friend who gives lots of hugs and support and loves to come take care of me and kiss me and rub on me…

I need some replenishment…

For real.

Ok. Ok. I’m a stereotype dammit.

I mean.. all these years I have been running away from the stereotype that people place on me when they meet me, they think I’m a poet and I’m conscious and I listen to Erykah Badu. Well, they were right about all of that except I don’t listen to Erykah Badu.

I just never took the time although I admired her looks.

Until last night. My counselor suggested I find a song that relaxes me so that I can play it when I’m feeling anxiety and he told me that he plays Time’s A Wastin when he gets stressed out. I decided to download her CD and when I pressed play I ….felt like…. I was lost in time.

My first emotion was bliss…then it changed to…desire…desire to clean up. I looked around my apartment longing for this shit to be cleaned up so i can really relax and enjoy this music. Then I rolled my eyes and got lost in the music again.

My mind whirled and twirled and images of my best me flashed in my mind. I saw myself as I wish I could be…smiling…settled…prosperous…content.

I wanted to be a better woman…

This album, Mama’s Gun, made me wanna live a different, better, new and improved life.

Then my emotions went from hopeful to longing… Bag Lady…

“I betcha love can make it better…”

Damn…

I wish I was an Orange Moon

I’m an artist dammit.. but even I know that these songs were written in the key of life.

A life I’m not too keen on…but I want to be.

I feel open…

And When I heard Time’s a Wastin and around the 3 minute mark I almost lost myself… I wanted to fuck to this song..I wanted to get married to this song…I wanted to be touched to this song…

And when that shit break down around the 3 minute mark… I just wanna scream! Its like the angels were singing to me…

WHY IS THIS MUSIC TOUCHING ME SO MUCH?!! I want some help with this…

I feel like I felt when I heard Lauryn Hill’s voice for the first time… Like I felt when I heard Heard’Em Say by Kanye West.. It dumbfounded me… Ughh….

I’m so hurt and confused by all of this..

What kind of counselor introduces me to this type of music that grabs me by the soul?

I hate him.

I’m feeling so good right now…

I actually accomplished one of my goals this past week. Since last year I had been saying over and over again that I wanted to start doing mini documentaries and i finally did one!

BAD MEDICINE: A Drug Relapse Documentary

I spoke with Mimi the other night.