Month: August 2008

Even though they may not seem to be much, I remember telling myself that if a job hired me, I would take it, any job. And since I’ve been back in Miami I’ve been trying all types of jobs, mostly administrative or creative and none have ever called me back.

Now that these two jobs have said Yes to me, I’m gonna work them like thanking God for provision. Honestly, I’ve learned so much about myself through all of the people I meet and I get to smile and make people feel good all day and all night, that pleases me.

Usually before I go to each job I set a goal for myself. At Denny’s I’ll say “I want to make $100 tonight.” I haven’t done it yet, but it gives me a reason to give extra special service. I’m going for the $10 tip. When I get that, I know I’ve done something right. I’m sure I could make more money at another restaurant and I’ll probably do that later but for now I’ll brush up my skills here. I still have to get better at etiquette. I always forget to bring the food out in stages.
I’ll bring out the soup, salad and the entree all at the same time! LOL! No one complains but as I serve the food I’ll realize how full the table looks. ~smile~

I love making people feel good. I give such excellent service that customers go to my manager and compliment me. They tell me I need to be working at a better restaurant. That makes me laugh. The crazy part is working overnight and serving all the drunk people and the people that just came from the club. The couples are all over each other kissing and rubbing. The drunk girls all tell you how much they love you and will love you even more if you can make their food come faster.

I even had a table full of teenagers to come in, order a bunch of food and then run out of the restaurant. It scared me at first, my heart was beating fast. But honestly as soon as they sat down I could sense that they were going to do that. I went and told my manager that I suspected it, but as soon as he turned his back, and I went to check on some other food, they ran out of there like lightening!

That’s crazy!

And at my other job, I get to learn so much. It’s a stand on your feet type of job and no one is standing over your shoulder telling you what to do. I have made so many mistakes but I still get congralulated because I’m trying. I am doing well actually- A lot better than most new people. I’ve already gotten 4 families to agree to listen and usually I hear it takes more than a month before a new person gets a family to say yes.

There are 2 top Black marketers who are well known for getting multiple families a day. WHile I’m out there and I’m talking to people I’ll see them walk by with a family and then a short time later, another family and then another. They are so good at it that they make so much money for 6 hours of work per day.

They will come up to me and just give me a random tip. “Lose the notebook, you look like you’re trying to sell something.” or “Don’t ask a question like, ‘Have you heard about our promotion?’ Ofcourse they’re gonna say No and they won’t want to stop. Ask a question like, ‘You and your family want to ride the boat for free? I have free tickets!”

I tried it and it does work better.

All day long I’m walking up to strangers and engaging them in conversation. At first I was nervous because I don’t like to question people because I believe that their business is their business and I really have no concern about how others live their lives, but I’ve gotten better at keeping a conversation going and getting them to bond with me.

First you ask them where they are from and when they tell you, you can try to remember something you know about that place and ask a question about that. Or you find out what they are interested in by listening to the way they speak about things and you can form a question from that and then…just listen. People love to talk. The people who are the best conversationalists listen more than they speak. People don’t realize that but I did when someone complimented me on my conversation skills. I was like, “But I didn’t say anything I just asked the right questions.”

When I meet people from Turks & Caicos I always ask them what they think about the Lisa Raye situation. One man told me that on the Island the rumors are that she beats him up but on the American news they are reporting the opposite. They think she is setting him up.

When I met one family of women I didn’t know what to ask them to keep them talking to me so I asked them about keeping a close bond in your family. “How do you have such a good relationship with your daughter?” I asked.

“Well, most of the time when there’s a problem between a mother and daughter it’s the mother’s fault. She leads the relationship. Some mothers don’t want to recognize that their daughter is a seperate person from them and they can’t control her life. I let my daughter be herself and I respect her.”

It’s a mall atmosphere so sometimes when it’s raining no one is there and all of the people who work at the different booths all mingle and shoot the breeze. Sometimes we’ll advertise for each other. Like, If I’m talking to a family I’ll tell the kids to go look at the live alligators, which helps the alligator people because they can try to sell the family a picture.

We all sell the same things everyday and sometimes when its slow it feels like we are competing for customers but we still try to make the experience exciting because each tourist is experiencing it for the first time. There’s a girl who braids hair and each time she has a customer I’ll go over to them and tell the girl how pretty her hair is and how I’ve never seen the hair braider do a better job.

And the cool thing is– my Spanish is improving so much. I can have a whole conversation in Spanish because more than half of my co workers do not speak English.

I have a speech I give to get people listening to me and I’ve learned how to say it in Spanish too.
“Hola Famila! Que bonita la familia. Vacaciones gratis para tus familia! El boate gratis para todos! Las casas de los millionaires! Shaquille O’Neal! Puff Daddy! Gloria Estefan! Muchos buenas casas!”

They just laugh at me usually and said, “No thanks.”

Then I’ll say, “Oh you speak English. How did you like my Spanish?”

“You’re good. Keep practicing!”

Yeah, even if the family doesn’t want to listen to me I still compliment them or tell them to have a great vacation. I’ll say, “Enjoy Miami!” They walk away smiling and laughing.
I like leaving people feeling good about themselves.

In everything that I do, well, most of the time I try to follow that rule- Leave people feeling better than they did before they met up with you.

Well, I’m trying. ~smirk~

Have I mentioned the concept of non resistence before?

It’s an amazing concept that really brought me to tears the first time I heard it.

Basically, it suggests that whatever is happening in your life, if you truly want it to change you have to let go of the feeling that you NEED it to change. Sounds crazy huh? But I get it, when you want something to happen so desperately you are limiting yourself and worrying which never produces good results.

Go ahead and read this article written by Jeanette Maw, it does a pretty good job of explaining.

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A client tells me he needs his sister to get on board with nursing care for their aging mother.

Another client needs to sell her house – pronto!

Just last week, I needed my missing cat to come back home.

It seems our need for change is nonstop, and yet when we need something to change we actually empower the very condition we don’t want.

That’s because the energy of “need” – the insistence on change – actually engages more of the opposing condition. You know, “what we resist, persists.”

Lao Tzu said it in the Tao Te Ching like this:
“Simply notice the natural order of things. Work with it rather than against it. For to try to change what is only sets up resistance.”

Sound familiar? Abraham readers hear this as “making peace with what is” in order to allow the shift. We’ve got to release resistance in order to get what we want, and that includes releasing the need for things to be different than they are.

It doesn’t make much sense on the face of it, does it? We accept things as they are now, and that’s what allows change?

Yep.

Who saw U.S. gymnast Raj Bhavsar’s vision board in his Olympic coverage interview? He talks about how he had to release his need and make peace with what he didn’t want back in 2004. And guess who ended up replacing Paul Hamm on the team this year?

Raj makes it look easy, but I know it isn’t always so. For some reason, we’ve been conditioned to believe that pushing against something is the most effective way to change it.

But that’s not how it best works.

Needing something to change, in order to feel better or gain peace of mind or happiness, doesn’t work.

We’ve seen this in action many times, right? Like the couple who struggles to get pregnant finally gives up (either by adopting or changing their minds) and next thing you know she’s knocked up?

Or when we need a new job there aren’t any to be had, but when we’re happy as a lark we see employment opportunities left and right?

Or how the light always turns red when we most need to get through it?

Needing something to be different than it is is to be in resistance. And resistance is a surefire stopper to your manifesting success.

My suggestion is to recognize where you’re needing something to change, and start making peace with it. That doesn’t mean giving up your desire, or thinking you can’t have it – it just means marrying up acceptance of what is with a light, pleasant, positive expectation of your desire. Raj is a good example of that.

My client practiced no longer “needing” his sister to agree with him on what’s best for mom. He made peace with the fact that they didn’t see eye to eye, and took steps that felt good to him under current circumstances. With the release of that tension, he’s actually paved the way for mutual understanding and common ground.

Releasing your need for things to be different than they are takes the charge off, the manifesting brakes off, and allows you to get what you want. But don’t take my word for it – try it yourself!

Today is the day I start my classes again. I look forward to another great semester and I look forward to beginning my marketing plan, which can’t begin until I decide exactly how I’m gonna publish my book.

Honestly, I’ve gotten mixed reviews about my book. It’s kind of controversial with the ideas that I present and ofcourse my spiritual beliefs- which aren’t taught in the book, but are mentioned-will cause some criticism because people like to criticize things they don’t understand, don’t agree with or can’t imagine for their lives.

Instead of having an open mind, they’ll just bash it in order to somehow validate their own beliefs as if acknowledging other beliefs or life paths will detract from the validity of their own life path. There are multiple ways to get it right, you don’t have to follow the prescribed path.

Whether you do or you don’t you’re gonna attract people who want to tell you how to live your life, but be strong enough to be true to what you believe because you can’t be swayed by different opinions which will change over time. Today someone will say, “Oh you’re stupid for buying a house, mortgages are traps.” And then two years from now they’ll be closing on their home and you’ll remind them of what they said and they will shrug and say, “I changed my mind.”

Do you. Make your own decisions. Trust yourself and let no one pull you away from what you believe is right especially if their life doesn’t reflect where you are trying to be. That’s just silly to me. I mean, I listen to critics but then I say, “Do I really want to be sitting on the internet all day bored at work and making rude anonymous comments to people?” What do I gain from that?

To be honest, since this whole motel thing came about and I haven’t had access to the net, I’ve realized that it isn’t that important after all. The internet used to be my whole life but now it’s just a small part of my life. I log on, do my thing and then close my laptop. Without the hours of random IM conversations, perusing blogs that do not help me get toward my goals or reading the gossip sites I have much more time to work on myself mentally and physically.

I don’t know, I’m not really into other people’s lives so much…I’d rather be working on something that will help me to be better, like making the outline for my 2nd book. I’ve already started organizing it. It’s a lot easier this time because I have a method established.

My friends won’t even read my book. That makes me laugh. They can’t read it because it’s self help and most of them aren’t into self help and personal development. LOL!

Crazy…

Regardless, I am so grateful for them. Everytime I hear a woman say, “I don’t have any female friends,” I feel sad for them. I don’t know what I would do without mine.

See, it’s different here on this blog, I share the interesting parts of my life, good or bad, happy or sad. But with my friends I can share it all, even the mundane stuff or the scary stuff and they don’t judge me or freak me out about any of it.

Can you imagine that?

Living a lifestyle and making choices that most people would call you crazy for and believing in the choices you’ve made- and then having friends who beat you up about them instead of supporting you. My friends aren’t like that.

It took a while for them to get there though but as Tamara said, “I just had to realize that you are different from me and you can make the best decisions for your life,” she told me one day after I admitted that for a while there I hid things from her and didn’t share my true heart because I knew she would judge.

The one thing I am known for is being non judgemental. I mean, if you’re on crack or something then we probably wouldn’t be friends but besides lieing, stealing, selling drugs or intentionally trying to hurt someone you can live the life you want to live and I’ll celebrate with you.

That is so important to me. It boggles me how people can get so emotionally caught up in someone else’s life. Like, really, if I shut down my blog and dissappeared how would that affect your ability to pay your bills or take deep breaths. It won’t.

Why get emotional over someone else’s life? To me that means you have too much time on your hands– or maybe it means that what is happening in my life hits a sore spot because it reminds you of something you are lacking in yours. I don’t know, those are just my opinions.

All I do know is, I’m becoming a different person and I see it everyday. I’m not really that interested in the intimate details of other people’s lives and the comments don’t phase me as much as they used to. I mean, if I don’t know you for real, I have no opinion about what you’re doing. How could I?

Opinions don’t phase me as much as they used to and I’m standing up for myself more. I have to look past the words and look at where and who they are coming from. When I do this I realize that the people who try to give me advice or criticize me do not live the lifestyle that I want to live and they never will. I can’t take advice from people like that. I just can’t. How can you teach me how to be like you when I have no desire to be like you? I don’t define my success or happiness in the way that you do. Sorry.

So when I go to my friends and I am in a precarious situation ~sigh~ Thank God they don’t trip. They just listen, rationalize and we go from there. It helps me so much because I’m not emotional when it comes to lack of finances or resources, that doesn’t make me upset, and when I talk to them they aren’t emotional either which helps me to remain calm and faithful.

This isn’t coming out right. For the past few days I have really wanted to thank my friends for just…being supportive and continuing to encourage me even though none of them would EVA make the decisions that I make.

I am so blessed to have them. I really am.

Like Ryan says, “95% of the world makes decisions in the same way, out of fear. They do everything the safe way. You are different, that’s why your life will be different. You’re a 5 percenter. Don’t be like the rest of them, ignore them. You’re going to get where you’re going.”

I believe that, although on the real I have no idea where the fuck I’m headed anymore. I’m just trying to survive.

But honestly, no matter what anyone says, I am still not afraid.

This weekend is an anniversary for me and my college friend Sylvia.

This coming weekend is the 11th anniversary of the day we started undergrad, it’s also 11 years to the day that Princess Dianna died. It’s also Sylvia’s 29th birthday weekend and It’s also 11 years since Sylvia’s ex boyfriend shot himself.

Sylvia sent me an email reminding me about the anniversaries and as I read I was whisked away 11 years back when I was just 18 and a freshman in college. I met Sylvia around the 2nd week of school and she was going through a lot of changes, most notably, she was in a new city with no friends, but then, her boyfriend shot himself and died so she was dealing with that.

I remember being with her, sitting outside of Trusler Hall on the steps and listening to her cry. I cried too. I didn’t know him or her but I felt like damn, we’re trying to make this a better life for ourselves and we’re so young and look at what we are going through. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to comfort her as she dealt with that, cuz man, I was fresh out of highschool and I was so young and I had never dealt with a close death.

Honestly, to be so young, Sylvia and I went through a lot together.

You haven’t heard me mention her name in a couple of years because we stopped speaking. It happened just as I was about to move to Atlanta. It was God’s plan because Sylvia would have NEVER been able to be my friend throughout all that I went through during that year I was away. In fact, her disgust with the choices I was making for my life is what caused us to stop speaking.

But I contacted her to check on her after all this time and she apologized and told me how much my friendship meant to her. I felt the same way because even though she is a little nutty, that’s what I love most about her. I’m nutty too so we vibe well.

Now she says her mindset has changed about the choices I make for my life and she appreciates the type of friend I have been to her and she doesn’t want to lose me forever. I agree.

I know it’s disconcerting when you see your friend going through a rough time. You get emotional and you just want to rush and save them but being a true friend doesn’t mean saving them or even trying to criticize someone into seeing things your way. Being a friend means being right there with them through all of their life lessons, allowing them to learn on their own time and offering help if you can.

When Sylvia’s boyfriend died, I couldn’t rush the healing process, I just sat there with her and listened. When Sylvia wanted to do Kappa Sweetheart, I didn’t want to do it but I went with her to the interest meeting anyway.

It’s about supporting your friend.

And when your friend says she has a dream that one day she will inspire the masses to live a radically different lifestyle, even if you think she’s crazy and should just get a desk job like everyone else and live…don’t say that. Tell her that she can do it and offer an encouraging word every chance you get.

I promise you, simple words like, “I believe in you,” man, they are like Spinach to Popeye.

And my friends have been my spinach all along.

As long as I’m breathing I’m working hard to pay them back for loving me in the way that they do, even though sometimes we have to take a break to grow.

I hope Sylvia gets through this weekend cheerfully.

I’m so glad to have my friend back.

Whew!

Another crazy day is almost over.

I moved into my new place last night. I have 3 roommates now, 2 chicks and one guy. I have my own room and bathroom and the price is just right. Now let’s see how long I can swing this along with my child support and car note and incidentals. I think I have to find another job, the 2 I have aren’t bringing in enough yet. Damn…

Class started last night and all I have to say is– Ahhhhhhhh!

It felt so good to be back in school again. My professor seems a little..uh…weird but I think taking Personality Theories is going to be a most interesting experience as we study the great pyschologists throughout history and how they classified people and their personalities and the evolution of psychology in that area.

I also had my Social & Cultural Issues Class and our first assignment was to write about 3 people that have impacted my life and why. That was a cool assignment.

Being back in school reminds me of my future. It reminds me that I’m a grad student with big plans and I’m getting the knowledge I need to accomplish those plans. Fuck what this looks like- I’m preparing for my greatest future.

It’s funny that before I went to my 2nd class I stopped by the counseling department to see if I could speak with an advisor. There was one professor free so she invited me into her office.

“Hi, I’m Ms. Tee,” I introduced myself. “I have several projects going on and I’d like to talk about my goals for the time I’m here. I finished my first book and I’m trying to get it published. Once it’s published I’d like to set up a workshop based on my book topic here at this university so that I can teach some of the things I’ve written about and expose the students to my book.”

“Sounds good,” The professor said.

“Now…I have other goals. I want to complete one book for each year I’m here. That’s 3 in total by the time I graduate and I also want to publish a research article in a psychology journal. Right now I have no idea how to do that, so that’s why I came in, to discuss my goals and see if anyone could help me.”

The Professor assured me that they would help and asked me to send a brief abstract for my book and she’d meet with the department head to see who to ask to mentor me. I hope this works out well. I’m actually nervous because when people see you dreaming BIG they sometimes don’t want to help unless it benefits them. I hate that.

WHen I walked down to my class and sat down, guess who walked int he door? You got it! The professor I had just been speaking with. That was funny….

Anyway, I’d love to write more but I’m so tired. I may not be able to write this weekend because I’m doing double shifts again.

I’m proud of myself and so are my friends. I am so blessed to know them and to have them in my corner.

~sigh~

I’m tired man.

I know I’m so late but I JUST saw this movie called Top Shottas for the first time and I’m HOOKED!Someone called it the Jamaican version of Belly but this movie is WAYYYYY better than Belly. Check the sex scene in this clip – GOOD LORD!- That dude Spragga Benz! ~sigh~ The one with the braids….Dear Lord, give me one like him puhlease! His swagger is off the chain! Dude just…he just did it for me.I like that.