Month: February 2007

Lazy Ankles

~Nestling comfortably into the plush sofa with my laptop after sipping a cold beer with my girl Kia in front of a crackling fireplace~

I feel better now.

I took a nice nap after work but my ankles are still throbbing. I love this job. I love this experience. I know I’m working for minimum wage (I honestly don’t even know how much that is) but I feel like a million dollars everyday. All day long I smile and laugh and make people feel as loved and appreciated as I can. That’s my job. This restaurant is great with customer service. They have a high standard and I enjoy their foundation and taking it to the next level. How about when you walk into our restaurant, I treat you like you are a star. We all do. Bright, shiny smiles and genuine kindness is all I see so far.

Even the guys in the kitchen..Man…I never saw such a fun loving group. Those dudes STAY clowning in Spanish and they are always bothering us. Sometimes we can’t even get away from them, one after the other, just JOKES. But we’re all working toward the same goal. That’s cool. I really like being a part of a team like this.

It’s weird because I’m not sure if my poor body can take it. I’m ALWAYS hurting. My thighs, my legs, my shoulders and especially my ankles. I guess I’m out of shape. I want to do something about it.

I watched the Grammy’s the other night. I’m usually so self absorbed that I don’t know what’s going on in the outside world. That’s not a great trait. How can you grow if your ideals and goals are not challenged? But Kia is great! She loves to read and reads all day. She has a list of websites she hits up and she subscribes to every magazine. This chick is full of knowledge. She went to her bookshelf and handed me a book called BLACK BEAUTY that catalogued African American beauty over the years.

I’d never even heard of it. I felt so dumb. I’ve been saying this for a long time but I really need to be more well versed on the issues that confront me as a woman, as a mother and as a creative mind. What are the other creative minds doing? What collective goal do we seem to be working toward? What are the issues on the tips of our tongues? What is causing us to cringe or even smile? I need to know the answers. I need to raise some questions. And achieving a habit of social conciousness is going to be a big task.

What websites do you visit so that you will stay in the know? Are the majority of the websites you read, news related or social?

I’m still working on my first feature stories. I’ve finally secured interviews and I’m preparing by doing research and actually thinking of questions beforehand. I guess I feel like I’m rusty. But I know once I get started writing it will be smooth like caramel. I love writing. But I can’t just entertain and inspire. I have to learn to use my gift to inform and empower. I can’t WAIT to see my name in print for the first time in Houston! Once I see my byline, I will KNOW that I can go anywhere and get published!

I’m ready!

Valentines Day is tomorrow. I am actually excited. Well, I usually am. The romantic in me won’t allow the holiday to go by without celebrating it in some way even though I’ve never had a real Valentine.

But you know I have to work tomorrow and at least I can look forward to going in there and having fun by making everyone I meet feel great. Even though …I wasn’t feeling so great today. I need to go to the doctor.

But otherwise my boys are great. These days when I call they are sometimes too busy to talk to me. I can understand. They’re into their video games and computer so I don’t stress them. I just give him my love and tell him I’ll always be here when he has more time. My boys are so handsome!

They are little charmers too. They get THAT from their Daddy. He had that game on lock. I’m sure he’s passing it on to them. I hope they pick up a few cool qualities from me too.

Let me go and relax my ankles and nerves in anticipation of a wonderful Valentines Day.

Kanye, Will You Be My Valentine?

~Looking around~

I had a good day. I simply love working there. I get to have a great time being nice to people AND I get to look at fine ass Black men all day! MMmmmm! It’s like a super buffet. Tall ones, short ones, round ones, cool ones. All shapes and flavors. Mmmm…. Suits and shit. Beautiful Black men. Ahhh… You don’t feel me… FINE ASS, multitudes of fine ass, Heterosexual (looking) ass Black men! Ahh… Oooh… They look almost as appetizing as the food, but it’s hands off for now.

JB gets on my nerves so much that I don’t have the energy to even THINK about entertaining another man. I know, right? It’s crazy. I’m brand new to Houston and I have access to so many fine ass, grown ass men, but I have no desire. ~sigh~

I’m getting old.

Or wise.

Hopefully the latter.

Anyway, after work I tried to work on my stories but no luck with contacting sources. It’s like I get home and my legs are so sore, but I pull myself onto my bed and start reading or making phone calls to get some quotes.

Blah- After work I went to sleep upset because JB gets on my nerves! I don’t know what to do with him. He drives me crazy. What kind of “friends” go through what we go through, I don’t know. Ok, actually I’m driving him crazy. ~whining~ He won’t do what I say.

Man…Then I come downstairs after taking a two hour nap and Kia is up, cleaning. We go to the store and buy a bottle of wine and I enjoy a couple of glasses while watching Kia’s Tivo’d Legends Ball episode. Ahh.. Inspiring…

I just wanna give my gift away. Man. I just wanna scream: LET ME TELL YOUR STORY!

I wanna write. I wanna speak. I wanna host. I wanna educate. I wanna inspire. I wanna entertain too. I wanna uplift and shit. Man… this is crazy.

Every day I pray, “Ok God. I’m here. Everything is going well so far but…I really need you to tell me what to do next. I’ve been getting job offers but I don’t have peace about any of them. I’m too afraid to even see what a minimum wage paycheck would look like but I guess if it’s enough to cover my car note I’ll be okay. PLEASE speak to me. If you speak, I PROMISE I will listen and do what you say. I just don’t want to be doing the wrong thing. Please speak to me.”

Speaking of God. I must repent:
I’m starting to feel that itch. The “I’ve been here for a little too long without affection” kinda itch. I know it’s not time to even think about that but my aching body is saying, ‘hey…we need some big black fingers grasping at our flesh, miss.’

I know. I know.

I’m going to bed now. I hope you all had a good Valentines Day.

A Treat for Ms. Tee

Today began with a WOW when I got to work and my co worker walked up to me and asked, “Do you know somebody named Michael?”

“Yes,” I said slowly thinking of my guyfriend.

“Does he like you?”

Huh. “Um..I don’t know…Why?” What is she getting at?

“Are you Ms. Tee?” Oh shit…How did they know about my blog?

“Yeah. That’s one of my nicknames,” I reply cautiously, taking a step back.

“Girl! A package came for you yesterday! We asked all around the place and no one knew who Ms. Tee was!”

Oh shit. I DID hear them yesterday. One of my co workers came by shaking her head and I heard her say, “Who is Ms. Tee?” But I was so shocked to hear that name in my workplace that I just walked away, because I didn’t even want to imagine that they were talking about my blog because I have only told ONE person about my blog and I haven’t even given her the address. I don’t really want them to know that I am writing about them.

I walked over to the administrative office and on the desk sat three wine colored, beautiful heart shaped, wicker baskets, sitting on top of each other and tied with a ribbon and filled with gourmet candy. I was kinda surprised but not really because Michael is so sweet and he is known to do things like this.

The tag read: Ms. Tee, You are loved. Michael

I laughed as everyone began to question me. Who’s Michael? Did you meet him in here? Tell us about him?

I was so..just…blowed by the whole thing that I stood there with a dumb look. “He’s just a friend. Random fan. Stalker. Old friend. Homeboy. Relative.”

But….

Really….

It’s not that deep.

What a random act of kindness that totally made my day!

Just What I Needed

I didn’t go to work on Friday. But even though I had the day off I had to be out of the house by 7am to go see a Dance troupe perform and write about it. It was a cool experience because I visitied one of their shows in the local elementary schools so it was wild to see Black kids mixed in with Mexican kids.

Ya’ll wanna know something about Houston? This city is almost half Mexican people. I mean..it has to be. Everything is in English and Spanish, just like in Miami. Actually, I think it’s worse here. The thing that blows me is the fact that they are all from ONE country. I’m used to seeing such diversity because of all the different carribean islands so close to Miami’s shores but most all of the Hispanic (?) people here are Mexican. I have to go see what Mexico looks like!

I ran a million errands and got lost a million times and was pissed off and frustrated but I managed to make it back to Kia’s house before dark. The door bell rang.

We both paused and looked at each other from our cozy spots on the couch where we were watching TV.

I rolled my eyes and got up. I went to the door and the UPS truck was outside. I opened the door and saw that they had left a package on the porch with my name on it.

I smiled thinking it’s my business cards. I hopped in the house and sat next to Kia telling her I was excited because my business cards were here. She was a little curious to see them I guess. But when I opened the box, it was filled with those paper, styrofoamy things that people use to pack stuff in. So I just laughed and dug my hand around in the box and my eyes grew wide as I pulled up a ……

Kia screamed as I showed it to her! She fell out laughing.

We searched the box for a clue who sent it but there was none.

Only a handfull of people know my current address so I went through my phone calling them.

“Mama? Did you send me something for Valentines Day?”

“Hell naw, Did you send ME something?”

“Guess what I got in the mail and I don’t know who sent it?”

“What?”

“A chocolate…penis.”

“A what? Girl.. It’s hard?”

“Yeah. It’s solid Mama.”

“You need to send that over here!”

Suspect 2:Ruby

“No girl….I did NOT send that to you… but you might need to send that on over to Louisiana.”

Suspect 3: Tamara

“I wish I could have have sent you a gift Tee, but I didn’t. What was it?” she asked and burst into laughter when I told her what I got. “You may need to send that on to Atlanta!”

Well that only leaves Kim. Kim wouldn’t send a gift like that she is too siddity.

I laugh and open up my sidekick to the text message screen.

“Did you send me a Valentines Day gift?” I type.

“Yeah. Did you get it? How does it taste?”

I shake my head and laugh.

JB is so stupid!

Streaming Thoughts

When I think about it I can see how they are right. Right in the fact that I look kinda crazy being out here like this for no particular reason. I don’t know. I just want to be…perfect.

Yeah. I said it. I have to admit it, in my mind I want to exceed any of my OWN expectations in the areas of child rearing, my career, my looks, my knowledge base, my giving heart and genuine ability to be totally transparent. Sometimes I feel like a machine trying to grind out what is good and right all the time.

But sometimes Im a spoiled brat too. I want things MY WAY and if I don’t get it, well, that rarely happens because I don’t have that happen. I don’t know how it got like that, but on the real, the secret is, the more you honor your friends, the more they honor you.

You trust me. I trust you.
You speak well of me. I speak well of you.
You share your wisdom with me. I share my wisdom with you.
It goes deeper until you are merely whispering tunes into the air and and communicating through the scent of the vibe.

I wish that people would stop putting up such a pretense. I went out last night. I went to this Bar called Identity.

It was sooo coold out there! But it was a nice spot. I was feeling the live band, there was a comfortable crowd— all grown people. I FEEL like a grown up now. I really wanted to meet women because I don’t like to be the chick in the lounge alone because that invites all kind of Dumbo’s to come over and talk.

I ask Kia. She says, “I don’t go out.” I knew not to push the issue.

So I figure I’ll just fall through alone and I did and ofcourse I meet men but there were these two girls who came over and I was like, “Aww they look like nice women.” But I had no clue how to strike up a conversation with them. How do you make friends?

We just smiled at each other a few times and that was that.

Ughh…I don’t want to meet ANOTHER man! I’m tired. Today, I was at work and I walked over to this man and said, “Is there anything I can do for you?” because he was looking right at me. How about- Dude says, “Yes, you can come sit in my lap.”

“What?” I stopped and looked at him.

“You can come sit in my lap.”

My mouth dropped. “You are so disrespectful. That was so disrespectful.”

See what I mean? I need a hug so badly. I think I may melt.

Oh my gosh! You won’t believe what happened at the Restaurant the other day. In walks this woman I knew when I lived back in Gainesville in college. This chick was a leasing agent in the first apartment I had by myself just before I gave birth to my first son. She had a daughter too. So we would kick it and talk about our babies and our baby daddies and it was on some real cool shit.

Like, we were always really encouraging toward each other. We would always pray for each other and remind each other that we are worth more than diamonds. It was a quick but positive relationship. We email every blue BLUE moon but I always thought of her and wondered what’s up.

Well, she moved to Houston 3 weeks ago to manage a group of real estate properties. When I first saw her I fel to so happy. Happy to see her, but more happy to see a familiar face.

Do you know what it’s like to be in a place where everyday, all day, EVERY PERSON you see is a brand new person in your life. You’re trying to rack up some regulars but you don’t know who to trust.

That’s why I miss Tamara. No matter who or what, I could always talk to her about anything. And she’s so smart. She always comes from a totally different perspective than I have and usually her perspective is less emotional. I could say anything to her. It’s so comforting to know that no matter how I feel or what I do, she won’t turn her back on me or turn her nose up at me. She’s not like that.

I have so many great and wonderful friends. Each with unique qualities that make them shine so bright! I guess I hang around them because I want some of that light to get on me.

I messed up a few times at work today. I hate that. I know I’m learning but I keep forgetting the numbers and I drop stuff sometimes and it’s annoying because I figure I can at least get THIS right but it’s a challenge for me physically and emotionally because I have to pace myself with learning and I want to do so much RIGHT NOW. Because I want to contribute. I want the place to be more whatever because I was a part of the team.

I know I be thinking deep. My mind is always going like that. I wonder if that’s how Kanye’s mind thinks.

You know what? I think I’m really starting to like JB.

In My Own Mind

Man… I feel like I’m becoming finer. How could I not with all of this leg work I am doing? I’m trying to stay up but after four or five hours of walking around and around in high speeds, man…my legs get tired.

And imagine on a day like today where people were lined up outside BEFORE we even opened. Once the line poured into the double doors, IT DID NOT END until fiften minutes after closing time. The line spilled outside onto the front entranceway, down the side, around the corner and all the way down to the end of the building.

We have to turn people away at the end of the day. And plenty of times we just sit and wait for people to leave because it’s such a comfortable place to be that you want to stay and hang around. I imagine that most of these people know each other and that would make it even warmer.

It’s a cool little Black owned spot. But it’s wild how Blacks are not the majority of customers I can say. I really believe it’s evenly mixed. Blacks, whites, asians. The one common theme I see in each customer is: THEY BE HUNGRY!

The food is ridiculous! When I bring plates to tables, it’s not unheard of to hear a gasp of surprise and see them bite their lips in anticipation. That food is GREAT! Everything I’ve had so far was good, well almost. But I’m still eager to try everything. Mmmm…It’s like heaven over there with all of that good food. Eat it up at job. Work it off at the job.

I love presenting superior customer service. I just like to serve people period. I’m going to be the best damn food runner ~cough~ bathroom cleaner ~ they ever saw!

How can I help? A curtsy doesn’t hurt. Sometimes I feel like the restaurant is my stage. And I make sure that I shine with every step I take. And I give a great performance (in my own mind)

(in my own mind)

I’m THE SHIT in my own mind
I’m THE BOMB in my own mind
I got BREAD in my own mind
I got STYLE in my own mind
I gotta NICE ASS in my own mind
I’m gonna go FAR in my own mind
I’m a SUPERSTAR in my own mind
I am going to do and be everything I ever imagined that I would experience in life. I will be healthy, happy and my sons will grow up to be honorable men. My dream is not a dream, it is unrealized reality. I have to position myself to walk into that reality. I will practice everyday. I will act as though I am one smile away, one word away, one article away, one handshake away.

I’m almost there.

I ain’t scared.

Well..not much.

Right.

Right.

Right.

You don’t ever feel like you want to just…do the right thing and be righteous?

Whatever that means…

I mean…I’m a seeker of peace.

For real. I find myself wanting to have complete peace about any situation I am in. It’s weird but I feel like my body may be talking to me. Think about it, when I am stressed, my period is irregular. I kept getting “the flu” last year and it was really my body telling me I had a damn kidney infection. I just wouldn’t listen.

I’m thinking about how my body looks and whether or not I want to improve that. I’m really accepting of my body and all the jiggles and squiggles but it won’t hurt to improve my conciousness of how food affects my ability to have the energy I need to rest well so I can work hard.

Anyway…I’m starting to feel like an old lady. I’m so tired all the time. I sit up here with GrandMama Kia and obsess over the story I wrote and the first column I submitted to the newspaper here. I think I did a good job with both stories and JB asked me to read the feature story to him over the phone while he was on his way to a show. He didn’t really have any comments. He just said it was good. Since he’s an editor I respect his opinion, I’m still eager to read some of his work though. I don’t think what he did at the magazine was indicative of what he can really do and I’m eager to see if I’m right. But he kinda grilled me on the focus of my column. I had so much more to think about before I wrote my introduction.

Man…tonight I was hanging with Kia and I was telling her all about my future life. She was laughing! It’s even more funny because ever since I’ve been in Houston, I’ve been meeting people who are just like me. Weirdos.

Yeah I said it. I kinda knew I was weird before but seeing my drive and ambition and tunnel vision and quirkiness in others makes me want to throw up.

I don’t know how to take all of this. There are other people just as weird as me out there? I am really meeting them and I am really seeing myself for the first time.

I’m blowed.

I am a weirdo. Scary?

Man…I’m still praying and going for mine. I’m still asking God to open one of the doors I’m trying to get into. I keep trying. I keep trying.

That’s alright though.

I’ll get through.

Work Away

I really don’t know what the hell the owners of the Restaurant are doing to us but this physical labor shit is for the birds! My ankles are swollen by the end of the day. When I first started there, two other women started too. So we are all in it fumbling around together. We’re all around the same age, college educated and they are both in grad school. I’m just in the grad school of LIFE!

So these two chicks are CHARACTERS. One I met immediately on my first day. She was training with me. Our Manager told me, “You’ll be training with Girl7.” Girl7? I smiled. Must be an artsy chick.

When Girl7 came in I stood up and shook her hand. She sat down next to me and IMMEDIATELY we both began spilling our guts and learning that we are the exact same kind of person on the same leg of our journey to our destiny. She just moved to Houston to get her hustle on and is living with a friend until she could get on her feet. She believes she is a superstar and that everyone should recognize that. You know I feel the same way too!

One day after work, me and this chick went to a park with a blanket and some wine and snacks and we just…vibed. Like..who are you? What are you about? It was almost scary to meet someone who is so quirky in the same way that I am. Sometimes I think I may shy away from hanging out with her because I don’t feel like dealing with myself. You feel me? Damn, I’m a handful. I act like the world revolves around me!

LOL!

This other chick, Tabitha, well…she seemed so Straight N Narrow when I first met her and she batted her little eyes and flashed those chipmunk cheeks. She wears a ponytail which is interesting because I never really see Black women my age wear a ponytail. It amazes me sometimes. Man…I wish I had hair…

That’s why she still looks like a college student. The wild part about this chick is the fact that she can pull’em. I’m talking about guys. All day long I hear them come at her. But most of them be ugllee! I just laught at her… Men are funny…

But yeah so you won’t BELIEVE what the owners had us doing today…. They gonna tell us that the afternoon cleaning guy wasn;t there and we had to clean the entire front of the restaurant by ourselves. Just us three. In addition to the regular stuff we usually do everyday, we had to sweep the floor, beat the rugs, move the tables, mop the floors, replace the tables. I had to calm Girl7 and Tabitha down, they were so pissed!

When we’re out there running food and walking the floor one of the owners will ALWAYS come up to us with some mess. I’m flying through the tables on my way to pick up some food and Mr. Manager will stop me and say, “I know on the chart in the bathroom, it says to check the bathroom every hour. Well…today, I want you to check every 15 minutes. Is that okay?”

I pause. “Ok. No problem”

LOL! What’s wrong with them? You can’t stand still for two seconds without a voice in your ear reminding you to do something else. Oh my gosh, we trip out all day over that. But man…it’s a comical place to work because some dramatic person is always walking through the door. Today my legs about broke on me. I’m hobbling around with a limp. The Management was so nice about it. They just let me do coffees and stock the condiment counter and I cut lemons. I tried to continue running food but my ankles really, really hurt.

That’s about it… Oh yeah…

I got my heart broken today.

But again, I will survive.

Keeping Promises

I just got off the phone with my boys.

I got home and rested my feet while resting my eyes. I guess you call that sleeping. I slept for a couple of hours and made myself a screwdriver and sat on the back porch to return phone calls. Before I could get started, my sons call me.

I’m feeling great being outside as the sun sets. I’m feeling nice just sipping my drink in the breeze and talking to my boys. I’m at the patio table with my feet up in the chair across from me. My boys are sharing the phone telling me stories.

“I have bumps all over my belly, Mama. Daddy’s taking me to the doctor.”

“I’m gonna be in the Black History program and this is what I have to say…..”

I always ask them about their little friends and they fill me in on who they are and why they are friends. I ask them that question because I want to reinforce what kind of people they should surround themselves with. I tell them, “You’re a good boy who is nice, smart, kind and obedient so you should hang around others just like you.”

Somehow the conversation became a lecture on why drinking water is good for you. I reminded them of the time I was in the hospital and how my kidneys were sick because I wasn’t drinking enough water.

“You have to clean your INSIDES just as much as you clean your OUTSIDES,” I emphasize. They then began a long line of questioning about my stay in the hospital. The boys never visited me there. I didn’t want them to see me up in there.

“Remember when I got out of the hospital and it was my birthday?” I asked with a smile.

“Yeah!” My four year old squealed. “It was your birthday and you were sick.”

“But you bought me a cake and a balloon. I remember that.”

“You remember how you used to be in the bed and we would come in and sleep with you?” my Boo Boo asked.

“Yeah baby. I remember.”

“Mama…When are we going to come live with you again?”he asked with a hint of a whine in his voice.

My heart broke again and I choked up. It took a moment for to compose myself but I did.

“I know baby. I miss you too. I want to be with you but Mama has to work hard so she can be stable. I want a nice place to live and be able to take care of us. Mama’s working hard. I want you so bad. I just need some time to figure out how I can take care of us. I’ve been trying so many things.”

“But I want to be with YOOUUU…” he whined.

“I know baby. I wanna be with you too. We WILL be together. I promise. Just enjoy this time with your Daddy because he loves you too and wants to be with you too.”

“Mama. Remember when you came down to Miami?” he asked softly.

“Yeah baby. Wasn’t that fun? We went to the beach.”

“Mama. I want you come back and do it again. Four times. No, ten times. Can you do that Mama?”

“Just as soon as I can baby we’re gonna have so much fun when I come.”

“Can we get a car with a TV in it and a sunroof?”

“Ok, Mama. We’re going to bed now.”

“Ok, baby. BABY! Remember that Mommy is working hard for you. We’re going to be together. You hear me?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Goodnight baby.”

“Goodnight Mama.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow.”

The intense pain resonating through my body right now is no joke.

I never make a promise that I can’t keep.

I’m going to make “it” happen.

Whatever “it” may be.

I love you boys!

Dream a Little Dream

Man…

I don’t wanna be on Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Kia is always watching that show. It depresses me. I just don’t think these people wanted it badly enough. If your dream breaks then make a new one. I don’t get it. What else would you do?

So now that I look at it all. I can see why my boys want to come back to live with me so badly, but I think it’s double sided. I bet they miss me like crazy and I KNOW they miss the fact that I catered to them and they didn’t have many responsibilities while they were with me. I was free and easy. One time I asked my boys to go clean their room and my older son popped his head out, “Can we pay someone else to do it?”

I just turned around and laughed. They get it from they Mama.

But their father is more disciplined than I am. I love that about him. He has those boys making beds and all! I laughed when I heard that. My boys even tried to “tell” on their Daddy by saying, “My Daddy makes us bathe ourselves.” They aren’t used to all of that discipline. But I know it’s good for them.

Yeah…I just loved taking care of them. I wasn’t with all that cooking and cleaning but when it came to love, affection and personal development- man…I had that on lock. When my 4 year old sees me, he immediately climbs his big behind in my lap. He’s so cute! I just cuddle him and squeeze him up. I love giving him all of my love! My 6 year old, Sugarbear, loves that too. I love that they allow me to kiss them and love on them so much. I need to give it just as much as they need to receive it.

Speaking of Love. You won’t believe what happened today. I guess after a fretful night of sleep I woke up feeling physically unfit. I felt like I was about to get sick. Throat hurting. Body aching. I got scared because last time I had these “Flu like” symptoms I was much more sick than just the flu. Damn… I don’t have insurance to go the hospital. I can’t get sick. ~shakes head~

But I went to work anyway. And ended up leaving after 2 hours. I just couldn’t stand there anymore. My body was about to shut down. I left in tears, dissappointed in myself. I don’t understand. I really like this job. Why does it hurt so badly?

I got home and called Ruby and she gave me great advice. So I went to Walgreens and bought some Theraflu, some epson salt, some rubbing alcohol, some insoles for my shoes and some Advil. She told me to soak my feet every night and wear my insoles.

Ok. I never know what to do. I’ve never had a freaking physical labor job. Dilemma..Dilemma… Damn. I love working there if it wasn’t for my body falling apart.

Then I came home and tried to rest but my mind wouldn’t let me. I feel like every second is a second wasted if I’m not writing, pitching or thinking of more creative ways to market myself as a writer. So I tell myself, “One hour of research and pitching and that’s it.” It didn’t happen. I never stopped emailing and calling. I told you I need more discipline.

Kia turns to me as I’m on the couch with my feet up, pecking away at my laptop. “Come ride with me up the street.”

I pull on my shoes and hobble to the car. I’m feeling a bit better because the Theraflu has started to kick in. We drive over to a nail shop and Kia whispers to the lady. Then the lady smiles and leads us back where Kia has a surpise for me.

She treats me to a foot massage, leg scrub and spa pedicure. I can’t believe she did that! I was almost afraid to accept her offer because I don’t like to treat myself unless I do something good. I haven’t met any of my goals here yet.

She and I stood tensely side by side while staring at the polish selection. 5’2″ and 5’2″.

“Don’t make me have to fight you,” she said politely.

“Ok. Thanks Kia.” I replied, feeling like a simp and walking over to the massage chair. But ohhh…when that lady TOUCHED ME! When she got down and rubbed my legs and feet… ooh my gosh! I almost bust one. It’s been SO long since I’ve been touched!

I miss JB. He was the last man to touch me.

~shrugs~

While I can’t control what happens in my career I can continue to pitch to editors, seek new opportunities to market myself as a writer and pray hard everyday…I do have control over my dreams.

Let’s dream a little shall we?

My Black Knight

I dream of a fine ass dark skinned Black man. He’s thinner than me and a little taller, but not by much, with glasses and a crazy sense of humor. He has facial hair because he’s a real man. He’s kind of a nerd too. He is so in love with me. He is so in love with my writing. He’s doing his thang but in his spare time, every spare moment, he’s politicking with me.

He’ll have an ownership mentality and be extremely laid back when it comes to me. My wacky emotions won’t phase him. He’s strong enough to be with a strong woman like me and he’s confident in that. He’s so successful that he comes through and sees me doing my thing, makes a solid decision (and sticks with it) and then says to me, “Baby. I see you doin’ your thang. You really got skills. I believe in you. How about you let me take care of you baby? I won’t take no for an answer. You have so much to contribute to this world, send me all of your bills. Go! Live! Be! But come back to me baby…Let me love you on those weary nights.”

He’ll write me love notes and songs. And he’ll be so fine! So fine that I get hot just thinking about him. And he’ll be ready to make some babies because as soon as I get going and can work from home I want more children because the ones I have are just AMAZING!

And he’ll KNOW who he sees in front of him. He won’t run from my intense love. He’ll love me like that too. And we’ll honor God together. With our lives. Our family. Our love for each other.

Yeah…

The Big Break

So I’m backstage with the makeup artist and my outfit is just right. I’m wearing a red top and a jazzy skirt and I have this supercute choker on. My hair is a brilliant shade of red and I look like a miniature supermodel. I can hear someone in front of a microphone speaking about me.

I’m given a nod and I walk out to grand applause and curious eyes. “Great to finally meet ya, Ms. Tee!” Oprah says to me as I take a seat on her couch. “So I hear you’re a blogger!”

The audience laughs.

“Yeah. I blog sometimes.”

“You’ve caused quite a stir with your blog, what is it- Share My World?”

“Now it’s Share My World- Houston. But before it was Share My World- Atlanta and before that, Share My World- Miami.”

Fanning herself with a cue card.”You’ve put a lot of your business out there Ms. Tee!”

I smile sheepishly.

“Everyone, take a listen to one of Ms. Tee’s entries.”

~End scene~

Look at Mommy

“Ooh Sugarbear you look great!” I say to my 6 year old son as he runs up to me smiling at the airport. His little brother soon follows and I pick him up for a quick second and give him a series of kisses all over his face.

“Ok boys…Hold Mommy’s hand okay?”

As we walk out to our car, I can hear people calling out my name. My boys are a little taken aback and I tell them that it’s okay.

“Who are they Mama? Why do they know your name?”

“Well. remember how I told you that one day Mama was going to write books, be on TV and speak to people and help them to go after their dreams. Well I did it baby. So all of these people are here because they want to meet me.”

“They’re taking your picture.”

“Yeah. It’s cool. Just smile and wave baby.”

A woman runs over with an Essence magazine and asks me to give her a hug and sign. Ofcourse I do. Before handing the magazine back to her I show it to my son. “See, Mommy wrote a story in here and look- Here’s Mommy modeling makeup for Cover Girl like I always told you I wanted to.”

As the driver opens the door to my car and my boys and I scoot in, I turn to them, “There is nothing in this world that you can’t have if you are willing to focus, learn and take a risk. You have to believe you can do anything your mind can imagine.” I smile. “Let’s go to the house.”

Sometimes dreams do come true.