Month: April 2006

Without the Make Up

Sometimes I get nervous because I’m not the most rigid Christian, quoting scriptures and trying to lay a guilt trip on people so that they will serve Christ. I don’t have a church home (yet) and I’ve never even served on the usher board.

I know that society will not look at me as a MODEL of Christianity. But honestly, I am not interested in presenting a certain image. I am more interested in defining my own relationship with God and learning to be happy with the woman He made.

This sometimes scares me because I believe that most people need structure and guidelines to go by in order to gauge their success and satisfaction in life. Sadly, when they follow all the rules people have set before them they still feel empty inside.

Somehow I am led to create my own guidelines in my relationship with God. I leave all of their expectations on the outside of my door.

It scares me to have these kind of thoughts because it would be so much easier, like it was at my old church, to let someone else tell me what I should think and how I should act in order to please God. It’s easier to follow the crowd.

Being your own person takes a special kind of strength.I’m nervous, but I know I have that. I’m defining my own path and raising my sons to love God, appreciate others and be a blessing to each other. I’m not against anyone loving God how they want to love Him. I won’t condemn you because you don’t believe what I believe. I’d rather love you like God does.

I won’t apologize for how I live and how I relate to God. I won’t allow anyone to try to make me feel like I’m not doing enough or being “Christian” enough.

I am me.

Plain and beautifully.

And I know God appreciates the plain face without all the makeup.

Uhhh! One Mo ‘Gin!

Uh, uh, uh! ~drop~

Uh, uh, uh! ~shake~

Get it on NAH!!! ~pop~

Get it on NAH! ~pop~

GO GET EM! GO GET EM!

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of The Boondocks

I watched an episode of the cartoon show Boondocks on Cartoon Network last night. It was my first time seeing the controversial show although I had read so much about it.

I’m not sure if it was the excitement of the night air or the genius of the writers but I was caught up in this show. At one point, Huey’s teacher offered him complete creative control over the production of his school’s Christmas play. Huey couldn’t believe it at first but when he realized that his teacher was serious, he transformed into a man of business as he set out to make his vision plain with NO inhibitions and no limits.

How powerful this part of the episode was to me!

Imagine if someone walked up to me right now and said, “It’s time to make your vision known to the world. You can spare no expense and do all that is in your heart to do. Go ahead. You have complete control.”

I would first stop, drop and do the doo-doo brown! Ugh! GET IT!

Then I’d cry with happiness and call all of my friends.

Then no one would see me for the next few weeks because I would spend all of my time fine tuning my plans in preparation to carry out my vision. My heart would cry out in joy.

I am ready to step out onto center stage. I have planned and pre-planned and prayed. I will not fail. I will not mess up my chance to show the world what I can do.

All I need is one mic. All I need is one chance. All I need is one moment of clarity as I see the green lights stay solid up and down the avenues.

If your chance came today, would you be ready? If you were offered the opportunity TODAY to accomplish all that is in your heart to accomplish, would you shrink away because you are not prepared or would you go forth full steam ahead armed with the years of knowledge you have acquired in preparation for this very moment.

If you’re not ready, GET READY!

Your time may come sooner than you expect.

Never Again
On Wednesday afternoon the 5th of April, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 pm, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

Make a wish!

What If?

I tagged myself from DJ Diva.

If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?

I would have to see what it feels like to have sex, masterbate and I would see what kind of game I have with the ladies.

If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today, what would you say?

Accepting and appreciating yourself. Realizing that today is just a tiny part of your destiny and everything is not that serious.

If you had to name the most embarrassing moment of your life, when was it?

I was in the barber shop getting my haircut and all of the men were talking about fine women. They brought up my personal favorite Lisa Raye and I enthusiastically shouted, “Damn she fine!” Everyone stopped and looked at me. I shrunk into the tiniest of rain drops and evaporated.

If you had to name the most overrated actor in Hollywood, who would it be?

None. I respect them all and their ability to go get that money!

If you had to name the one personality trait that you have tried the hardest to change in yourself, what would you say?

I expect everyone to love me as much as I love myself. When it doesn’t happen I am bewildered because I think I’m great! I realized that everyone isn’t for you and those who hate on you are really saying they hate themselves because they know they could never be you.

If you could go back for one minute to the Garden of Eden and give Adam advice, what would you say?

Be a Man! DAMN! Ya’ll let these chicks run ya’ll! ~shakes head~

If you were to name the best “I told you so”you ever got to deliver, what was it?

I never say that. I don’t get pleasure out of other people’s misfortune.

If you were Madonna, what would you do for your next publicity stunt?

Fake my death.

If you could have a lifetime 50 percent discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in?

Target!

If you could have one more pet, what kind would you get, and what would you name it?

I have never had a pet and don’t desire one. I have enough mouths to feed and toys to pick up.

If you could have God perform one miracle today, what would you want it to be?

Fastforward to His perfect paradise and everlasting life with Jesus. That would be magnificent.

If you could spend next New Year’s Eve doing anything, what would you do, and with whom?

I have never celebrated New Years in a special way. I’d love to get engaged on New Years to a handsome, God fearing man who is as ambitious and loving as I am. We’d spend the next hour praising God for blessing us both!

If you were to set your country’s immigration policy, what would it be?

Be fair about it. If you’re letting the Cubans swim in, give the Haitians the same opprotunity.

If you were given the power to settle the issue of gays in the military, what policy would you set?

What is the issue? Sexual preference should have no affect on job performance. I don’t know why people make a big deal out of it. If the person doesn’t perform, then fire them. Who they sleep with on their personal time is of no concern to me.

Name one person you have lost touch with call you up tonight and invite you to dinner, who would you want it to be?

My bestfriend Anna.

If you could change one thing about your love life, what would it be?

Hmm…I’d have one.

If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?

None. If you have something to say, I won’t hate, SAY IT!

If you have to name the best music album ever recorded, which would you select?

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

I Know That He Exists

That’s because I’ve already met him.

All those years of crafting the ideal man in my mind have surprised me by appearing before my eyes. His name is B. He’s younger of course, an import from New Orleans. I met him over a month ago. I was chillin when I saw him with a silly grin on his face. I walked over and said Hi, he smiled. I smiled too. No attraction, no butterflies just two individuals wasting time before the main event.

He slid me his business card, I didn’t pause just threw it in my bag and rolled on. But on the next business day I shot a quick note so say Hey. How you doing? Nice to meet you. What’s up with you? Did you enjoy the luncheon where I met you?

A quick reply, he said Hi. Nice to meet you too. It was very nice meeting so many professionals, that’s where I’m trying to go. That’s who I’m trying to be. I just graduated from college and I’m trying to make it! I wanna live lovely, sip bubbly by the sea. But first I’m getting my head right, being fed right. From Proverbs to Think & Grow Rich, that’s where my head is right, now I’m moving on to a higher level. I gotta get that paper but the basis is this yo, I know that every good and perfect gift comes from God. I’m trying to live hard, the Christ way, it’s my heart.

Oh, is that so? I got something for ya. I slid him some of my words, you already heard but he ain’t know. Take a look at this line. Peep the scheme of this rhyme. Every positive affirmation is my lifeline. I got dreams and visions of living a lavish life and everyone who knows me knows the basis is Christ. God gave me this gift, this desire to inspire. Everyday I use the written word to try to push others higher. You like Proverbs? Think and Grow Rich? Man, that stuff is so good for you. You’re into the same type of writing that I hope to mass produce. This is nice meeting a guy who is on the same page. Answer this. Have you set your vision for today?

The vision has been set and I’m on the right path. I want to dibble and dabble until my whole life has past. I have so many interests, I’m waiting on God to see what to do. I like to call myself a “ubiquitous businessman”, I know it’s going to come true.

Weeks and weeks past and we’re still emailing solely. He lives right here in Miami. South of US1. I’m just a 20 minute ride away, if he wanted to meet and have some fun. But dude is content with emailing me. We exchanged numbers, a few texts but not a single attempt to call me.

Our hearts are the same. We hope to inspire others and help them change their lives in the best way. We almost had a heart attack when we found out we were born on the same day.

Twin spirits, same direction, same path. It’s so hard not to get emotional when what I’ve been praying for appears at last. But we ain’t going nowhere. He’s not interested in me. At least he doesn’t show it like the rest of those guys. No surprise the first time in life a man meets all of my standards, dude doesn’t think of me, doesn’t see me. All he wants from me is friendship, no booty.

It’s crazy I’ve toyed with cutting him off, gotta protect my heart, but his heart is so brilliant. I’d rather just be his friend than have absolutely nothing at all. Whoever snags him will be one lucky bitch. I hate this shit but I’d rather see him happy than succumb to my wish.

I got this other dude in my ear whispering things that I like. I’m digging you. You’re beautiful. No girlfriend though, if I had one she’d be just like you. I look over at him and smile, he’s a cool ass cat. Cutie, professional, nice booty to match.

But I promise it must be a habit. To much I just can’t handle it. He reminds me so much of my baby daddy, geesh! Sometimes I can’t stand it. All those things I loved about him when we first met. How his eyes used to glaze over when he looked at me. How he would kiss my skin so lovingly. He adored me. And so does this dude. I’m looking close for the signs to let me know he’s an abuser. There are none, yet. Am I being unfair? I’m on guard, super tense, ready to sock it to’em. But we chill some. And I like him, yes. It’s just…

On the back end of laughing, huffing and puffing, my thoughts consistently turn to B who I know ain’t thinking about me.

No dilemma, I’m poised to win. I know it! I won’t settle for 2nd best when God already showed me that there is a man on this earth who matches my drive. Maybe there will be another who will be feeling me this time.

I’m okay. Not sad. Just had to release.

I trust that God has the very best and He will present him to me.

My job motivates me!

It motivates me to pull all the tricks out of my writing bag so that I can get the hell outta there!

GET OUT OF THE WORKFORCE!

LOL!

It’s not like I hate my job. I just don’t know how to operate in this type of environment. Ok, so I basically have nothing to do all day. This wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to log my hours. So I’m stuck in a hard place. How do I log doing absolutely nothing?

Please sir, may I have some more….assignments?

Not anymore! I’m not doing that anymore cuz when I do take initiative to suggest that I can help with this or plan that I get the cold shoulder, “I don’t need you spinning your wheels, Ms. Tee. I already did that project, I have a clear vision of what I want to have done.”

~shrugs~

Ok. I won’t be proactive. How about I just chill and wait for my next assignment?

“Ms. Tee, you’re sitting there logging accounts that bring in NO MONEY! Please log hours for accounts that are paid.”

How? If I don’t have work to do how am I gonna log hours for anything?

I guess I’m supposed to exaggerate my work load? Or maybe just outright lie? Am I supposed to stretch my two minute assignments in two hours just to keep the management happy?

Hmm?

Maybe that’s what I’ll do. I’ll do everything exxxttttrrrraaaaa sloowwww from now on.

Next time I’ll put a lil Shug Avery pee in his glass. See how he like that!

Free Flowing

Sometimes I look at you and I think to myself, “Damn.”

I see you flowing so nicely in the breeze. I see you add dimension and excitement to women’s lives.

Many women buy you, but for those lucky enough to have you for free, well, they’re simply blessed.

I sometimes fantasize about feeling you brush against my shoulders. I daydream about wearing you like a crown on my head.

You could come in any color and I’d still appreciate your unique qualities.

I don’t think I’ll have you in my life anytime soon though. It’s not convenient or financially possible at this time.

But one day. One day I’ll be able to hire someone to take care of you. Then you’ll grow and flow and dance all by yourself to my rythym.

Here’s to you and me maybe growing together one day. And the vibrant life we’ll lead when I finally, leave the barber behind.

New Articles On the NET!

Check me out at when I tried my BEST to do some hip hop street type writing. LOL!

I just ended up writing like myself.

Lightbulb Moment Needed

It seems like my prayers have turned into pleas.

I know God is probably like, “Be patient. I heard you the first time. I know where I’m taking you. Be faithful where you are.”

Dang. I guess I can understand how my 3 year old feels when he wants his way and I’m taking too long to accomodate him.

He does this little foot stomp routine that really annoys me. “Stop that tap dancing!” I tell him. “You’re not gonna get what you want from me by being all frustrated.”

Damn.

Point taken.

I have two stories up for publication this weekend in the Herald. One on Saturday and one on Sunday. The Sunday story will appear in the Home & Design section and I first heard back from an assistant editor who had questions about my piece.

She emailed me asking me to add details here and there. I was a little nervous, thinking that my story wasn’t good enough. Then a couple of days later she told me she wanted me to fully revise it and add more depth because it was selected as the LEAD FEATURE story in the section for the EASTER SUNDAY paper!!! YAY!!!

Today I heard back from my editor about my other story. She offered this advice, “In general, when you find yourself describing things with a lot of adjectives, you’re probably off-track (g). It’s always better when you can get the sources to tell the story rather than fill in yourself.”

Duly noted. I’ll be sure to carry that piece of advice with me like a lucky charm.

My story is all chopped up (edited) and in desperate need of a revival if I want it to make it to print this Saturday. But…I can’t do anything unless I get return phone calls from the sources. It’s due tomorrow at noon which means it’s really due tonight because I have to go to work tomorrow and I can’t work on my story at work.

That’s the tricky part about writing features. You can’t make things up. You can’t make up quotes. Somehow, someway, the source has to pull out an interesting anecdote and feed it to you.

And with this particular story (LOL!) my source has been kinda uncooperative. Lord! LOL! Something crazy happens during EACH story I write!

But that’s the challenge of bringing a story to life.

I welcome it.

I seek correction.

I hunger to be in a place where I can just be free to use my gift.

I feel like one of those temperamental artists who throws chairs over when they are disturbed during their creative process.

Today I was asked to write a piece for our company’s website. The piece had to be about health and it had to be done in 3 hours.

Health.

Hmmm…

Health…

Read a little.

Thought a little.

Hmmm…

I got it! It’s going to be an inside look at the attitudes of African Americans toward diet choices.

Wait. I can’t write this piece in an hour. It’ll take me a few days to research and gather data and THEN I’ll need time to construct everything and THEN I’ll massage and nurture my words until they are healthy and vibrant.

ONE HOUR LEFT!

Man, I can’t rush my genius.

This story will enlighten, educate and inspire. But that’s not what they want. They want me to throw something together to fill space on the website.

Throw something together?

Me?

I feel insulted.

Don’t I have more of a mind than that? Aren’t I capable of so much more?

~weeping~ I don’t think I can just throw something together…

It’s not in me to write such simple stories….

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’ve been hired to do a job that requires very simple stories and announcements/press releases and it boggles my mind to do them.

I can craft an award winning sonnet, a haiku or even a song. My poetry shakes the heart and wets the soul yet I can not even THINK when I am sitting in front of my computer charged with an assignment like a press release.

Sometimes I feel like such a failure. And it’s not like anyone at my job offers training. They just give you the assignment and tell you to go do it. You can ask questions as you go along but if you don’t get it, they just take the assignment and give it to someone else as if you just weren’t good enough.

But I know I’m a fantastic writer. I know I have my weaknesses but overall I was born to write and explore the attitudes and habits of human nature.

But this job… This job has me feeling like I can’t cut it as a writer. Or maybe I just don’t belong in Public Relations.

Whatever it is, something needs to happen soon. Either I get a lightbulb moment about this type of writing or I move on.

I’m starting to feel that dread. That awful dread that you feel when you know it’s time to move on and you have no idea where to go.