I wanna be down
This weekend I watched a whole bunch of movies, that is, until the power went out, arghhh!
But the movie that propelled me back to my childhood was School Daze made by Spike Lee. This is the movie that introduced me to the notion that I would one day go to college.
I remember the night it aired on cable. It was after my bedtime but I just had to see it so I snuck to the doorway of my bedroom and sat on the floor, where I had a perfect view of the television and was captivated by this movie.
Back then I couldn’t understand the different social issues that Lee had addressed in this movie, all I saw was the music and the dancing and I was introduced to what I would later learn was Greek Life.
College Greek Life influenced me from an early age. My first influence was my bestfriend Anna’s Mother. Even as a middle aged woman, Anna’s mom is a stunner. She walks around like she is God’s gift to everyone and she just knows she looks good. I would go to Anna’s house and immediately stroll to the picture wall, where my eyes would linger over one picture.
It was a picture of Anna’s mom during her college days at Florida Memorial College. She was wearing an apple green colored dress, posed sitting on the grass with her afro blowing in the wind. She looked like a beauty queen, and she was. She was Ms. AKA at her college.
Later in high school, I met one of our guidance counselors who was too precise. That lady walked around like she didn’t have a care in the world. The aura that surrounded just reeked of confidence and I thought to myself, there’s something about her that I want.
One day I was in the flea market getting my hair done and I saw her leaving the salon. She was carrying an AKA umbrella. She saw me looking at it and walked over to me and smiled. “I expect nothing less from you Ms. Tee,” she said and walked away.
During my senior year I got a call from Broderick, a guy that I had been crushing on for four years. I met him during my freshman year of high school while he was a senior. He was so tight! With his baritone voice and cool attitude. He was also a leader in school and very smart.
After he graduated from high school, he went to UF and he was now working in the admissions office. He told me that he saw my name on one of the lists there and was calling to check up on me. I almost died right there on the spot. He told me that he was a member of Phi Beta Sigma and his fraternity was coming down to Miami to compete in a step show. He invited me to the show and told me that he hoped to see me there.
I was on my best behavior for the next month. I wasn’t going to give my mama a single reason to put me on punishment and not allow me to go.
The night of the show I put on my best jeans and a silky red top and my mentor dropped me off. I didn’t care a bit that I was going to be there by myself, I just wanted to see Broderick with all of his college friends.
I sat in awe as the college kids milled around me sporting their paraphanelia. All of the nine greek organizations were representing to the fullest and it was my opportunity to witness their attitudes up close.
I sat in the middle up front so I could see everything. The DJ was live, playing all kinds of Miami Bass to get the crowd hyped for the show.
As one popular song played everyone started getting wild, doing their sorority and fraternity calls, and dancing to the music.
I looked to my right and noticed the Delta’s. They were all looking sexy in black one piece cat suits, hair and makeup perfect, perfect bodies gyrating to the beat. They were getting loose! I laughed and looked to my left.
These women were wearing soft pink and green. In the midst of all this madness, they were sitting quietly, legs crossed at the knee, fingering their pearl necklaces and smiling at the men.
My mouth dropped open. Wow! What a difference.
Ofcourse Broderick’s fraternity won the step show. Afterwards I went up to him to say Hi. I gave him a hug and blushed. “I have good news,” I said beaming. “I got accepted to UF.”
“I know,” he told me with a grin. “I knew back when I called you, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”
My heart jumped. “I guess I’ll see you in college then,” I said and he laughed. “Yeah, you’ll see me.”
I skipped all the way to the parking lot to wait for my ride.
When I got to UF, I was on a mission. When I saw a girl with an AKA shirt on I went up to her and introduced myself. “Um, I’m interested in your sorority. Will you be having an interest meeting soon?” She looked at me with a half-smile, like she knew a secret. “Just keep your eyes open,” she told me. “Be on the look out.”
Man. What did that mean?
I later found out what that meant. Absolutely nothing. The AKA’s had just been kicked off the yard. No lines were going to cross anytime soon.
So, I just kept my desire in my heart, until I met my future baby daddy. The only reason the fire started burning again for AKA, was because of his room mate. His roommate was an AKA and at first I was so afraid to talk to her.
I had seen Kenya around campus. Her line name was Afrodisiac, cuz she had this huge AMAZING afro, way before it became the “in” thing to do. I had heard she was extremely smart, but I had no idea how down to earth she would be. She was so cool. I really expected her to turn up her nose at me, cuz I was sure she knew I was a wannabe but she never mentioned it.
We would hang out because her boyfriend Kwame and my boyfriend were bestfriends from childhood. She sometimes invited me to hang out with her and her sorority sisters. I would go, reluctantly because I didn’t know if they knew about my interest in AKA. And anyone who went to college knows, you need to keep that on the low, low, not like I had done when I got there, broadcasting it to anyone who would listen. I was so young and dumb.
One night we were on our way to Kenya’s line sister’s house to help with a project. I was sitting in the back seat and Kenya was up front with Leesa, a georgeous Chinese/Black girl who was driving a shiny black Passat. We were having idle conversation when the car got quiet.
Leesa looked at me through the rear view mirror and said with a serious expression. “I hear you wanna be an AKA.”
I thought I was going to vomit.
I didn’t know what to say. I had learned that you weren’t supposed to talk about it under ANY circumstances. But I couldn’t just ignore the girl.
“Uh,” I stammered. “Yeah. I do.”
“Hmm. And if we don’t get back on the yard before you graduate, do you think you will join another sorority?”
“No. I don’t see that happening.”
“I’ll remember you said that.”
I exhaled.
I did end up joining a sorority, but it was a community service sorority, which means there was no conflict of interest. I could have joined both if I wanted to.
The AKA’s did come back to campus, but when I found out I was already four months pregnant with my SECOND child. My heart ached. Especially when I heard that my baby daddy’s girlfriend was coming out as an AKA.
AKA must have bumped their heads!
By then I was trying my best to live my life for God. And it hurt so much because I always thought that being an AKA meant that I had arrived. That I had finally developed into the women that I looked up to. The cool, confident, successful- I got my head right type of woman that I envision myself becoming.
Everytime I saw an AKA my heart would ache. With two kids I would never have the time to accomplish this goal. One day I asked God why I would have this desire to be in this group if there was no way I could do it. I asked Him to take the desire away but it never left.
I prayed and prayed for clarity. And then I got my answer.
I wanted to be an AKA because I felt like it would validate me. I felt like it would prove that I was worth something. My battle with low self-esteem had caused me to think that a few letters across my chest would make me happier and like myself more. That is a lie.
No t-shirt or sisterhood can do that. Only the power of God’s love and truly understanding my value in Him will allow me to love myself and recognize my worth. I must admit, I am still in this process.
But now I see why my time for AKA never came. With the vision that God has placed in my heart to uplift the masses, I will become a role model for many. If I was an AKA then women would look to me and give AKA the praise for my success. They would flock to the sorority in order to validate themselves. It would take all the glory away from the true source of my happiness and favor- God.
Now, when women meet me, and they see something in me that they want to have, I’ll let them know that they too can have peace. They too, can have joy. They too can have success, love and a family, but it won’t be because a sorority gave it to me. It’ll be because of Christ.
My heart no longer aches when I see an AKA tag on someone’s liscense plate. In reality I could go buy one and put it on my car. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to belong to a group of women who are sophisticated and successful, but you have to know that without them, you can still come out on top.
Don’t let membership in a sorority be your claim to fame. If your greatest accomplishment was getting through the pledging process, then I hope you live a little longer so that you can discover what you were truly sent to this earth to do.
My love affair with AKA is over.
But I still look great in pink.
