100 Things I’ve Grown to Love About Myself

Take a look at the 2004 version of my 100 things list.

Then take a look at the 2005 version of my 100 things list.

I guess it’s time to tackle it again.

1. I am 100%, TOTALLY addicted to love.
2. I know it’s because it’s something that I have no control over and I’m a control freak.
3. I sometimes wonder if I would be so passionate about my career goals if I had the romantic love that I desire.
4. Blogging is pure pleasure and a release for me.
5. I would still write everyday if no one read it.
6. I believe organized religion was created to control the masses.
7. Although I speak to my friend Tamara less than I speak to all of my friends, she is the one person who knows me best.
8. I’m rarely jealous of other women because I think my flavor is unique and impressive and I don’t want to be like anyone else.
9. I loathe women who are spiteful, gossip or criticize others.
10. Then I have to repent for the loathing because that doesn’t please God.
11. In my mind, pleasing God is the only way to go because through giving honor to Him, he honors me.
12. Sometimes I pray that wanting honor from God is not a selfish motive.
13. Trusting myself to make the best decisions for my life was the best life change I’ve ever made.
14. I’m not cultivating my spiritual life in order to “get into heaven”. I never think about heaven. I’m living for my best life today.
15. I once asked myself, “Why do I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord & Saviour? Do I believe this because someone told me that this is the way or did Jesus reveal himself to me personally? What if someone had introduced me to Santeria as a young child? Would I be damned forever if that truth was all I knew?”
16. I keep a tally of all the people who have helped and encouraged me through my life. I plan to one day reward them handsomely.
17. I am more impressed by men with strong resumes than men with big penis’s or big muscles.
18. I know that I am a trilblazer and a non comformist but some days I don’t want to me.
19. I envy people who live regular, happy lives.
20. I can tell by the way people treat me, what their home life is like. I often find that people are who are not happy at home don’t support or respect others.
21. I have a strong spirit of discernment. Some call it an intuition or imagination but I can see beneath the surface of a person’s words or actions and sometimes I can “hear” the truth of their words in my heart even when they are too afraid/ashamed to admit the truth.
22. I am fearful at some point every day but I fight off that fear with the promise that, “Perfect faith negates all fear.”
23. I don’t read the Bible anymore.
24. All words have a rhythmic sound to me. Every commmunication holds a positive or negative vibration and I can feel it.
25. I don’t consider myself to be pretty all the time; only when i’m wearing makeup.
26. I prefer erotic stories to porn.
27. I don’t believe I was meant to work for someone else’s company but I try so hard when I’m working for someone because I honestly want to be a contributor to their success.
28. I used to be very insecure and weak minded, allowing others opinions of me to sway me.
29. I am no longer the person I used to be.
30. More than anything I want my sons to be proud of me because they are the only males I’ve ever known to show me unconditional love.
31. I treat my whole apartment like it’s my bedroom; I sleep in the living room on the floor, my bedroom is my closet and I have never had anyone besides the cable men in my house.
32. When I am bored I go back through my archives and read about my past.
33. I am my favorite blogger.
34. My friend told me I was selfish today. I think he is right in some respects. I can’t imagine putting someone else’s desires before my own.
35. Some people say that they still feel like a kid but I believe I am full grown.
36. After speaking to Kanye’s Mom, for some reason, I don’t admire him as much as I used to, I admire her more.
37. I will admit out loud the fact that— I WANT TO MAKE DALLAS MY HOME.
38. I was afraid to admit this out loud because I was fearful that God would have me move again.
39. God spoke to me in words, just once. That is why I know He is real.
40. I hope that my sons marry women who have a heart like mine.
41. The main reason that I write inspirational stories is because I need to hear them too.
42. I cry at some point, every single day.
43. I enjoy being emotional.
44. The reason that I am so open with who I am is because I hope that someone, somewhere will get to know the real me, and love me anyway.
45. I do believe that I am loveable. I didn’t always feel this way. I just don’t believe I have met a man who is strong enough to stand beside me in life.
46. Even though my BBDD was evil to me, I still fantasize about blessing him tremendously.
47. I think all of my friends are prettier and smarter than I am and it doesn’t bother me at all. It makes me feel proud.
48. If I tell a lie or treat someone badly, I get physically ill.
49. Compliments from random men don’t get me excited…but nice cars with nice rims do.
50. Insecure women exasperate me. I can spot them by their designer clothes, fake smiles and overly critical demeanor.
51. I’ve learned that truly “rich” people don’t care about being flashy with their wardrobe or lifestyle because they have nothing to prove to anyone.
52. I am currently self employed with no visible income, but I am happier than I have ever been on any job.
53. I have slept with a married man once before, right after I condemned my friend for doing it. The law of metaphysics states that what we condemn in others, we attract to ourselves. I will never condemn or do it again.
54. Reading THE GAME OF LIFE changed my life. I am a better person because of it.
55. I would rather work than “hang out”. I consider hanging out to be a waste of time.
56. I have loved truly loved 2 men in my lifetime, all of the others were just..conquests.
57. Of all the men I’ve lusted after, obsessed over or fantasized about, I have never felt anything like the feeling I experienced when I was in the presence of The Prez. It still confuses me.
58. It’s hard for me to grasp the concept that the man is supposed to pursue me because I like to be in control of who shows me attention. If I like you, I’m not into games. You don’t have to pursue. I’m not interested in making a man I like chase me even though society says that is the “proper” way to be.
58. When I hear people use the word “nigga” it bothers me. But I still use it, just never in reference to my children and I will never allow my sons to use that word.
59. When I receive emails and testimonies from readers who have gained inspiration or a life changing word from reading my blog, I cry with happiness in knowing that my growth is affecting someone in a positive way.
60. I love meeting my blog readers.
61. I have made out with another well known blogger before.
62. I believe persistence is the key to achieving any goal. If I never give up, how can I miss my mark?
63. I can’t stand my sister’s husband. When he hurts her, he hurts me. I often fantasize about kicking his ass and I can’t believe that she says God told her to deal with him but I love her anyway.
64. I am a deeply spiritual person, which means that I try to operate in the spirit of God at all times. I feel His fortress around me and that is why I feel safe to make the moves that I do.
65. I believe there is more than one path to knowing God and I honor anyone who is striving to be better for whoever he or she believes God to be.
66. My friends are like my family. I love them just as much.
67. I have forgiven my stepfather for abusing me as a child. I harbor no ill will toward him.
68. I now understand why my Mama made the decisions that she made with her life and I embrace the fact that she is human.
69. My friend Mimi used to be my biggest role model, but now I think of her more like a sister. She didn’t fall off, I just grew up and began to see the beauty and wisdom in me. I no longer long to be more like her, I accept and value the woman that I am.
70. I think I’d like to be a success coach one day, but I don’t see myself charging money for it. I believe wisdom and guidance should be given freely, expecting nothing in return.
71. I don’t see myself as a future Juanita Bynum or Oprah or Terri McMillan. I see myself as a brilliant Ms. Tee who has come to bring something fresh and inviting to the world as only I can bring.
72. I often reminisce about my college days but I don’t want to go back. It pains me to see people who are still living life like they are in undergrad. I feel like asking them, “When are you going to grow up?”
73. I love learning more than reading or writing and I attach myself to people who are smarter than I am in certain ways.
74. I do miss Miami but I no longer consider that to be my home.
75. I represent Liberty City, 17th ave and Dade County to the fullest. I am proud to say that Trina, Trick Daddy and Luke came from my hood. We’re more alike than you think.
76. I’m not holding out on secks for fear of being hurt. I truly believe that I am honoring the man who will one day stand beside me.
77. The last person I had secks with was JB.
78. He really hurt me but I know it was for the best. He texted me his goodbye, “You will always be mine, but I guess I’ll see you next lifetime.”
79. I strongly believe that God has been protecting me from myself by having these men walk away from me when I have shown them nothing but patience, love and honor.
80. I have had several men call back and apologize to me for trying to sleep with me. At the time I thought it was dumb because I wanted to sleep with them too, but now I see that God wanted me to save myself for the man He has for me.
81. I’m sorry for being such a hoe back in the day.
82. Ehh…No, I’m not.
83. I don’t regret anything I have done in my past because all of it led to me being who I am today.
84. I am proud of my friends and the women they are becoming.
85. I am becoming less accepting of people who are judgemental because no one has all the answers and I am irritated by those who think they do.
86. My favorite job EVER was working at the website but now I see how giving my all to them kept me from focusing on my own goals.
87. I miss the people I worked with at Rolling Out magazine in Atlanta. Of all the companies that I worked for I enjoyed the people I met there the most. It was a joy to go to work everyday and I never grew tired or annoyed by working there even though it was mundane.
88. I have a friend who I know has disrespected me behind my back, on several occasions, and I let it slide because..I believe she needs my love.
89. I wish I was a fairygodmother so that I could grant wishes all over the world.
90. I rarely tell an outright lie though the stories I tell are all colored by my emotions.
89. I don’t think anything is wrong with having a strong desire to be married as long as it doesn’t rule your life. How can you NOT think about marriage if you’re abstaining from secks and trying to please God with your life? I don’t know if I could withstand a 2 or 3 year dating period and then a long engagement once I meet the man who loves me with no limitations. How do people do that? I don’t think I’m that strong.
90. I don’t fear going to hell. Why should I be concerned with that when I’m all about righteous living?
91. People confess the most intimate truths to me because they trust that I won’t judge them. Sometimes it frightens me.
92. I’d give up my fantasy career for my fantasy love but thank God I don’t have to choose.
93. I honor everyone who crosses my path with words of praise and adoration because…some people never get to hear those kind of things.
94. I am NOT a people pleaser.
95. I believe that every Black person should recognize who they are. We were not meant to struggle in poverty and degradation. We endured captivity, death by sea, slavery and Jim Crow. We are more than survivors, we are unbreakable.
96. My internet friends mean a lot to me, I have known all of them for YEARS.
97. Facebook and Myspace bore me but if I had to choose which one was better, I’d choose facebook. There’s more to do.
98. I am very dominating…and I love that about myself.
99. I look forward to each of my friends finding their place in the world and building families. Even if I happen to be last to achieve those goals, I will still rejoice with them in true bliss.
100. I am at peace right now because I know God and God knows me.

PS- It took me an hour and a half to write this. Whew! YOUR TURN!