My life is a miracle.
Man I love my grad program. It takes some effort to drive over there but once I’m there I don’t want to leave.
Let me tell you, grad school is so much better than undergrad. First of all, you don’t have to take those silly gen ed classes like Economics and College Alegebra. And..the best thing…classes are more discussion based, or maybe it’s just my focus that is that way.
Even more assuring is the fact that half of the class are parents. Tonight a woman brought her son to class because she couldn’t find a sitter. I remember in undergrad, I was the only one who had a child and had to do that. To see these people with full-time jobs and families and taking care of their children while going to grad school really comforts me. If they can do it, I can!
I went to therapy again today and afterwards I decided that I wasn’t so sure she’s the right therapist for me. She seems to be directing me toward a vision she has constructed for my life. She keeps trying to explain to me that I should consider another major, specifically social work. She says it would be a good match for my personality and she downplays the role of the therapist a lot.
I explained to her how this degree and information will help me with my life coaching and my writing but she still suggested that I try something else. I’m like, “I’m happy with what I have and I know what I want.”
She also suggested that I focus on school, telling me that it won’t be the best idea for me to try to become a full-time Mom while in grad school because it would be too much.
But when I think of all the others in my classes that are doing it, I don’t see why I can’t.
But the therapy is a good idea, it’s a chance to have someone help me focus on developing better habits in my thinking. She pointed out a few observations about my child hood that has affected me into adulthood. She says that my overachievement may stem from the fact that I never felt like I was valued as a child and I use an intense work ethic to validate my worth.
She says its not healthy to work the way and I do and it’s especially frightening to other team members who see me putting in so much effort and become threatened. That reminds me of what my old Director at the website used to say. Although she didn’t use the right words, she was trying to push me toward having a more balanced lifestyle.
I can see that now. I didn’t see it then. To me she was trying to stop me from doing what I love to do– WORK HARD. But now I see that coming in at 5am and staying until close to 10pm isn’t really a good thing.
I just wanted to do my best and produce the best work but I was doing way too much. In that position at the website, I did my job, but it was too easy for me so I created a whole other position for myself and pushed that to the limit.
I recognized a need and tried to fill it according to my capabilities and it WAS appreciated, it’s just I shouldn’t have to do that all the time. I just hate sitting around with nothing to do. My ethics won’t let me be at work and surfing the internet or chatting with my friends. I feel bad about that and when I have my own business, I wouldn’t want my employees goofing off like that so I’m trying to plant good seeds now because I believe you get what you give… but I was overdoing it.
The Prez used to tell me all the time, “Tee…PACE YOURSELF.” I never realized what that meant.
I remember most of my employers asking me, “Why are you doing so much?” I never understood their concern. I wasn’t gunning for a promotion or a raise, I just wanted to give my all. Why would they want to stop me from doing extra work when I LOVED what I did?
Duh…so I won’t burn out and end up…quitting because I was overwhelmed.
Doh!
It’s okay though. You live and you learn.