Waiting

I don’t know man…

I’m still here.

My phone died last night and I rejoiced because I know that I can not lose anything unless God wants to replace it with something better.

So I used my “Miami” money to buy myself a new phone and I believe wholeheartedly that God will replace the money.

I’m still here.

Still in Dallas. Checking things out. I’m relaxing and waiting. I’m full of expectancy that this city will be different from the others. Whatever lessons God brought me here to learn will follow me through the rest of my life.

I miss my friends.

Kim made it to Chicago. At last her dream of being back in that city has come true and I am sincerely happy for her. She was greeted by one of her good friends and shown to her beautiful room that she keeps bragging about.

Everyone is excited to have her back. See, Kim easily gains admirers wherever she goes. All of her old friends have embraced her and are celebrating her return by taking her out and catering to her. She is surrounded by love.

~sigh~

I will be too. One day.

But for now I sit here talking to God and fantasizing about my future.

I’ve come to a few real conclusions I’m going through all of this alone time.

I love God so much. It is only because of my relationship with Him that I have learned how to truly love others.

I’ve also learned that it is okay to go without secks. I’m not as tense as I was in Houston and I figure if I’ve come this far I may as well go all the way. I’m not pledging abstinence or anything like that I just…want to try things differently. I don’t want to use men for secks anymore. You see where that got me in my past.

I’ll see where my heart is when I go back to Miami. There’s always my old faithful boy toy Dude or my old knock-em out booty call if I really wanna twirk something.

But I don’t.

I just want to do this faith walk right. I want to honor God by showing through my actions that I believe He has someone special picked out for me. I’m gonna wait on him. Whoever he is. I feel crazy writing this because I think I’ve thought about it before but I’ve never really acted on it.

Wait on God to show me who my husband is before I even think about sleeping with someone again? ~sigh~

Ms. Tee done bumped her head!

But that’s a good thing.

Now that I’m in tune with God I know I will be able to tell. Everytime I step outside of His will, I am heartbroken and I don’t want to end up there again.

I miss my friends. I miss having people around I can trust.

I’m not sad at all. I can’t be sad. I have too many friends who call me to check up on me to really feel alone but…it sure would be nice to have a hug.

I’m not stressed about it or anything I just…I don’t know. While this may seem exciting on the surface it’s not as glorious as it may look. I just…wish I had some friends.

Or something familiar.

Or someone.

I’m glad I’m here. I am.

Things are going to work out for me.

Yes they will.

I’m okay.

Just sitting here. Waiting for something to happen.

Or maybe..waiting to go to sleep. Whichever comes first.