Two Things

Even though Kim is a Pisces, she’s very emotional. I have to take these emotional rollercoaster rides with her sometimes and I feel like I’m in a marriage because we just have to work through it, forgive and move on, bless and encourage each other.

Today she called me flipping out because she’s about to close on her condo. I reminded her that this is a big decision, her first home and it is okay to be jittery about it. She eventually calmed down and called me later feeling sad.

“I feel like I dissappointed God by being so emotional today. I keep letting my emotions get the best of me,” she told me.

“That’s okay. It’s over now.”

“That’s okay because when I get home I am going to lay on my face and repent before God and ask for His forgiveness.”

“Kim, you don’t have to wait until you get home. You can repent right now and be done with it.”

“Aww..Dawg. You’re right. That’s condemnation.”

“Yeah and you do that all the time. Then you feel like you have to do these dramatic move where you fall on your face and light candles and fall all out when it doesn’t have to be that dramatic. Just ask God for forgiveness and move on.”

“Dang Dawg. You’re right. I just…I just love Him so much and I want to make Him happy. I want Him to be pleased with me. But I’m not Jesus and although I want to be like Him so much, it’s okay if I make a mistake sometime.”

“Yes, it is. You gotta understand who you are. You are God’s favored daughter. He always takes great care of you. He loves everything about you. Your height, your weight, your skin color, the way you speak. He delights everyday in what He made when He made you.”

“You’re right dawg.”

“Girl you know I have to ask God for forgiveness because sometimes I feel jealous of you,” I admitted. “Just watching how your family always has your back. You never have to depend on anyone because they are always there to cheer you on. It’s like you’re their representative and they want to pour into you so that you will make it because you are a representation of them. Dude..I wish I had someone to lean back against. I’m tired of being out here by myself. But I guess it’s better that I depend on God.”

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I was frustrated this afternoon.

After talking to Tamara about relationships, I received a phone call from this man. We’re good friends. I love him a lot, but today I had to put my foot down and explain to him that his words hurt me more than they help me.

See..He claims that I am going to marry him. He’s been saying it for years. I take it as a joke because I’m not interested in him like that. So today while I explained to him –again, that I don’t like it when he makes those bold statements I stopped myself as I realized that….

This man is saying all of the things I always wanted to hear a man say. Every last word, every last conversation, every last opinion that he gives brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart. But…I don’t like him.

“I’m patient,” he says when I tell him to leave me alone with that mess. “I have nothing but time.”

At times I won’t hear from him and he’ll call me back saying, “You know I have to pull away from you because I don’t want to get caught up.”

“Good,” I’ll say. “Cuz you don’t want to miss out on your wife.”

I don’t like him like that.

Why don’t I like him?

Well, number one, I’m not attracted to him physically. I think of him as a brother.

Number two, he is trying to be a preacher and I ain’t trying to be sitting up in church as a first lady. That’s not my vision for myself.

Number three, I’m going to be in JET when I get married. I don’t see him being up in there with me. We’re not going in the same direction in life.

Isn’t that crazy? You can wait your whole life to hear beautiful words of praise and admiration from a man you admire except, you don’t even like him like that. What’s up with that?

And I am not trying to convince myself otherwise. I want there to be a fire between me and my husband. I want to be crazy about him.

If this man will keep to his word and stop saying those things to me, I’m sure we’ll be okay.

Men and women can be friends.