I hope I can get this out the right way because I don’t really know how I feel about it but, this whole 99% thing, I mean, well, I..
Look at it like this-
Convo on gchat
My homegirl: Hey Tee!
Me: Hey chick!
Me: Hey! Are you part of the 99%
My homegirl: 99% of what? 99% of WINNERS!
Me: Exactly
Like, I feel like I’m torn between being sympathetic and being like, no one is holding you down why are you protesting?
Like, I’m looking at ALL the people I know that I went to college with and no one is struggling to pay bills. Everyone owns their own homes. Everyone is going on trips, shopping, going for even more advanced degrees and living lovely and none of my friends are with the protesting idea because they believe that hard work pays off.
But then again, I know what it’s like to go without insurance and I haven’t been to the dentist in forever but that’s because I CHOOSE not to be like my friends and not go work in some office and make 50 or better a year, which I HAVE done before but I didn’t like it. So, it’s my fault I’m in this poverty situation and that’s because I CHOOSE to do this type of work.
Does that make any sense?
I don’t know if I make any sense to myself but it’s just making me feel bad that I’m not on the woe is me tip like everyone else but I really think that there are opportunities out there. I mean, for real. I bet if I could stomache the corporate environment I could be doing EXTREMELY well right now but I just don’t like that environment.
So I’m surrounded by the lower working class people and it bothers me that I CHOOSE to be in this environment of people who resent me because I do well in this low paying career when I could be being resented for lots more money somewhere else but I CHOOSE to be here because I like it.
It’s just like when I became homeless and the homeless people were mad at me because they felt I was making fun of them when I was like, “Regardless of what you think, I’m in this with you. Let’s get up together.”
But nobody had the capacity to stand up with me even though I tried to pull them.
In fact, the day I was leaving, the one woman who was considered the wisest woman at the shelter came to me and said, “Don’t let your pride keep you from coming back here.”
Coming back?!!!
What the hell?
Dude, I’m never even VISITING that place again? Are you serious?!
Dude, like, I’ll do what I have to do to NEVER end up in that place again. For real? Was she serious. That is not an option for my life.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be financially where my friends are but without having to want to kill myself over the social structure of corporate America yet I can’t stay in this social class because I can’t talk to anyone about the shit I’m into and no one understands my mentality or vision so I’m alienated.
Geesh! I feel like I sound like an elitist and I’m not- I don’t even have a car.
I’m not. I just am caught in between two worlds. I really like serving, I do, but I want to be where the people are who want to celebrate your success and expect you to rise with them and will look at you like, “What the hell are you doing?” if you do not raise your bar every so often.
I don’t know how to feel right now.