THINGS I HATE
Ugh!
I hate it when…
I meet someone new and they rush home to request me as a friend on facebook- Ugh! Who the fuck are you? Nosey ass! I changed my name on FB because of that.
People I would never, ever be friends with in person, read my blog to see what’s going on with me. You are officially a STALKER. You suck too!
I’m literally 2 seconds away from using the bathroom and I pee in my pants because my zipper is stuck.
Women try to criticize me. Deep inside I know they do it because they think I’m prettier and smarter than them. Ain’t my fault! Um- Maybe next lifetime bitch!
Men I want to be cool with try to touch me. If I wanted to screw you, we’d be done by now. Nobody wants your nasty penis!
Women meet me and fall in love with me fast and all they have to say is, “You’re so pretty!” You’re shallow! Shut up and leave me alone!
My socks come up missing!
I’m waiting forever for the bus to come and then when I decide to start walking, the damn bus drives right by. Ugh!
My internet connection is DOWN. Don’t TALK TO ME!
They put food on sale and you try it because its cheap and then they raise the price once you’re addicted to it. DAMN SCAMMERS!
People’s emails get hacked and spammers send out virus’s! I block your damn email address.
I see pimples on my face and I know it’s because I eat too many desserts at work! Damn my employee discount!
I walk up to a taxi to get a ride and the driver has no shirt on and he’s barefoot and picking at his toes. Ya’ll some nasty mofo’s!
People I work with google me and follow my online life without telling me about it but I can always tell because they change their behavior toward me even when I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM. Hate that shit!
People make promises they don’t keep.
Ok. I lost my hate vibe again so I have to do another list.
Things I LOVE
I love it when…
I get an email from someone I like and they write, “Wanna go out sometime?” I never pretend I’m busy when I’m not so I’m like- Hell yeah!
Cigarettes are on sale.
Someone I know starts their own business! Excites me!
My son calls me and says, “Mommy, when can we come spend the night with you?” and I get to say, “I have a night off this weekend so come on!”
My sons holds my hand in public.
My sons call me and tell me stories like, “We’re at the mall BY OURSELVES!” and I’m like, “OMG! For real? Be cool. Don’t run around and knock things down. If you see a cute girl say, ‘Hey lil Mama just to make her smile.'”
My sons laugh at my jokes. They understand my raunchy sense of humor.
I get a table full of gay guys at the restaurant. I fall in love with each and every one of them.
Someone takes me out to dinner. Free food tastes the best.
I’m with a man and he stares at me with glossy eyes like he’s in love. Inside my head I think, “He’s cute. Now let me see what I can do to get on his nerves.”
Someone I dated (LOL) in the past finds me to tell me that they have compared every woman to me and none beat me. Duh!
I go to the beach by myself and no one talks to me. I can just think and think and think. I feel like a sophisticated lady who enjoys her own company.
The cooks at my restaurant get my order just right and the food comes out looking so good, so crisp. It secretly arouses me sexually for some reason.
My roommates dogs bark when they see me and they jump on me with their little paws. Makes me happy!
A package comes in the mail. Yes!
I find a new erotic literature website to read. Yum!