I am so happy right now!
I didn’t realize how much pressure I was under when I was working or shall I say..volunteering with that SL media company. It was great work and would have been a welcome challenge had I been getting paid for it, but since I wasn’t I often felt like, “Why the hell am I giving my gift away for free like this?”
So the other night I wanted to go out, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking, “But you have so much work to do for that company. You can’t go out.”
I even considered not spending time with my boys this weekend so that I could catch up on my “volunteer” work.
What a fool!
I ended up resigning from that media company, not because I can’t do the job, but because it’s not paying me and I’m not stressing myself over anything that doesn’t add to my wallet.
I spoke with my friend Curtis about it and as usual he dropped some knowledge on me.
“Tee,” he said. “You take on the responsibility of the company’s success as your own. I bet most of the duties you had weren’t given to you, you gave them to yourself because you can see what needs to be improved, but you have to let that go. You can’t do everything. You stressed yourself out, they didn’t.”
Damn…..He’s right. Whenever I work for a company, I go in and I do my little easy ass assignment and then I’m sitting there and I’m like, “What do I do now?”
Then I start making up all of these plans and strategies on how they could grow their business. If there’s something that I can do myself, I do it, no questions asked. I do way too much work and that usually pisses people off but I do it because…that’s how I am. If I can do something myself, I will. I hate waiting for people to catch up with me and I move FAST!
So the lesson I learned here?
I will not volunteer for shit anymore unless I know it’s something that I will really LOVE. My problem is..if I see someone needs help, my heart won’t let me NOT help them, if I can. I’ve given so many hours of free advice, free writing, free business consultations to people…all because I love to give and they need the help.
I have to prioritize my life. I can’t rush in and save everyone. I’m fucking up with that mentality.
Shit..I don’t know what to do. I want to help people accomplish their dreams but in the midst of doing it for free, I somehow lose myself because I do too much and end up feeling used.
Will there ever be a time where the circumstances will be just right for me to operate creatively and still be able to support myself?
Man…I just want to give my gift, but…I have to eat too.
I feel like a fuck up, I still haven’t found a way to give my gift yet.
Ima figure it out.