My sorority sister Shay emailed me today encouraging me to look for the peace of God while I am making my decision on whether or not I should move back home to Miami.
This word brought a peace of its own to my life. Since we know that God is not the author of confusion, anything that comes into our lives to confuse us and steal our peace is not of God.
I guess you’ve noticed by now that I have been in confusion about my relationship with God. I realized today that I have not heard from God, on my own, since I first came to my church almost 2 years ago.
Since i came to my church I have been proclaiming my Pastor’s words and the words of my friend Mimi as God speaking to me. I have become dependant on them to speak to me as God would and I have stopped trusting God to speak to me on my own. I know, that’s sad but today I realized that this was actually God speaking to me. I didnt have to call my friend to have her tell me this, I didnt have to hear from my Pastor.
God wants to speak to me directly. He has done it before and He will do it again if I will trust Him and take the time to listen. I trust God. I trust that He loves me and He promised to be with me until the end, so regardless of the people who say those words but only mean that they will be with me until I stop doing what they want me to do, I know God will never forsake me.
I’m still praying about my choice to move. I have been looking to make a move for a while and now that i have Miami on my heart, there’s nothing wrong with checking it out. So, i’ll send out my resumes and go on some interviews. I trust the Holy Spirit in me to guide me and help me to make a decision that will glorify Him, regardless of everyone’s opinion.
Shay also suggested I listen to Joyce Meyers. If you have never heard her teachings, she is an excellent Bible teacher and encourager. What she taught me tonight is that my joy is a choice. If I am in Christ and I allow my circumstances to steal my joy then I am allowing the enemy to win.
No, I’m not expecting a midnight transformation. I know changing my attitude and comfort level around people took will take some time. But I am open to change.
I’ve changed so much and most people who have known me for years don’t realize it. I am not the same girl I was when I was 19. I am a woman now. I have different attitudes and opinions and I live a totally different lifestyle. But i can’t get mad at them if they expect the same old me.I have to be patient and persistent in showing them the new me.
Yeah, I had some bad habits when I was younger. I couldnt handle stress well so I would go off and have a fit. I would sometimes get depressed and crawl into my little hole and hybernate leaving my friends and family worried.
I am determined to enjoy my life. I am determined to change my attitude about focusing on the things in my life that are bad and focus on the good things.
There ARE good things; my sons, my friends. God has even totally resurrected my relationship with my stepfather and given me love for him. I never thought it would happen but I love him! We went through so much drama and pain but all that is in the past. Once we let that go, we can enjoy each day.
Forget the past. Remembering it and reliving it and reminding yourself of how bad someone hurt you is a bad choice. You can choose to forgive and love. You can choose to accept people as they are, not trying to change them but trusting that God will. You can’t be the source of someone’s salvation. That only comes through Christ. What you can do is love them with everything in you, the way you know how. Don’t feel like your love has to be identical to someone elses.
If it’s not in you to have parties every weekend and cook meals for everyone, then don’t. I bet when someone needs an encouraging word, you’re there, or when someone needs a listening ear, you’re there. That is love too. You dont have to conform to others idea of love. I know I have love in my heart for everyone. I may not show it like some would say I should, but there will never be a person in need around me if there is something I can do to help them.
Be yourself. Enjoy yourself. There’s something about you that people love otherwise they would choose not to be around you. You are a good person, you are worthy. Don’t be afraid to love. Dont be afraid to receive love.
God wants us to have love each other, each in our own way.
Now go and show some love, the best way you know how.