Share My World – Atlanta

I canceled my dinner party.

There we stood in the lobby at Pappadeux, everyone looking cute and happy when the questions started flowing: What are you gonna do in Houston? What are your plans? Where will you live? You don’t have a place yet? What are you going to DO?

These may seem to be ordinary questions to ask someone who is about to move away but my friends should know better. At various moments I have given them detailed updates about that fact that I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I’M GOING TO DO.

I don’t have a place to live when I get to Houston.

I don’t have money to make the drive there.

I have to be out of my current apartment by 9am tomorrow morning which means I have to find a place to sleep tomorrow night here in Atlanta before I make the mystical drive to Lousiana on Friday.

I have $24.95 in my account right now.

I pretty much need a miracle.

The worst part is.. I’ve been beating myself up time and time again over the uncertainty of the situation but I have made up my mind that I will sleep in my car if necessary.

What else will I do? What else can I do?

I have no home to run back to?

I have no place to go if I fail?

I have failed here in Atlanta and there’s nowhere for me to return to and sulk. I have no choice but to move forward because my past has been washed away.

This is my last post on Share My World-Atlanta. I’m about to pack up my computer along with the rest of my clothes and I’ll literally be living out of my car.

Why?

Some might say it’s because I’m so hot headed and so bold that I can’t keep a job. Some might say I’m too much of a dreamer and I need to sit my ass down and face reality and just…live. Others might say that my dreams are unrealistic and unfitting for a young mother.

But I say… Fuck that.

All I know is that I was destined to help people succeed. It’s all I dream about and all I ever wanted. Just because I can’t seem to grasp success on any job that I hold (or any relationship) doesn’t mean my time isn’t coming. When I get to Houston, I will just do what ever I have to do to take care of myself. I am not afraid of struggle. I don’t anticipate it but I acknowledge it is a strong possibility.

So many others would fall by, shrinking under the criticism and the doubt. I can’t do that. I’m striving to be a champion. I am going to do what I have to do.

I have to say that over and over again because I have to make myself believe it.

Whatever happens, happens, but I have to say that it was really nice sharing with all of you.

As soon as I can touch the internet again, I’ll be back with an update.

If God is willing, I’m going to Houston.

If not, who knows.

For those who have my phone number, it will be turning off next week so I’ll be unreachable until I can get another phone. I’m scared and I’m hurting. I’m feeling unsuccessful and unworthy of God’s help but…I can’t stay here so I have to go…somewhere.

Goodbye Atlanta…