Satisfaction NOT Guaranteed

It’s weird how things happen and you don’t understand why until you take a look back and see things as God sees them.

I have always had this problem at every job I’ve ever had. I never fit in. Never. Once I got fired from a job because I didn’t fit in. Yep, that’s what the manager told me. I think it’s my non chalant attitude about interacting with people. I don’t feel like I have to talk to you and be friends with you just because we work together. I also have dealt with a lot of pain in my life so I am sure it was transferred into my attitude by me acting like no one could penetrate my force field and get close to me.

I’m stand offish, I know it. But it’s only when I see qualities in someone that are less than desireable like pettiness or gossip. I HATE negative gossip. Sometimes I can’t believe that grown people will sit around and talk shit about someone for FUN. Is that all you have to talk about? Is there nothing more important to discuss than someone else’s misfortune? Does it really matter?!!! LOL! I’m sorry, I’m stressed.

But I realized that everytime I get a job, it’s never what I REALLY want to do with my life, but I take it because it pays the bills and I’m a responsible adult, right? After a while I get into this groove and I’m considering just chilling and hanging in there for a while. I start to settle and imagine myself there long term. I used to ask myself, “Damn if you’re doing your J-O-B, why does it matter that you don’t hang with them?” But it does. People want everyone to join in on the hate-fest. It’s much more fun when everyone is being bitchy and gossiping as a family.

Except I never join in those reindeer games.

And thats where the heat comes in.

And that’s when they decide as a group that they’d be better off if I weren’t there. And that’s when the comments get even more rude. The stares get even more blatant and the attitudes start to flare. They start to do their best to let me know that I am not welcome even though my job performance won’t allow them to fire me. I can ignore it all for a while but… I start to realize that I can’t work like that forever. It’s as if as SOON as I get comfy, God turns up the heat and I have to make a move.

Sometimes I feel as though I’m being PUSHED out and into the next thing. Which always turns out to be a good thing since I learn so much from every job I take. If I didn’t know my purpose in life I’d be devastated after being disconnected time and time again at every place of employment.

Because I know where my talent lies and that this is not the end for me I gain solice in that. How can I allow myself to become stagnant in a job that I KNOW is not for me? I don’t think God will allow that.

I know He won’t.

I will never be comfortable and complete at work until I’m fulfilling my purpose which happens to be connected to a career. Some people’s careers aren’t related to their purpose in life so they can stay at a job and prosper. But for those of us with passions related to earning income and using that income for His glory, well, we’ll forever be discontent until we acheive our dreams.

Here’s to me, finally achieving my dream career and being so content that it’s no longer WORK but fulfilling my purpose in life.

Don’t give up, ma.

It’s coming.

It’s coming.

Continue to be faithful where you are and open to change. Until you achieve your dream you’re not going to be satisfied, so don’t expect to be.