Yeah. I saw Kanye on the VMA’s actin up. Actually, it turned me on a little. What is it about rebellious ass, creative ass, hurting ass men that excites me? I don’t know. Maybe because I’m like that. After it happened, I couldnt log in to twitter or facebook without someone talking trash about him so I decided to send him some positive energy and I made this youtube video for him.
My new place is great for making videos. It’s quiet and the internet connection is pretty stable. I decided to take my youtube channel to a new level and add personal updates about the issues that I am facing. I hope you guys will watch and comment and discuss as I reveal all the things I reveal right here on this blog…for a new audience. And no…I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything so get ready! Take the time to subscribe if you have an account, you won’t want to miss an episode.
~sigh~
I’m tired ya’ll. My whole body hurts. I’ve been losing weight like crazy from all of this running around I do at Red Lobster. My tips are getting better and today my manager said 3 of my guests came up to her and gave rave reviews of my service. I love being a server, I just wish I could go to the dentist and get my teeth fixed because there has to be an infection in there, my breath smells HORRIBLY on a regular basis. While I’m at work I have to eat lemons to cover up the smell but it doesnt always work. Man, if its not one thing its another with me. Remember when “down there” used to overheat when I got excited or nervous and this FUNK would rise up like a BIG RED FLAG? Well, for some reason, when I moved back to Florida I didnt have that problem anymore. But now, I have to tackle my teeth and oral hygiene. yes, I brush everyday and do mouthwash but I really need to see a dentist and get my teeth fixed. I would be a perfect 10, in my eyes, if I could do that.
Tamara called me on some emotional shit this morning which made ME emotional because I hate to see her like that. It seems that she’s taking on some of my PARANOID characteristics and it frightens me. We BOTH can’t be paranoid! She’s the sane one! I want my old friend back.
“Tamara,” I told her. “I think we need to seperate as friends or something because you’re starting to act like me and that’s not cute. Let ME be the crazy one. Please. We need a break. I don’t like this.”
Yeah right. Tamara ain’t having that. No matter how mad we get at each other, which is RARE as hell, probably about 2 times throughout our entire 16 year friendship, we always have to call back because there’s too much to share.
After hearing that song by Tres whatever…the LOL *smiley face* song, I really like it by the way, I felt a hunger to get a text message like that. I’m still not having secks and havent in a while, and I’m still boyfriendless and even guyfriendless. No one is calling my phone trying to see me. That kinda sucks. I guess its my fault cuz I cursed them all out and now even DEEP doesnt call anymore. I miss him even though I hate his ass. I miss him and hate him at the same time but I know he’ll be alright and one day we’ll talk again. I’m not doing my internet talk show anymore. I don’t know what’s going on with me these days but all I’m feeling is– SIT DOWN.
I feel like sitting down but I don’t know how. ANd by sitting down I mean to stop pressuring myself to be and do everything all at once. That is sooo not me..but I guess its the new me because I always follow my feelings and pushing and pushing and trying to fit into the entertainment industry down here didn’t feel right anymore.
I offered to let my DJ take my show’s time slot and do his own thing. Now all we have to do is get the producer of my show to agree and then my DJ will have a platform to promote his vision. DEEP was so pissed off at me that he was saying I’m dumb for walking away and all kind of mess. That’s when I told him to never call me again. This time he listened.
And I miss him so much. But what can I do now.
I’m tired…I want to sleep…Maybe that’s what I’ll do.