Same Drama, Different Name

How do you “get over” someone you weren’t really “with”?

I mean, there were no labels, no declarations of love. But…you did spend more time with them than you spent with any of your other friends. You shared your body, your time and your heart with them in ways that the average person on the street doesn’t get to experience.

Still, when it’s time for things to end, when feelings get hurt or begin to run too deep, there’s a period of silence as you attempt to remember what life was like before that person came along.

I remember I was content to write every night and chat on the phone with my friends. To me that was a very full social life considering I didn’t get to bed until midnight on most evenings.

Then he came along.

My midnight bedtime turned into 3am.

I knew that five minutes into each phone call I would hear, “Hey, I’m comin thru. I’ll bring a movie.”

“I missed you.” “I missed you too.” became music to my ears.

He spent more time with me than at his own house.

His strong hands on my back, kneading and caressing became the necessary balm to an anxiety filled day.

Now I sit stiffly on a couch worn out by his presence. Watching movies alone isn’t as much fun. My phone doesn’t ring nightly anymore and my bed seems awfully big. There’s a collection of his clothes and condoms in a bag near my bed. I wore his shorts to bed yesterday just because…

Yeah, I know it was for the best. And I tried to do that whole, “I’ll use him until I meet someone new” thing but as loose as I am, I couldn’t do it.

At what age do you become too old old for booty calls?

I think it’s right around the time that you realize that secks isn’t enough to satisfy the soul.

We hope it is. We pretend that if we squint our eyes just right and showcase those skills we learned while excercising those kegel muscles, somehow a bell will ring and doves will fly out of the closet as a single tear escapes one eye. Ahh….love.

Nah dawg. Doesn’t happen like that.

It doesn’t happen like that.

But the ache in my heart is only temporary. See, I’ve been through all of this before. Dating prepares you for heart break. Dating around prepares you to sample the goods, make a quick judgement and walk away.

So you get used to the uneasiness of saying goodbye. You get used to feeling like you’re not good enough or someone else isnt good enough. You even go so far as to lump an entire gender into several classifications.

You erase their number from your phone, or even better, you change the name to DNA (Do Not Answer). In my case, I changed his name to DONE.

All for the better though. I sincerely hope he finds what he really deserves.

As for me, the pain of his absence is far easier to deal with than the pain of his presence and unrequited affection.

No more feelings of being “sprung”, just a bunch of memories and a weird sense of pride that, it didn’t hurt too badly this time.

I’ll be alright.

Men are like buses, every fifteen minutes another one comes along.

I wonder who I’ll be writing about next week. ~smile~