Remain blameless

I know it’s rough when it seems like people are against you.

You all of a sudden become REALLY creative in your plots to get back at them. You want to hurt them as much as they hurt you. You want them to feel what you feel inside.

I was feeling this way about my son’s father. I have no idea why this man despises me so much. I’d even go so far as to say he loathes me. There is no reason for this man to hate me so much. I didn’t leave him. I’m not mean to him. I don’t understand and believe me I try to see things from his perspective. I give him the benefit of he doubt that maybe he misses his boys and sincerely believes they would be better off living with him.

I try not to think he’s trying to punish me for not doing things HIS way. But I believe that is the case. Because I didn’t and don’t, bow to his demands, he threatens to take custody of my children, he berates me and he is consistently rude.

For a sensitive person like myself that hurts a lot. But not as much as it used to. I try to understand why this all happened to me. I try to spread love and encourage people but from him all I get are complaints and curse words. He treats me the exact opposite of how I treat him.

In all my mind wondering I sometimes come up with schemes to make him feel the pain too. But I’d never go through with it. As much as he has hurt me and continues to do so, I would never wish this kind of treatment on anyone. No one deserves this.

One day I was going off about how I could do some wrong stuff to him and my friend Marsha said to me, “Remain blameless.”

That’s all she said.

And it stuck with me.

Yes its true, the nice guys sometimes finish last. Though their race is sometimes at a slower pace because they aren’t cutting corners. You never know what’s behind that bush that you decide to cut through. It could be a dead end. If you continue on the path that was chosen for you, you will be assured to finish the race.

I want to do things the right way for once. Though my heart yearns for swift vindication and even more importantly, understanding of what is going on in his mind and heart.

I will trust that I will be okay.

I will trust that this battle is already done.

I will stand and stick it out as he drags me through the mud with his false accusations and cuts as we go to court.

Trust, I will remain standing in the end.

I will remain blameless.