Rejection

Lately my thoughts have been quite predictable.

I’m either celebrating my impending success or grabbing hold of a new opportunity to bring success closer.

It’s like an animal that has overtaken me. The burning desire moves my mind and shakes my heart and everyday I wonder, “Is today the day?”

I must get on people’s nerves by now. I can’t have a decent conversation without bringing up goal setting and visions. I sometimes annoy myself. When can I rest and just…be?

But I can’t. I feel as though my success is only a breath away. I dream about it more than single women dream of their wedding day. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. Why do I believe such a weighted vision to be mine? Why am I praising God right now for things that don’t even seem to be happening anytime soon? Why do I wake up excited and happy as I remind myself and my sons of the goals I have set which will become a reality?

I keep hearing snippets from Kanye’s Late Registration during my thought process. “If I could just get one hit off Hova, we could get up off this cheap ass sofa!” That’s how I FEEL! If I could just get one damn book deal, I could take myself to lunch!

I was excited last week because my stalking paid off and I was given the email address of the editor of AOL Black Voices. I sent him a note introducing myself and he wrote back:

Ms. Tee: We have a roster of established writers from which we select, and as such we don’t regular entertain unknown talent. But if you want to, you can send me a resume and a couple of writing samples. Thanks.

So you know I jumped on it and sent them to him within HOURS of his request. I gave him two days before I called to follow up on my email and introduce myself by phone. He answered his phone! I almost dropped mine! He promised to look at my samples and get back with me the following week.

I was antsy all day today. My plan was to call him at 2pm and seal the deal. All weekend I had outlined the many feature stories I would write for BlackVoices. I came up with so many outstanding ideas on ways I could blow his mind and educate and empower the Black readership!

But after speaking to him, my heart had lost it’s excitement.

“We’re not looking to hire anyone right now.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No, there isn’t.”

“Thank you for your time.”

Rejected.

Oh well, I laughed to myself. I guess I got my Kanye testimony down…

“A&R looking like damn we messed up…”
He’s gonna regret not giving me a chance.

You know what? That’s okay.

It just wasn’t a part of the plan.