Preparing For Success

Ahhh…

I feel better.

I had a headache all day long yesterday. I thought it was because I didn’t sleep well the night before. I was grouchy too because I realize that God wants me to relax and prepare for success at this job.

I had to let go of my nervousness about finally finding the right job for me and embrace the fact that this may be it. It sure feels like it. I will go out and try to find a REAL place to live. No living in a shoebox like I had planned to. Remember, If you ask for success and prepare for failure, you will receive the thing you have prepared for.

I will prepare for success. I have sent my request for the perfect apartment for the perfect price up to God and I trust that He will answer in a timely manner. I can’t WAIT to see what happens!

I haven’t heard from Donovan in two days. A couple of weeks ago he texted me asking me if I needed him to send me cash before he left to go out of the country. I told him no because my co worker had already given me $200. He wrote me back saying that when he got back he’d send me some lunch money and a little change to get something nice with.

He’s so amazing.

I haven’t heard from him and this bothered me. Today I realized why. He’s out of the country. He’s going to propose to Ashley. He’s taking her to Paris to propose to her. Maybe they are there right now. Maybe she already said YES.

I feel happy for them but honestly, I am sad that I never got the chance to have secks with him. How can you meet the PERFECT MAN and then not get a chance to experience that part of his perfection?

When I told him that I wanted to do it with him, he was like, “Tee, nothing good can come from us doing that. Even though I think it would be wonderful, either two things would happen. One, you’ll hate it and your illusion of me will be shattered OR you’ll love it and I’ll never be able to get rid of you!”

I laughed. He knows I’m his biggest fan.

“Tee, it’s nice that you think of me often but don’t allow that to distract you and cause you to miss out on who God has for you.”

~sigh~

I hate him.

I’ve been working with a writer on editing some of his pieces. I love his writing style and his sexy swagger even though I’ve known him for a while now and the gloss usually fades after knowing someone for a while. So after editing one of his pieces and telling him he did a great job, he emailed me saying:

I saw your comment on my myspace. I laughed when I read it although I know that we will have secks at some point in our lives.

I raised my eyebrow. Damn… That sounds like something I would say. He and I are TOO much alike. But huh? Oh yeah…I did tell him he looked fine as hell on his myspace pics. Well…he does!

Although he and I hooking up will probably never happen partly because he has a girlfried. Tell me why does EVERY MAN who swears he wants me have a damn girlfriend? WTF?

Even still, his comment broke a bad habit.

First of all…it was a surprise for me to hear a man say that he wanted to have secks with me. Someone desires me? Shocking…Believe it. Remember my past, men I really want…usually turn me down for secks. Think about it. Donovan. JB. Down Low Dell.

In my past, the men that I like NEVER want me.

Even though he probably said it as a joke, it helped me to get over my fantasy crush on The Prez and I promised myself that I will never fasten myself to a man in my imagination again unless he showed me that he wanted me too. I had a pattern of setting my focus on a man and then doing what I had to do to get him.

First I would tell him that I wanted him and he would resist. Then I’d have secks with him and he’d love that. Then I’d try to reason with him explaining the benefits of a relationship with me and he’s still say no thanks.

And I did all of this because in my IMAGINATION I thought that he was perfect for me. Even if he never demonstrated any interest in being with me, I was the control freak who figured that by my WILL POWER they would eventually break. Who wants to BREAK a man into loving them?

Uh..uh…Not me.

You want to know what Donovan told me that absolutely changed my world?

Are you ready?

He said: When the man God has for you presents himself, you won’t have to teach him how to love you. You won’t have to work to get his attention. You won’t have to wait for his affection. You won’t have to do anything. You won’t be able to STOP him from loving you. He’ll feel like it’s his responsibility to take care of you and support you in your goals. He will not allow anyone, not his Mama, not his sister, not even his friends, to stand in the way of protecting you and taking care of you. You will be his priority.

WOW!

I have repeated this statement to all of my friends and raised their standard of how they will know when the man is the one. All of them have been blown away.

So NO! Even though The Prez looks like he could be ideal. The mere fact that he ain’t paying me any attention shows that he ain’t it! This now excites me because I believe that when you feel like you find the ideal thing and it turns out that isn’t it, it’s because God wants to surprise you by giving you MORE!

Someone more handsome and brilliant than The Prez?!

It can only be one person….