Ooh.
I havent done an emotionally charged post in a long time.
Soo..you get the benefit of me PMS’ing and feeling all out of wack.
Here we go…
Fuck this..
Fuck my birthday in 2 weeks. Fuck my BBDD. Fuck this article I haven’t finished yet. Fuck this paper due in a month, fuck the deadline, fuck the police, fuck the grass outside, fuck the yard man.
Fuck that hoe. Fuck her up the ass. Fuck her in the ear too. Fuck everybody being in love. Fuck everybody gettin to fuck everynight. Fuck all these lame ass dudes that can’t make me cumm.
Fuck my ex boyfriend Bernard..with his fine ass.
Fuck the rain in Miami.
Fuck swimming lessons. Fuck the news stations. Fuck this weave in my head. This shit is itchy as fuck. Fuck the people who get mad at me for popping myself upside the head..my shit itches..FUCK YOU!
Fuck T-mobile. I’ll pay you when I get good and damn ready- hoe! Fuck Second Life…That shit get wayyy old after a month or soo…Fuck my group in class. Fuck the teacher. Fuck my back aches. Fuck the dudes in the cafeteria who trying to holla at me– be for real!
Fuck my weird ass dreams. Fuck it.. man..
I just feel sad.
Sad cuz I feel like I’m alone. Not lonely. Just alone. Cuz..you know…when you have friends as great as mine, you’re never really lonely, you know someone cares. But.. that won’t help me on my birthday. All I wanted to have a fun birthday this year and I don’t have anyone here in Miami that I want to spend it with. I wanted to be with my boys but they’re gone.
Instead I’ll be in court with my BBDD. Hooray.
I sit up here and write all this shit for yall. Cuz it make me feel good to maybe, you know, encourage you or some shit. It also helps to take my mind off all of my OWN shit. I’ve been plugging and plugging away and I don’t see no reward for this shit.
I feel so fat today. I eat too much I think. I think I wanna run away, but, school’s going well, I got another ‘A’ last semester.
It’s like..I don’t know what to hold onto…I tell people to hold onto whatever is holding on to you.
The only thing holding on to me is school. I feel like Tarzan and shit. I feel like I’m always swinging from tree to tree. Man, I gotta pee.
I really hate this pre period shit. It always make me feel like I wanna go pound on a wall or something. I feel so fat and ugly. ANd dumb. And I be focusing on the wrong shit. ANd even though I know it, I still DO it, that’s dumb.
~sigh~
I want to stop crying.
I want to feel better.
I’m so ugly today..damn.
I think I really need a hug.