It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this…
I’m lonely tonight. It feels like fear, I don’t know why.
I’m listening to smooth jazz and hanging out by myself, thinking about everything under the sun.
Analyzing…
Debating with myself…
Fighting to gain the right feeling…I definately know what it is.
Maybe it’s because I’m mellowed out by all this jazz. Or maybe it’s because none of my friends were available to chit chat with me. Or maybe it’s because my classes are winding down and it’s time to say goodbye for now. Or maybe it’s because the internet isn’t satisfying me tonight. I don’t know…
The other day I was trying to find a particular blog post of mine when I came across this post that I wrote just after my 27th birthday.
I wrote:
Yep, I made it to 27. ~looking around~ Nothing really looks different to me. But I kinda feel like something is happening and I can’t recognize what it is. I hope it’s good.
I couldn’t stop crying when I read that because I remember how hard it was at that time.. I had just gotten out of the hospital and I didn’t have a job and I had no idea what the future held for me and my sons. I was in a place where my hands were in the air and I prayed and asked God to lead me.
Everything in my life flipped that same month. By the month’s end I was driving up to Atlanta to move there and you all know what happened then… My life hasn’t been the same since.
And who would have ever thought I’d be back in Miami and in graduate school a year later after hopping to two more cities with nothing but my car, my cell and my laptop? Not me.
I’m sitting here thinking about how life changes so quickly but when we’re in the moment, it seems to last forever. There is no forever, really.
There’s no future. There’s no past.
All we have is Now.
Now.
Now.