“I miss you too, Mommy.” That’s what my son just said. It made me cry because I’ve been feeling kind of pressured these past few days. I feel pressured to handle my issues and make them better to I can teach others how to be better.
I wish I was a better mom.
I wish I was a better person.
I wish I didn’t have the outlook I now have on life. I wish I was one of those silly random happy traveling witty people who make funny jokes and are into clothes and going out to parties and shopping.
I’m such a serious person. The only time I’m lighthearted is when I am serving. I love the feeling because it’s not about ME. It’s about making sure that the people I’m serving are having a good time and smile when they leave.
I love doing that. I love when they write me compliment cards without me having to say anything about it. I get quite a few.
I’m not the BEST server, but I do enjoy it.
Anyway, it’s almost time for me to go to work. I’m all geared up for my next project that begins next week but its the month AFTER that has me perplexed. I know I don’t have to do a project every month but I have been looking forward to October for a long time- it marks the 10 year anniversary of me being single.
I wanted to do something special- like break free of the belief that I am unloveable or maybe teach women something awesome about love and relationships but I haven’t figured out what that is yet.
I’ll keep thinking and hopefully I’ll figure out a way to make something good out of my bad perspective.
Overall, I had a good day. I ate icecream and hung out in bed all day. What more could I want?