OK so things with Steve didn’t work out romantically but I realize that things DID work out because I learned some very valuable lessons.
I used to wonder why people compromise so much in relationships. I couldn’t understand it. If it’s not exactly what you want then why are you there?
Dealing with Steve..I realize why…
Steve was a lot of things that I wanted in a man but there were some very obvious discrepencies in his character but I said, “Wait..he’s not THAT, but he’s THIS. Do I want to throw THIS away because he’s not THAT yet?”
See? That must be what keeps people hanging around relationships that aren’t completely fulfilling. I had no idea..but now that I have been in it..I can see what the deal is.
The thing I’ll miss most about Steve is the very thing that made me attracted to him in the first place. I mean, yeah, he’s 6’4″ but I don’t like tall men. And yeah, he’s creative and charming but…it was his conversation that got me. I loved, loved, LOVED talking to him and asking him questions, hearing his opinion on different subjects because I found that we agreed on so many levels.
I asked him about marriage and if he thinks that signing the paper is necessary and he said, “Well, it all depends on the people involved. If one of them needs that in order to feel secure about the relationship then it’s necessary. But I’m like this, if I’m with you for 3-4 years and I’m cutting the check for everything and you’re straight and I’m handling my business then…I think we have an understanding and that should be appreciated.”
We also discussed how people get into relationships and go through this phase of compromising with each other. Like in the beginning of my sister’s relationship with her current fiance- LOL!- she would call me and complain that he was too ghetto and embarrassed her when they went out. He would complain that she is too emotional when she’s on her period and would try to break up with him every month and he wasn’t usually with all that back and forth.
Now..they’re smooth sailing because he compromised who he is, well, he adjusted his personality a little and she made some adjustments so that they will be better together. Isn’t that interesting? And if I think about my friendships, things are the same way. I hate it when Ruby does her “jonesing” thing where she insults people or talks about them in a critical way. When we’re communicating, Ruby tones down her “jonesing” and when she does say something critical, I take a deep breath and trust that she’s not doing it maliciously.
I guess we all compromise in different ways throughout all of our relationsips. At work we change our voices and diction. When we’re around our parents we watch what we say. When we’re with our kids we’re in super guardian mode. We do it as a sign of respect and because we want to continue those relationships.
I’m beginning to believe that compromise is a good thing and it doesn’t always have to be “my way or the highway.” Sometimes you can show someone you love them by letting go of the reins and allowing them to steer for a change.