Never Been Kissed

The last time I wrote about Dell, I was storming out of his apartment after screaming at him because I felt like I was torturing myself by being around him. I thought for sure that the man wouldn’t have any interest in dealing with my crazy emotions.

The next evening I called him to talk but before I could get a word out he said, “I wanna smoke. Come thru.”

I almost jumped for joy. He wants to smoke with ME! Yay! Shake that thang! I put on my clothes and drove downtown to his apartment. When he opened the door I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he responded stiffly but I didn’t care because I was happy that he didn’t hold my emotional tirade against me. At the time I was on the phone with my sons so I went into his bedroom to change clothes and he went into his office to finish up his work.

By the time I was done with my phone convo, I was wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of his. I went into the kitchen to load and start the dishwasher and threw a load of his laundry into the washer. I then went into his office and sat beside him to watch him work. I love watching him work. He sits seriously in front of his desktop computer managing programs that I have never heard of. He looks so cool when he’s making those calls and I listen intently as he speaks to his employees. He has a good rapport with them, speaking tactfully but firmly.

After a little while of me sitting there staring at him I began to feel like a groupie so i excused myself and went to the living room. I opened up his other laptop and leaned back. Ahhhhh….It felt like heaven. I don’t own a laptop yet but damn, now I see why everyone does.

Imagine…the comfort of taking your computer with you wherever you go! Wow! I sat and wrote a story that I knew was due the next day. I paused in between creative ideas. Wow. This is cool. He’s doing his work and I’m doing mine and we’re just happy to be in each other’s presence. As he walked into the living room and sat next to me, lighting a fat blunt and passing it to me, I promised myself that I would not stress him about paying me attention anymore. He needs to work. I won’t stand in the way of that. He’ll give me affection when he’s ready.

Before I could finish writing my story he looked at me and said, “I’m going to bed now. If you want to talk to me, bring the laptop in the bed and you can talk to me until I fall asleep.”

I felt like a little kid being given permission to eat dinner in the living room. He shook his head at my delight and smiled at me.

We both climbed under the covers and I placed the laptop on my lap as he lay face down on the bed to my left. I was so enamored by the glow of the computer screen that I forgot all about talking to him. Imagine sitting IN BED with your computer! Wow! I need a laptop. Oh my gosh! I was mesmerized.

I would marry my computer if I could. This was definitely the next best thing.

By the time my thoughts turned back to Dell, he was already asleep. I watched as his eyes fluttered bathed in the glow of my computer screen. My hand moved to touch him, but I withdrew quickly, not wanting to wake him.

As I inhaled the sight of his beautiful brown skin my admiration turned to frustration.

Wait a minute. I’m a woman. I’m Not bad looking…Sitting here in this dude’s bed wearing his t-shirt and a thong and dude has YET to try to touch me. I don’t get it. We have slept together so many times, how come he hasn’t tried me yet? Come on…It’s been 2 months. How much longer are you gonna make me wait? I wanna have sex with you. My eyes pleaded silently for him to wake up and notice my presence. I wanna feel you and I want you to feel me too.

I could feel my hands ball up into fists as I crossed my arms and stared at him angrily. What’s wrong with you dude? What’s wrong with me? I don’t get this. I scooted closer to him, to give him some encouragement and even in his sleep, he scooted away.

Hold up. I took a shower before I came. That can’t be it. I don’t understand.

Look, all you have to do is reach out your hand and touch me here. I’d return the favor and then I’d make you go Mmmm…. All I wanna do is kiss you all over and throw it back to ya. Why the HELL are you SLEEPING?

I hate him. He can just kiss my ass. I need affection and attention not this BULLSHIT he giving me. I closed the laptop, lay down and rolled my eyes in his direction. The back of his head stared back at me.

What a punk!

He turned in his sleep, this time facing my direction and I…I… I couldn’t help but admire this fine ass man.

This man is so damn fine.

So…damn…fine…

He has a body like Mos Def. A beautiful red clay skin tone. Big brown eyes with luscious lashes and a chiseled jawline. Best of all, he’s the perfect height, 5’8″. Mmmmm…..

Damn…

I’m not used to this. Every other man I’ve ever met has immediately tried to poke me, but this dude….This dude tells me, “We need to wait until we know each other better.”

I want him.

I want him right now.

~sigh~

No one has ever made me wait before.

I…I…I think I’m in love.

I turn over and face the wall, not wanting to look at him any longer. Why does this feel like rejection? He can’t reject me for long.

I…will..have…him.

Yes, I will.