Naked Blogging

I just came back from the store and I bought some black and milds.

When my boys are gone sometimes I find myself heading out to get them. Blacks, just like cigarettes and weed and other drugs are just time fillers.

Think about it? People who don’t have anything better to do with their time light up or smoke out. It becomes a habit because you are not focused on anything else. Idle hands….

So smoking is something to do. Something to look forward to. Something that you can control. Sometimes it gives you a little buzz but for the most part it’s causing no pleasure.

I used to smoke a lot more before I really became focused on my career. I drank a lot more too. Now I don’t because I don’t have time to veg out like that. A night of freedom is usually spent catching up with one of my MANY friends across the country, or setting plans for goals for myself.

But tonight. Tonight it’ll be me and a movie, some gin & juice and my yellow couch. I’m not doing anything tonight. Maybe chat a little if someone interesting calls.

I don’t go out partying often. You can probably tell that. I like being home. I like being alone. I’m so comfortable this way. I can take off my bra and my make up and not have to worry about my words. I can just be me. I like that so much. I can talk to God aloud. I can ask Him for understanding.

I often ask Him why He made me like this. So crazy and funky and weird. Geesh! I am definately the weirdest person I know. ~smile~

That’s okay though. Sylvia tells me that is what she loves about me.

Oh yeah, my girl Sylvia is doing well. She moved to Naples to live with her boyfriend and she is so in love. I don’t really “miss” her. I don’t have time to because I’m so busy. We still email and call each other with the exciting news. She’s a very good friend to me.

I lost track of Anna for a minute there. I called her up this morning to say Hi and she told me that she had been sick for a long time and was diagnosed with bronchitis that wouldn’t go away. She then said her doctor told her she had asthma. That really worried me. Anna NEVER stays sick. Her breathing hasn’t gotten better.

Asthma.

Damn. I have asthma too.

Man…

I better not light up those blacks.

I can’t get to where I’m going if I’m not alive.

I don’t want to risk not accomplishing my life goal.