My life is a miracle.
You know I’m all introspective and shit. Everything that happens to me has a deeper meaning and I meditate on it to figure out what this piece of puzzle means to the rest of my life. Maybe I shouldn’t be that way but…I am. And that’s quite alright.
So ofcourse I’ve been thinking about my relationships with men since my last couple of conversations with Tamara, PLUS the fact that the 3 women who I speak to on a regular basis are ALL in romantic relationships right now so it’s a major part of all our conversations.
Anna’s married and still getting used to her man actually living with her. He snores sooo loud!
Tamara is in some kind of fantasy land with her (not)man. I’m in a hotel on the beach, Tee. It’s so beautiful here. Seriously Tee. My new thing is this…Don’t settle. Everything you want in a man is out there. Just wait. Don’t settle because when you do and you’re sitting there thinking, “This isn’t what I really want.” It’s because what you really want is out there. I’m telling you, it is.
Kim is acting a fool in Chicago. She emailed me last week saying, “I’m single again.” By the time I called her she was giggling and telling me about how she threw one of her fits and had to basically beg her boyfriend for forgiveness. Kim is a BRAT! She’s worse than me! If she doesn’t get her way..oh boy! Especially with men. Usually they just bow down and kiss her ass but not this time. She told homeboy that she wasn’t dealing with him anymore because he didn’t do what she wanted him to do and he said, “OK.”
Poor Kim said she almost went crazy when she realized that her days just aren’t as happy without him. “I want him, Tee,” she admitted.
“Yeah. Tamara mentioned that feeling to me just last week,” I told her. “She said that at some point, you meet a man and you want to see him, spend time with him…you just…want him around for no reason in particular.”
“Well, that’s how I feel. He makes me feel so good,” Kim said. “I need to stop acting so stupid with him. He said that he’ll think about taking me back.”
“Child please. That man knows you’re the best woman he’ll ever meet. He’s overjoyed right now that you’re kissing up to him. Give him a little more, feed his ego. He’ll be back.”
While I’m listening to all of this and juggling the men that are in my life I was beginning to feel a little down about the whole relationship thing. But then…as I thought about it, I smiled.
Ok. So what if I have yet to meet a man that I was genuinely attracted to in real life.
The only reason I began to feel bad was because my friends were inputting their advice about how I should go about entertaining men. The only advice I give them, “Do what makes you happy.”
What makes me happy? So far, none of these men have done anything specifically designed to make me happy. Until I meet one of those, I’ll just keep doing what I do– tasting a little bit of what they have to offer and then moving on when it’s not what I want.
I don’t feel bad about it. But I can understand my friend’s frustration because they want me to join in the fun and joy of having a relationship too. I welcome that, but…I won’t force an attraction just because he’s a nice guy and other women are running after him.
It’s not that easy being the last one of my immediate crew to be in a serious relationship. But what really makes it easier to handle is the fact that they all share their romantic stories with me. I live the best love life through them and sometimes I even dream about the stories they tell me, which is a pleasant switch from the nightmares I used to have about those messed up relationships they were in before.
I want what I want and ~shrugs~ Fuck it..you know… I believe I can have it.