If I were to write EVERYTHING that has happened…you’d probably jump through this computer screen and strangle me and everyone involved. Instead…I’ll just write about the most recent transition.
Today I picked my boys up from school. As they settled into their seat belts I turned down the radio and said, “I have something to tell you.”
They looked at me curiously and I smiled.
“Now, you know how you have your Daddy and you have HyperChick *name changed to protect that chick*?”
“Yes.”
“Well. Grandaddy is not my real daddy. I have another daddy.”
“But you still respect Grandaddy like he’s your daddy, right?”
“Yes, I do. He raised me,” I almost choked saying those words. But they’re true. “Well. My biological father is alive and I met him and today you’re going to go meet my brothers and your cousins.”
My boys were excited. “For real? New cousins?!”
I smiled. “Yep. New cousins.”
“New family unlocked!” my 7 year old said and laughed. I laughed too, understanding his Wii video game reference.
We drove to my father’s house and walked in. I introduced them to their cousins and said, “Go play!” They dove right in playing the Madden 2010 video game and chasing each other around the house. I have 3 older brothers and I ran into them randomly and one asked me to come stay with him so I did. Hes my age. We vibe well together and I have never felt so welcomed in my life.
Each one of my brothers has come to me individually and said, “Having you here is like a dream that I don’t want to wake up from.”
Wow.
My father is in the hospital. He’s alrite, just some old war stuff he has to deal with internally. But he left his house for his kids to live in and my brother is living in it with his kids and now I’m living here too for a little while. Feels good to have big brothers. They joke with me and buy me stuff and fight with each other. The best thing about it is…they look like me.
When I look at them, I see myself. When they fight, I step in. It’s so weird man. So weird but…I guess in this part of my life, we’ll get to know each other and be family even though…
I keep having to fake joke about how I came to be a part of this family whenever friends or family come around.
Where’d you get a sister?
Um…well. This is Dad’s daughter. She’s our sister.
That pretty much says it all.
I am the product of a lustful encounter by my father who was already married.
I am that but I’m much more.
I mean…think about all the drama you would encounter if you had a baby out of wedlock and think about how much you would consider abortion just to avoid what someone else might say if they found out and think about me.
Cuz if my Mama was worried about all that then I wouldn’t be here.
I didn’t cause the situation. I didn’t ask for it. I was just..born.
And I’m a good person. I deserve to live. I’m not a monster. My Mama didn’t fall out and die when she had me. She wasn’t cursed. I’m not cursed.
I’m just….
I guess…
Supposed to be here. Regardless of the shit that caused me to come into being.
And I have brothers. And a sister. I have to get to know.
And they look like me. And I’m 30 and I’m just now dealing with this shit and I feel like a little kid. But I’m dealing….
And i keep on smiling, regardless of what.