For right now I believe that we humans and animals exist in a spiritual realm and that in this physical realm we are only seeing the physical casings.
Like, we are all spirits housed in physical bodies and through chance and happenstance we connect. I believe the aching we experience for love is the desire to remain connected to a whole. Like, we are all one spirit, split apart like split atoms and we desire to connect with each other through sex, through love. But, with the social conditioning and expectations cast upon us by society that cause things like self hatred and anxiety and greed, we forget our connection and we fight with each other or walk past connections that could have been beautiful if we weren’t so afraid of losing or being hurt. Losing what, though? Losing our dignity, our “stuff” or being hurt because we are being vulnerable.
What is vulnerability anyway? It’s exposing our weak points, our soft spots to others knowing they have the capability to hurt us.
I do that all the time in my writing and on my videos. I am vulnerable. I show the sides of me that would cause you to judge me. I do not make myself appear perfect. I show my flaws and my weaknesses so you can see yourself and feel better about who you are.
I was thinking about how humans exist in the spiritual realm and how we are all so engrossed in judging each other based on our physical casings, which are merely transportation. Then I started thinking about all the missed connections Ive had since I am not a social person.
I must have missed opportunities to grow because of my anxiety. I must have missed the chance to heal and to be loved and to smile and laugh- all because of my fear of being misunderstood. I’m not the type that likes to explain myself so I don’t like telling people about myself or answering questions. I don’t ask questions either. You can tell me as much or as little as you want. I won’t pry. I won’t force a friendship. I’ll leave you to be who you are.
Sometimes I marvel at the mysteries of life and human interaction. Like, if it weren’t for your title could you have been my friend? If it weren’t for your race, could we have made a connection? If it weren’t for your desire to conquer and control, could you have made a different contribution to this world?
What did I miss out on when I didn’t reply to that email? What did I miss out on when I cursed that man out instead of listening to what he had to say? What lessons did I skip when I automatically assumed that you would never appreciate the fullness of who I am?
I am a bright star, hoping for a connection, a true one, but not pushing for it because I am basically content to shine alone, selfishly exposing my light to those I choose- out of fear.